Journal - Ever feel that drugs get swiy through life, but not because of addiction?

[DXMBunny]

Swim is wondering if any other swimmers have gone weeks or months without drugs and every time they do start to come to some harsh realizations that they are not sure they want to live this life or that they have a hard time dealing with life without drugs...

this only applies to swimmers who are not addicted and give themselves time in between and have even gone a good amount a time to not be able to attribute it to drug withdrawal...


swim gives time in between use and has gone weeks and months before and every time he cleans up from his couple of week binges or so... he starts to have a hard time dealing with stress and is not depressed but really starts to think about what life has to offer and even tho he wants those things... he wants something more that this life does not offer... and feels like he does not belong or that he was born at the wrong time or just generally confused as to why this world sucks so bad...

swim dislikes the human race and how they are and how they act... swim dislikes how ugly of a people we are and how ugly of lives we live...

swim has been depressed before and he does not feel that this is it.. .as he is generally happy and enjoys day to day... but he likes to keep his mind open and often thinks about how much of this life he really has no joy in... he may look happy and go about life but swim hides how he really feels inside...

anyone other swimmers just generally ponder why they live their life when off of drugs? remember swim is talking about when he is back to ground level and clean, and also generally mentally healthy and all that... so these would be normal thoughts... swim realizes most would say these are depressive thoughts or unnatural... but swim is really sure that they are not...

Reputation Comments on this post:

interesting thoughts, likely shared by many here

[cra$h]

Drugs have saved swim's life. Instead of swim saying "I want to die" every morning, he says "I want to get high", which is much safer lol. It's probably because swim has seen beautiful things, and felt better than ever, while intoxicated. But it's been too long now to remember if swim was depressed BEFORE drug use. But he was a kid and didnt really have a chance to experience how bad life can get. He feels that we all deserve a break once in a while, and when swim can afford it and has the time, he takes advantage of the moment to clear out the mind, and gain some perspective

[sandoz1943]

SWIM has had long periods without drugs due to pregnancy and breast feeding. She still enjoyed life with out drugs. SWIM finds drugs help remind her that the world is a beautiful place and help her feel closer to the people in her life and to life it's self. SWIM has experienced some dark and depressing times but drugs neither seemed to add or detract from them.
She thinks that the users choice of drug(s) and reason for doing drugs may have allot to do with the users answer to you query.

[cra$h]

Of course life can be great without drugs. One of the best days of swim's life he was sober, and it was good until drugs were introduced . This was caused by a bad mix of salvia, blacklights and a brief moment of lonliness, but that's a whole story in itsef. But getting back to swim's point, it's just drugs give it that added boost and in all reality, are entirely unesissary, but since it's here, why not?

[DXMBunny]

wow got swim got some good points he was not expecting thanks everyone...

swim feels that life is pretty shitty without drugs... and not from any kind of addiction just in general he has some good days but only because he is blocking out the truth on those days... but with drugs they really seem to help keep the world looking beautiful..

but is it not messed up that this world can not look good without a fake picture over our eyes? i realize some will say the world is a amazing place even sober or only sober but swim its not that swim doesnt like the world he just hates the people here... all of them and himself for how they are... its a messed up world in when you think about how its ran...

[missparkles]

God it hurt to read the first post. Sparkles really identified with it. Life having no joy, needing drugs to give it colour and meaning. Having to hide feelings, dark, desperate feelings, putting on an act for others so they think she's ok.
She gets the feeling that the OP is protesting too much about depression and addiction. She really thinks he may suffer with depression and could be worried about becoming addicted.
People usually go out of their way to deny what they are most afraid of, if others don't mention it, they're safe.
The fact that this question is posed for "anyone not addicted" and that swiy says he's been depressed before makes Sparkles wonder if he's afraid his depression has returned?
She's sorry if she's assuming something that isn't true, but that's how it reads to her. Sparkles isn't being unkind...just honest.
Perhaps getting some advice from someone trained to deal with these thoughts might help? They may say he's not depressed...what has he got to lose? If he is depressed and leaves it, it will only get worse.
Take care.
Sparkles.