Experiences - Was it worth it feelings

[TimeKilla]

Swim just done two bags and feels like was it really worth it, the gear was alright but does heroin just get boring to some people? The last few times swimys done it hes felt this way this might just be the one that ends it for swim as i just do it every know and then.

Defo dont think Heroin is nothing special anymore

[Birkill]

For swim the last hit is always better then last but thats how you get hooked on it, its not like E where u looose that "magic"!!!

[missparkles]

Swim found she was always chasing that very first hit...and never finding it. All of the time taking more, doing worse things to get it and feeling like shit afterwards.
Yeah it got to the point where using wasn't worth the grief it caused. Some get to this stage sooner rather than later. It took swim nearly thirty damn years...but she got there in the end.
All but two of her friends, some close, long term friends, were not so lucky.
Sparkles believes once an addict gains some self awareness of the problem, as they will here at DF, their using is screwed forever. But that's just her thoughts.
Take care and stay safe.

Sparkles.

[chinpokomaster]

The day or two after there's a strong feeling that you'd rather have kept the money, but once that subsides and you feel normal again, you're back in the frame of mind you were in when you bought it to start with.

[dyingtomorrow]

For SWIM every hit of heroin is completely wonderful. He only regrets it if he gets carried away (usually as a result of doing speedballs, the coke making him want to just keep doing it every 30 minutes), and wastes heroin. Otherwise his 2,284 hit was just as good as his first.

[dragonuser]

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow

Otherwise his 2,284 hit

Jesus

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow

For SWIM every hit of heroin is completely wonderful.

Swim would have to agree with this statement...
It's just the awful mind numbing, soul destroying depression that accompanies using that's hard to enjoy, isn't it?
Just stay safe love.

[laing1981]

if swiy thinks this then this is the best possible time to give it up!! as the feelings of "wonderful" smack arent hitting ya good man..... swim says if swiy dont think its worth it then swiy will not miss it.....

peace out

[Junkhead23]

Yeah every hit is pretty awesome for pacman unless the stuff is shitty

[SmokeNmirrors]

Yeah swim would have to agree every hit is magical and hasn't ever shot dope and been like booooorrrrrrriiiinnnngg.

[w33zyjam3s8a8y]

people always talk about "chasing that first hit" but SWIM thinks that first hit wasnt even that cool. SWIM would rather smoke an 80mg OC or a 40mg opana. Much cleaner high compared to black, but that's just SWIMs personal preference...

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by w33zyjam3s8a8y

people always talk about "chasing that first hit" but SWIM thinks that first hit wasnt even that cool. SWIM would rather smoke an 80mg OC or a 40mg opana. Much cleaner high compared to black, but that's just SWIMs personal preference...

First hit wasn't cool...so why even have a second? Swims interested. Swim meant mainlining (first hit) not chasing or snorting.Apologies for not making that clearer.
That first IV dose was the sweetest feeling she'd ever felt. The first experience, that very first high, the realisation that it was possible to feel so fuckin' good. She knew what to expect by the time she had the second. It was so disappointing. Swim remembered the first hit as feeling so much better.
But hey...that's just her take on it...everyone is different.
Good thoughts.

[Junkhead23]

Actually now pacman thinks about it the first IV experience was pretty shitty because he had a mega tolerance but didn't want to have too much the first time and he pretty much felt nothing. So he had about half a teenth a bit later and hat go him truly hooked

[helene]

SWIM has sort of said this already in another thread, so sorry for repeating herself, but...

Everyone goes on about their first hit being the best, and chasing that first hit. SWIM disagrees with this, she thinks that the best hits are the ones you have after you've been up all night rattling your face off, ill as fuck, waiting for the morning to come, and money to come through, and people to wake up, and then when you finally score and get that sweet relief...ahhh.

But it's devious with it, our friend heroin, as this is when it reinforces its hold over you, this is when it reminds you just how good it can be...

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow
Otherwise his 2,284 hit

This made SWIM wonder how many hits she's had, like ever, and she was slightly shocked by the result...a conservative average of, lets say three hits a day, over four years = 4380 hits. Christ.

H

[missparkles]

Heroin is no friend of swims. She doesn't even want to try to work out how many hits she's had. It doesn't help her to stay clean so she doesn't do it. Just makes her sad.
Her head hurts at the very idea.
Jesus...

[dragonuser]

Originally Posted by missparkles

Her head hurts at the very idea.
Jesus...

and at how many holidays/cars/nice items it could have bought..

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by dragonuser

and at how many holidays/cars/nice items it could have bought..

Yeah...ok love don't cane it. Sparkles fessed up to it, that was punishing enough.

[cra$h]

even painkillers never get old. Its the worst feeling in the world when you buy those expensive little fuckers, but once you clog up the nose, lean back, and just whisper to yourself "damn" it seems like it's always worth it. Until you come back down and realize what the fuck you're actually doin (nothing at all).

[missparkles]

Swim used to joke with her counselor that if she'd put the same amount of time, effort and determination into a career that she did into using, she would possibly be the CEO of ICI. Maybe not ICI....but you get the picture.
All of the potential...sat on it's ass...wasted.
That word is so apt...that's exactly what it is...a waste.

[Junkhead23]

Materialistic things don't mean shit to pacman no more. That is the beauty of heroin it strips away the things which simply are not necessary to live. Holidays, cars and any luxuries are extravagances this guy can do without.

[cra$h]

well swim still would love to travel the world, and would rather walk than drive a piece of shit car, but he has learned that living in poverty doesn't mean swim's poor. He has enough to get by, by the skin of his teeth, but has support still. Instead of adventuring the world, he has ventured through his mind. One must know thy self to understand the man next to you

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by cra$h

One must know thy self to understand the man next to you

That's an awesome attitude to have, but fuck the man next to you. Let him deal with his own damn problems, swims only worried about swi crash.
Sparkles would like to see crash at DF for a long time to come.
Take care love.