The older addict.

[missparkles]

Sparkles has been giving this some thought lately...
When she began using there was very little street heroin about, most addicts were registered and got their drugs from a doctor. Now Sparkles is older she realises that, with the knowledge gained over the years, getting drugs from a doc is so much easier. In the past if she hadn't picked up her script (and was traveling) she knew about dosage, illnesses/symptoms, interactions and secondary illnesses, all the things needed to convince a doc she needed certain drugs. In the past they haven't even questioned it, just asked a few extra questions, and Sparkles has always had the answer. It was almost a prerequisite of being an addict back in the day.
She could manipulate virtually any drug out of most doctors. But addiction makes everyone a master of manipulation, Sparkle isn't proud of her past. If someone is still using when they get older (yeah as old as Sparkles sugar) it can make it harder to quit, cos they make it too easy to get drugs. How we're perceived by doctors, they tend not to see an addict, they see just what you want em to see. Looking at someone who should be enjoying semi-retirement, enjoying their life, is something they feel more comfortable seeing. After all, if Sparkles is a junkie, the doc (by extension, he's a member of the medical community) has failed. It's easier to not see just what she is.
Do any other addicts/ex-addicts find this to be true?
TIA.
Sparkles.



Just wanna say that anyone, regardless of age, can get clean. Having an over indulgent doc is no excuse, but if someone is still struggling with addiction it does make it harder, the doc is almost complicit in their addiction, in a way. They're unaware, or not as aware as they should be, of the "older" junkie.
(Sparkles is bashing docs...again.)

[el burgo]

swiy is correct addicts are masters of manipulation, addicts cant deal with reality as it is and need to alter it to suit their own needs. Swim is ashamed to admit that swim manipulates family and friends and exacerbates swims symptoms rarely to get some downers etc...

Regarding doctors SWIM knows of others who get repeat scripts for drugs that can be used recreationally but perhaps the doctor instead of worsening the addiction is actually simply managing it.
regards

[missparkles]

Sparkles understands what swiy means about "managing" substance abuse. When Sparkles was scripted at a clinic in Richmond her mum used to say "that doctor of yours wants shooting, giving you all of those drugs." (typical "mum" thing to say)
Sparkles told her doc, he laughed, said he completely understood. He explained to Sparkles that he couldn't stop anyone using, but "some control, was better than no control." If addicts were seeing him every 2-4 weeks, and they needed their tolerance level reduced, he'd get them admitted to hospital (yeah...they did that then) and maybe keep em alive longer. If they're alive for longer they have more chance to quit, you can't quit if ya dead...can ya?
Her doc was an extremely good harm prevention advocate.
Sparkles has gone for her script (hanging out desperately, shaking n shit like that) he's seen her sat waiting, asked the patient he was treating to wait outside, called Sparkles into his office and given her a hit. He could see she was too sick to do it herself. The pharmacy was actually in the clinic and he only had to walk next door to get her meds. That man saved her life...lots of times.
Then she had to wait 3 hours for her damn consultation.
Sparkles apologises for the ramble down memory lane...it seemed relevant...somehow. If only to explain how it was back then, makes some things Sparkles says easier to understand with some background.
Some addicts do find it quite easy to get scripts, but they usually have a talent for getting anything, Sparkles knows some. They could sell snow to Eskimo's. But nowadays drugs are difficult for anyone to obtain from a doc, especially opiates.

[thebige]

How old would ya be if ya didn't know how old you are?...........
Sparkles,swim thinks we are a few of the older ones one the board......sigh......

[old hippie 56]

Our governments are getting pretty good of keeping the opiates under lock and key, might be the reason for the influx of heroin here in these parts lately.

[missparkles]

Being older isn't always better, sometimes it just means you've learned more excuses to fuck yourself up.
However, Sparky has found the desire to get high has diminished recently, but she doesn't know why?
She's not complaining though.
Sparky.

[cyndi]

Swim feels the older she gets the worse she feels about using. When she was young, hey it was partying and was the norm where she was. Now it is embarrassing if swim falls off the wagon. She does analyze the relapse to see the triggers and what she could have done to prevent this. Yes older and tweaking is just crazy, young and tweaking is bad enough however. Older, well embarrassing. Also the body doesn't rebound as easily and the older person will rebound slower and harder she thinks.

Reputation Comments on this post:

good point- old tweakers are embarassing

[old hippie 56]

Originally Posted by missparkles

However, Sparky has found the desire to get high has diminished recently, but she doesn't know why?
She's not complaining though.
Sparky.

Same here, as words from a BB King song "the thrill is gone".

[cyndi]

Yes the thrill is gone baby as BB King used to say. Someone wrote old tweakers are embarrassing. Swim thinks they all can be really.

[missparkles]

Sparkles never realised just how awful it could be. When she was younger, she was told that her addiction would have repercussions, she just thought others were trying to kill her buzz.
She was wrong.
Now she has health problems, her neurologist says the blackouts she gets, are burning out so many pathways in her brain, it's struggling to make new ones quickly enough.
Similar to the affects of a stroke, was how he explained it.
Her internal organs have been working overtime for over thirty years, filtering all the crap she ingested. The stress she's placed on her body, constantly filling it full of substances, and then denying it those same substances, will also have caused it some stress.
She has a criminal record that will follow her for the rest of her life.
Her body is covered in scars and tracks (very attractive) and she's always viewed with suspicion by health professionals, however "liberal" they claim to be.
She has to declare her Hep status every time she has blood taken, and the taking of blood, is a painful nightmare.
There are so many smaller incidents, examples of her long term addiction, although too many to recall, still big enough to be felt and remembered.
Sparkles wishes she could take it all back, start again, not have used. But it's not possible, she's gotta deal. No more running away.
Yeah Cyndi...it does hurt. Totally agree.
Sparkles.

[BlueCoyote]

misssparkles,

Sometimes the positive avenues in life aren't always that easy to find and the easiest route is the one taken, and not the best.

I know this is probably boring but I'd like to add my own thoughts that i've seen and witnessed in my brief time here on earth.

Addicts use various tricks to get drugs from their doctor, hospital, friends (or get their friends to go and get it for them), even loved ones. Habitually lying, the point that you believe it yourself as fact, takes away integrity from your being. Once integrity is lost, it's a long road to get it back for one's self. You can be forgiven by loved ones (I've forgiven many people), but that person has to earn it on their own and gain their personal reputation back, even if everyone else already has gotten past it.

Another interesting thing about learning the tricks of the trade for getting substances, is that it makes you feel that much better about yourself when you quit. It's not that you can't find the drugs or you're giving up, but you can practically make a call or a visit and have it, and even know it's that easy, you are the one making the effort not to.

Finally, sometimes people live to retell experiences to others and help them. I know many people that could be drug counselors, because they've saved lives and mitigated harmful actions. I know someone who had a brief, but heavy, stint with meth and, even after having quit, quit spot someone on it a mile away, by smell or actions/behavior. This person has saved at least 2 minor girls at night at a gas station from possibly being raped (or God knows what else) while they were naively talking to two older men, very spun (and possibly binging for a good few days). Without going into detail, the girls were ready to hang out at a party for 'drinks' and drive off with the guys, until my friend joined in and did what he could. The guys became psychotic and bizarre in their rants and raves against the guy, proving to the girls he was correct, and threatened his life and drove off. The girls finally saw what he was trying to avoid them from being around. That's a very small example of many things my friend has done, but it came to mind. Sometimes people live and go through some tough shit to be able to help or advise down the road...if no one did, who would be there for them?a