Sexual - dealing with hard/tiring experience

[shanesmith7]

swim had a really amazing trip yesterday, until he started focusing on fucked up parts of the last few years (unavoidable when he's trying to enjoy himself) and now he just feels preponderantly guilty of deviance.. though as fantastic as that may sound to some swiy he's having trouble going to bed and waking up in spite of it.

whatever... how does tripping effect swiy sexually? if swiboring (just kidding) is normally attracted to one thing has that ever changed? is that change basic sexual energy "regardless of partner" unavoidable while tripping? because swim had a conflicting hour tha lasted quite longer and now he's unsure of what to be?

[sandoz1943]

This is an easy one. Be yourself. Don't let what is "normal" determine what might be right and true for you. We are all so very different how could the generally accepted ideas of "normal" apply to everyone. As long as you are o.k. with you don't sweat it. LSD can open your mind and heart to lots of things.

Reputation Comments on this post:

You are a wise woman, and your advice is always welcome here.

[Potter]

seeing the tags I'd question "be you're self". You might need to consider consoling if the objects of one's affections are animals and children. If they aren't, well don't tag your posts like that...

[sandoz1943]

Animals or children? I hadn't even thought that the poster might be alluding to anything that far out of the norm. I was thinking more along the lines of attraction to the same sex or some other garden variety deviant "perversion: that might have caused the posters inner conflict.

Hope the poster will reply and explain what he was alluding to. I try to be open minded but I by NO means condone anything as twisted as animals or children.

[shanesmith7]

the tags were mere examples of taboo sexual behavior.... however swim considers himself straight, but finds himself obsessed with testing everything (in vivo, not in practice) to find the worst in himself. he gets neurotic and will delude himself into believing he is subconsciously attracted to family members, repugnant male coworkers (sorry to sound superficial), and going over the limit, yes children.

these feelings never creep up when he is confronted in real life with these demons, nor does he ever feel excited "testing" these scenarios in his head. when he trips he will do the same. force himself to imagine whatever partner his instincts might secretly want (even if he isn't consciously aware of it) and measuring if any level of arousal occurs in psychedelia. it seems no matter how futile his tripping becomes he cannot find a solid answer. he will be absolutely positive he isn't into something until the beating jump starts the horses heart and he starts kicking...

do swiy ever search there "souls" like this with a head full of acid? how should swim feel if his definition of truth is consistantly becoming nihilistic? is sexual energy just that on lucy? he is not attracted to his very unnatractive boss... and like so many other things got a "positive" indication that he was *_* what should swim do?

[sandoz1943]

Drugs will make you think some crazy things sometimes but SWIMs thoughts have never taken her to such dark territory. Glad to hear it has all been a mind fuck and has not been acted out. Please keep it that way. Somethings do not wash off the soul. EVER. Wow for once I find myself at a loss for words. I find I am unable to offer up any advice. I just cant wrap my mind around it.

[Songcycle67]

Originally Posted by shanesmith7

the tags were mere examples of taboo sexual behavior.... however swim considers himself straight, but finds himself obsessed with testing everything (in vivo, not in practice) to find the worst in himself. he gets neurotic and will delude himself into believing he is subconsciously attracted to family members, repugnant male coworkers (sorry to sound superficial), and going over the limit, yes children.

these feelings never creep up when he is confronted in real life with these demons, nor does he ever feel excited "testing" these scenarios in his head. when he trips he will do the same. force himself to imagine whatever partner his instincts might secretly want (even if he isn't consciously aware of it) and measuring if any level of arousal occurs in psychedelia. it seems no matter how futile his tripping becomes he cannot find a solid answer. he will be absolutely positive he isn't into something until the beating jump starts the horses heart and he starts kicking...

do swiy ever search there "souls" like this with a head full of acid? how should swim feel if his definition of truth is consistantly becoming nihilistic? is sexual energy just that on lucy? he is not attracted to his very unnatractive boss... and like so many other things got a "positive" indication that he was *_* what should swim do?

SWIM sent the following:


This is absolutely a common life experience. The Oedipus complex; as old as time itself. Every male subconsciously wants to kill his father and have sex with his mother. Women have the Elektra complex, where they want to be with their father.

All of this, as taboo and terrible as it sounds, is a survival mechanism. The male brain makes associations with the mother early on as being a different sex, and the tension and feelings that you want to have sex with female cousins or a sister also come from early exposure to them when you were first forming your ideas of sexuality along with several other biochemical factors.

The fact that it is taboo makes the confusing feelings even worse, because when we perceive something as being taboo there is always a reaction that results in thinking about doing it more often, no matter how bad it is.

That's the deal with being attracted to men as well, if SWIY is feeling that when you're actually straight. Because it's so taboo for a man to have sex with a man, and because it involves thinking about a sexual act, straight men can even get erections when thinking about men just because it deals with an idea about sex and thinking about any kind of sex makes you horny..even if it's incest.



It's all just human nature. But if you actually are gay you would know. Most young people go through a phase of thinking it may be possible, but when you're gay you know (from what science tells us at least).



Especially with a headful of acid, all this is completely and totally normal and to be expected. Even thinking about children and things. It is disgusting, and you consciously know that, but the brain is constantly testing scenarios (as the OP mentioned).


You have nothing to worry about as long as you don't go through with any of these things that you obviously don't want to consciously do. Everyone goes through life with those kind of "what if's" drifting around, so expect it to keep happening!


Psychedelics also are known to make men attracted to other men. It opens most people up so much that all things are possible and nothing is taboo (except the most extreme stuff). It has a great deal to do with worshipping the human figure. And what better way to worship a body than to make love to it?

Homosexual desires definitely surface in the majority of men during college age years and during drug experiences. The greeks even embraced the desire and their culture was built by men who slept with other men to expand their ideas and to seal the relationship.


Anyway, yeah, don't sweat it kid.




Edit: There's also a lot to be said for Raver's mention of conditioning during LSD experiences. It's very dangerous to dwell on anything too much as it's very easy to change years of behavioral information and re-condition the mind with LSD in moments. A single revelatory thought could completely change a person's life. This can be a boon and a hinderance at the same time.

Everyone using it regularly should read up on how LSD can re-condition the brain. This feature of the drug is a huge aspect of the experience and that's why it was used for things such as drug addiction and depression. People were very carefully guided by a trained psychologist or therapist through the experience and could be conditioned to think about things a completely different way after a few sessions or sometimes one. And these are major changes, not just whether to eat meat or not.

[shanesmith7]

swim respects psychedelics too much to try to remodel any conditional damage done in his last trip. he's worried about fucking up his glutamine receptors and only trips using serotonergic hallucinogens twice a year. he's getting some no2 soon and might cinder a salvia quid, but he's waiting till march for his next typical voyeur (imax 3d alice in wonderland )

can nitrous be profound enough to get back to where swim once belonged? and please to any swiys who identify as gay or bi, swim would fight for your rights as some of the people he respects most aren't straight (chuck palahniuk, bret easton ellis, multiple fictional protagonists, etc.) being bi doesn't scare swim.

[Potter]

Might not be a bad idea to find a new hobby, one that doesn't involve mind altering chemicals. Drugs aren't for everyone.

[shanesmith7]

swim knows he has obsessive compulsive disorder. it started when he was 15 or 16 with this sexual stuff, he is 18 now and is defeated by all kinds of solvents/confrontation/missing a meal because of his less than gentle phobia of brain damage... this was the other half of what he stood against yesterday but god knows what'll stick. again swim has never indulged in ANY behavior nor has he wanted to *sigh* so is swim really attracted to these things? he doesn't know. he is sure that he has ocd, but that's all he's sure about.

[RaverHippie]

Exploration is one thing, but legitimately realizing a fetish is another. When my raver friend was young he was amazed by all the different porn sites and would look at the strangest things for the novelty and to find the things that attracted him. While some legitimately stuck as turn-ons later in life, most of the things he came across were there and he didn't identify with.

I can see how SWIY is challenging himself to figure these things out but in the process of forcefully examining something, SWIY loses himself, and it's no longer about guaging your reaction to the stimuli, it's about how much of a reaction SWIY can force from oneself in response to a taboo behavior. In this sense the test would be flawed at this point due to the change in result from going in (finding the bad in SWIM while on a psychedelic versus forcing oneself to take enjoyment from taboo subjects.)

Just realize the forced enjoyment from these taboo sexual topics doesn't mean they relate back to you as a sober individual. Also don't let each trip become a form of classical conditioning.

[thehorsesboy]

I can force myself to eat spinach even if I don't like the taste. I could continue to eat spinach and perhaps one day I will like it; then again, maybe I never will. However, at the present moment, I do not like spinach. That is how I am. I cannot anticipate my future desires, but that's not to say I don't have the ability to influence them.

Similarly, one could have gay sex and not be gay. Gayness has to do with your current desire, that is:
One is gay if and only if one currently desires (sexually) the same sex.

My guess is that you delve into these topics simply because they are taboo. If you would like to be both consistent and objective, you should turn critical eye on each and every one of your current desires. Maybe they can be changed by thinking about them really hard and/or practicing against them. Then again, why would you want to waste your time doing such a thing unless you saw some sort of benefit in it? Do you really want to spend a massive amount of your time learning to like spinach?