I'm now 9 days post-surgery and about 4 days (is it a good sign I am actually not sure?) absolutely clean. Unless you count using some zopiclone and then zolpidem for sleep. These are not drugs of abuse for me. They don't get me high.
But I am completely miserable. Weak from the surgery, worried about the future, feeling hopeless and considering saying fuck it and finding some way to get high. I just dont know how people stand being sober. Nothing I can do interests me at all. I cant do my work. I cant go out, and even if I could there is nobody here I would really call a friend. Not really.
I've been in bed most of the time for so long I dont know how to live any more. And I dont have the energy or will to figure out how again. That is what it feels like.
So when I see the doc tomorrow to get my staples out I suspect I will find a way to get opioids as well. And that will make me feel happy for a few days and then I'll feel even worse. But that is how I see the next week unfolding. Fuck.
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