My meth addiction story

[boredbody]

My pet rabbit told me this story about his problem:

I don't know how this is going to come across, it's not something I've told to anyone in my life - pretty much no one knows my thoughts in their entirety. I am going to write my story and I'd love to know what everyone thinks.

So, when I was really little my parents were good parents, they were young and wild before they met and so had a lot of drug stories. They always looked so happy when they told me stories and it was a look I'd never really seen them make at anything I did I got it in my head when I was *really* little maybe 5 or 6 that I'd grow up and try drugs.

I messed up in middle school, looking back I think my parents sheltered me too much and so the lightest teasing was intolerable. There was a lot to tease about me, from the dorky hair to the weight issues premature development and acne. I felt like no one liked me at all, I was really lonely and I wanted attention but did nothing to really gain positive attention. I soothed myself more and more by reading books I got at the library and eating until it became intolerable to go to school, I was thinking about killing myself and writing about it, refused to go to school and instead played hookie as often as I could get away with. I did have migranes but I played the migrane card way too much and it became a showdown until one of my friends told the school counselor I was talking about various things including ways to kill myself. My parents weren't the type to really support me in any sports - not sporty people, no dance classes, nothing they took me to a few art classes but that was about it. Anyways, my parents had it out with the principal when the school demanded I be put in an institution of some type so my parents pulled me from school for homeschooling which was also the same time I finally got the internet!

Age 13 to 15 I spent all my time sleeping during the day on the internet at night and one of the topics I was most interested in was of course drugs. I don't want to get into specifics but without even starting the 8th grade I was allowed into highschool - highschool meant one thing to me, sex and drugs. I went wild.

It took an entire year for me to use excersize and diet to loose 60lbs I was looking good(I thought). So the summer ended when a new friend moved into town and her mom was really lienent too so we ended up drinking, smoking weed. Having wild and crazy days.

I was scared I'd gain weight again at the start of school so I started taking ephedrine, which lead to meth which turned out to be easier to get and cheaper too.

All the people around me I'm sure were horified to watch my degradation and what I did, which was lie steal and cheat for dope all the time. I met an older neighbor who was supposedly an ex-crack addict and ended up getting drugs from that guy, who had a niece in my school, who I then got high at age 15 for the first time. I actually tried, ineffectively to do the right thing, and tell her no but we did it anyways. I got so fucked up and I loved having drugs around. There was one guy I used to hang out with all the time, we'd get high and I hung out with him cuz I liked him but he was very clear he didn't like me. Then I met a guy who was actually on probation and had his own house and a car(amazing to me at the time) and though I didn't like him he liked me alot so I was happy to be with him and we did drugs all the time and had sex non-stop until he got busted on a urine test and had to go away to rehab. I missed him and things went down hill from there real quick. I went over to the guy's house where I'd hung out before - the one who didn't like me - and threw down a huge rock, he snorted a line and then I asked him for a cuddle which is something he would have told me to go fuck myself for before. He actually did it, I was shocked, I told him I missed hanging out with him, got up and left most of the rock there. Went to the city, got a drug addicts son to come home and live with me(horrible idea), Guy who didn't like me came over and asked me out I guess he wanted drugs that bad, I said no because the guy who was living with me wouldn't leave and was getting abusive, he pretty much had no where to go so I couldn't really blame him.

I stayed with the guy who I brought home for a year while my parents got addicted too, but the guy was such an asshole doing drugs was making things worse, I wanted rid of him and realised I needed all my wits to get away from him so I got sober, I hated my life and genuinely wanted to die.

I tried to do dope again when he finally left and realised I'd known all along the people I claimed and thought were my friends never were, I was an idiot. Got ripped off for a lot of money in a short span of time bcause I had no connnections anymore.

Finally I went to this one person's house to get high and ended up with a small animal stashed in my coat, a baby rat. I stopped getting high on everything(weed, liquor, pills)within weeks, stopped leaving my parents house and all I did was take care of this little creature, read up, researched I really felt like a shitty person but there was this one moment in time when I realised I needed to take responsiblity for something and the rat presented an opportunity and much like drugs it was easier to do one thing, focus on one thing than the whole world and myself which I felt hopelessly confused about. I always loved animals so I cared for her to the best of my ability for the last three years. Even when I was tired, even when I wanted to do something else I always made sure to give her what she needed - clean cage, food, clean water, clean litter box, and a minimum of 2 hours a day of out time. I got her a companion, rearranged my whole room for rat safety, everything. I loved it. I was so lucky she came into my life, she was a wonderful creature.

So that's how I quit meth. The first few days it was terrible but it slowly got better. I wish I could say I've got a job now, as I'm approaching 21 years old but I don't - hopefully I'll get one soon.

The thing that bothers me the most is that while I was on drugs all the people around me also got high and it caused definite problems in their lives, real problems. I feel incredibly guilty about that.

I wish I could take some of it back, most of it actually. I'm scared about what's to come, I need to move out of my parents house, do so many things and the only thing I've got is a GED - no money, no car, no nothing. I decided not to learn how to drive after seeing my 'friend' get into 3 wrecks in a row while high. I still make excuses for my own behavior. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be a better person. I'm working really hard on being polite and doing certain things other than care for my rats and dog who's almost 10 now, I'm trying to do the right thing but it really seems like nothing I ever do is right.

And that's the rabbit's story.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Very good read. Thanks so much for sharing. Remember not to self incriminate in future posts
	Nice first post! welcome.....
	Honesty. Good Luck.
	Nice and best of luck and is good to get away from addiction

[lovelyuy]

Swim life had been too been mess with drug, swim had his first smoke of weed at the age of 14, than mdma etc at the age of 18, swim being to prison 2 times and swim ever eat 6 estacy pill in 2 hours time, and was glad that didn't end up in hospital. But swim continue doing drug until when swim start to involve in ice since 2 years ago, swim thought it was just like other drug won't be easy to be addited but unlike cocaine and benzo, swim get addited easily after broke up with swim ex-stead and during that dark moment swim only smoke ice and given up on all other drugs, although half of the ice from the dealer is crap and swim and most of his friend had to get more to satisfy swim and his friend addiction, and it eventually nearly cost swim's career due to personality change and mood disorder problem and isolate from people, until last year when swim decide to put a stop and not to spend any on all this crap and see doctor to have my mood disorder, insonia to be cure as for swim's ADD, doc say is hopeless due to the long term dosage of ice and damage the brain

Now swim is now happy after half a year of treatment especially swim had his career back on track although once a while swim will cook a batch and and share with some of his close friends but no longer addict to this stuff anymore.

Swim had learn alot through DF especially some of the info swim get to know example drying of alcohol help alots on swim's job when cleaning and servicing on electronic parts. DF main purpose is a place for people to gain knowledge and know more about news and regarding the chemistry of drug, and what is really good and bad for people that those drugs that get on the street that is full of cuts that really harms .

Don't worry boredbody, as long you keep yourself sober, you can get yourself a job soon and everything will be change and life will be getting better. So stay and be positive towards life

enjoy coming to DF

[Sib]

You are so lucky you got out when you're still young, no doubt saving yourself many years of misery, I wish you all the luck in the world.

[510toMexico]

the part about how your Rabbit felt in Middle school and Highschool reminds me a lot of how my dog told me he felt .My dogs hasn´t used meth for 12 yrs but still thinks about it all the time in the 7yrs he abused the substance he did a lot of damage to himself and the people around him even went to jail a few times .