Does SWIM have an addiction?

[DrBob]

My pet rhinoceros passed on the following note written in crayon....

I couldn't say if what I have is an addiction, or something else entirely, so I came here for help. Over the past summer I have went from smoking weed a couple times a week to at least every day. Not because i feel I need to, just because I have the time to and its fun, but also have the cash for it.

Lately I have been trying new drugs too; salvia, hydrocodone, x, lsd, mushrooms, nitrous, amphetamine salts (adderall) and in one instance a piperazine pill (Never again)

I understand fully the negative consequences for all of these, so I don't want to be told how stupid I am for trying.

Lately, especially after the LSD I find myself completely dissapointed with normal conciousness. I find myself wishing i could think with as much clarity as adderall, and as creatively and unrestricted as when I take LSD. I basically wish I could be tripping all the time. I love it so much, and it has felt so familiar, like I am thinking as I did when I was a child almost.

I haven't spent more money than I alloted for my recreational habits, so it isn't destroying my life, and none of these things get in the way of my studies. My only problem is that seeing how much some drugs can expand your mind, and change the way you can think, I feel like I'm not really living life to the fullest unless I am taking them. When I am actually tripping, 12 hours feels like 12 minutes, and I enjoy it greatly.

I'm not depressed at all. I don't really feel sad or anything from day to day. I just find myself wishing I could spend all my time expanding my mind with drugs. I have enough self-control to continue not throwing my life down the drain like that, but i still can't shake the feeling I am wasting time thinking on a baseline level. Maybe i should turn to meditation or the like to change my conciousness level without drugs?

One last side note in this novel length post, I do like to sleep, alot. As in 12-14 hours if I have no alarm, but will only sleep 5-8 hours on a normal night. Maybe I'm just a lazy, worthless person contributing nothing to society, just a burned out ignorant loser. Please tell me anything that can help me out, and criticize me if I am just failing miserably at life, but keep it constructive please.

[Satellitehopper]

Honestly you don't sound addicted, just bored. In SWIMS opinion it's perfectly fine to experiment with altered states of mind, just try and work towards something more. Find something that motivates you.

[missparkles]

Firstly no...swiy isn't stupid...wanting to raise awareness is something most try, there are no right/wrong ways...just different ways, that's all. It doesn't mean swiy is addicted, but obviously it's always something to be aware of, who knows...it could happen.
The need to use substances to alter swiys real life, regardless of what he takes, and his apparent lethargy/apathy towards life (especially when straight) has Sparkles wondering if swiy could be suffering with mild depression?
Maybe a chat with his doc, he doesn't have to mention drug use, just the feeling he has when he's down. Anti-depressants aren't a good idea really, there are so many other ways to deal with mild depression, without the awful side effects one can experience.
Just think about it.
Sparkles could be wrong...she so often is.
Take care love.
Sparkles.



*Sparkles gives the OP permission to tell anyone that says he's stupid, to "fuck right off"*

[bazbonehead]

you sir sound very similar to bazbonehead in his out look towards drugs. he too only started smoking weed on special occasions, (for example trips to amsterdam) and then went to university to study philosophy where his distinct lack of contact hours (5 per week) led him to concerning level of boredom. Since him and his mates were all in the same boat, they ended up smoking more and more pot until sessions occurred 3 to 4 times a week and he has now been smoking between 8-20 joints everyday, for the past couple of years. However, he still doesn't see this as addiction; he has had many 'breaks' during this period where he has gone on holiday for example and never yearned for a J and even if he did feel like one, it didn't bother him too much that he couldn't.

Recently, bazbonehead and his mates have been gettin into the RC movement, researching and purchasing relatively unknown chemicals to experiment with on both quiet nights in and wild nights out. Alot of decent conversations revolve around drugs, their experiences and the interesting chemistry and stories behind them. Altogether, bazbonehead feels his time with drugs has been of benefit, he has learnt a great deal about moderation and achievement (or the lack of it!). In terms of addiction, he has hit some low points involved certain public toilets and snorting a number of mixtures off dirty tiles etc, but these experiences have only made him respect drugs more. He and his mates have all concluded that getting high is fine, amazing infact, but that certain highs from drugs such as C.Meth, Heroin and Crack just don't outweigh the negatives they entail. The "Big Three", afformentioned, will never be tried because bazbonehead feels that getting 'too' high may not actually be fun; he is unsure whether feeling something so amazing would be good for him, making the rest of life feel obsolete, much like what you mentioned when not tripping. The only drug he has tried which makes him feel like this is ketamine, which is bazboneheads favourite drug, but he knows how bad it could get using it to escape from reality and with a drug like that which is so cheap and yields so efficiently, he could see it taking over his life easily if he didnt use self control to prevent him buying it too often (maybe twice per year).

In conclusion, bazbonehad also feel that after drugs, sober life does feel slightly empty. It does get depressing sometimes when he looks around and doesnt feel that magic that drugs can so powerful do. But he also realises that if the drugs he is using are generally fairly mild, not life threatening and socially destroying, he cannot see how using them to fill the void is a bad thing. If everything is going well on drugs and taking this often is classified as 'addiction', then well bazbonehead is quite happy to be addicted to this blissful life he lives!

[missparkles]

Sparkles just wants to say that addiction, physical and psychological dependence, is not blissful, so please don't ever think it is. Try stopping and see how awesome it feels then? Don't confuse recreational use with addiction, they are not the same, "use" can turn to "abuse" in a very short time.
Take care.
Sparkles.

[coelho]

DrBob: Swim feels exactly this way. Like if living the "sober" life were a waste of life. And (of course) swim agrees. If this substances makes the life more enjoyable, why not to enjoy it? If swiy is not harming swiyourself or others because of using this substances, and can control their use, why not?

[Dickon]

Dr Bob,

Is the name an AA joke? The two founders of AA were Bill W and Dr Bob. Anyway, I can certainly empathise with what you talk about. My cat, when still more of a kitten used to think altering consciousness through the use of drugs was pretty much the best thing to do. Those who failed to do so were simply unenlightened, stupid and missing the point of life. 20 Years down the line cat sees things a little differently: a lot differently really.

The progression from drug to drug and progressively crossing boundaries is so typical a progression from drug use to addiction that it hardly needs mentioning. It was cat's path. Looking back, the intensity of cat's desire to use contained the seeds of karma that led to physical addiction. While distinct from addiction the strong desire to alter one's mind seems either indicative of a pre-existing addictive personality, or of a character trait that will lend itself to the subsequent development of addiction problems.

But what to say? Cat wouldn't have listened to much in those days. When it's a laugh and novel and exciting and problem free for the most part: why stop? As problems progress the ability to stop is slowly eroded. If you find yourself wanting to try heroin or crack "just one time", you might start worrying. Then again if you're smoking cannabis every day, that might itself be an addiction of some kind. Who knows?

Consider dialling it back a notch and maybe find a spiritual path! There are other ways to alter consciousness such as meditation and ecstatic dance.

Speaking from cat's experience, experimentation can lead to addiction and addiction really isn't where you want to go.

Dickon

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good post that makes one think

[el burgo]

Sounds to swim that swiy is currently within the famous "honey moon phase" of drug use, it is good that swiy can recognise that it will not last for ever. Swim too used to smoke casually and gigle and now can't go a day without it - with or without money - gets the occasional laugh but otherwise it just numbs the pain of reality. So be careful.
regards

[DrBob]

Thanks for all the positive replies. Thanks to a great weekend of great friends tripping nonstop, I actually don't even have the desire to be off baseline that much. My whole life just changed for the better, instantly!

[diffs]

it doesn't sound like you have an addiction as such. signs of addiction include ;withdrawl symtoms (feeling like shit if you dont take), thinking about a drug(s) all the time. Not being able to enjoy yourself without a particular substance. Worrying about where or when you will get your next hit from. Lyin about the extent of your habit. Do illegal or immoral things to obtain drugs.

Good luck and be carefull.

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by diffs

it doesn't sound like you have an addiction as such. signs of addiction include ;withdrawl symtoms (feeling like shit if you dont take), thinking about a drug(s) all the time. Not being able to enjoy yourself without a particular substance. Worrying about where or when you will get your next hit from. Lyin about the extent of your habit. Do illegal or immoral things to obtain drugs.

Good luck and be carefull.

Addiction can also be about the need to alter one's mood with substances to enable them to feel good, feel positive, that's where psychological dependence comes in. All mood altering/enhancing drugs have the potential to become addictive, it depends on why you use them, and when.
Take care.
Sparkles.