Trying To Stay Clean But It's Getting Harder..If You've Been Through This Please Help

[seasiren88]

Does anyone know what you can do to help keep your mind off of doing drugs, looking for them, etc.?
I really am trying to only do things that are prescribed to me but I'm finding out the hard way that it's much more difficult than I had originally thought.
All I can think about doing is calling up my "friends" and seeing what they have or what they can find. It's really becoming an obsession...Well, it's pretty much always been an obsession but it's been EXTRA bad since I've been trying to stop doing those certain things.
I've had little contact with those "friends" because it reminds me of the high times. I know enough to at least do that.
I just don't know how to handle it when I start thinking/obsessing about it.
I've tried reading, going to NA meetings (Which are REALLY annoying), watching my favorite shows on TV, listening to music, talking to my wife about it and nothing has seemed to help.
Is there anything AT ALL that I can do to get this off of my mind? I'll seriously try anything! It's making me feel like I'm going insane. I'm literally DYING to feel that high/numbing sensation that you get and I know that if I do it one more time, that "one more time" will keep on and on and on until I'm back in the same shape that I was. I still have 5 Pawns that I have to get out due to my issues and the Pawns, in total, are way over $400 to get out.
I feel like absolute crap right now and I am hating the fact that I'm even breathing. I want what I want and I know I can't ever have it again. Ugh!
I'm taking Suboxone off and on but that only helps the symptoms, it doesn't help out with thinking about it and wanting and "needing" to do it again ... and again. I'm also taking Klonopin to try and keep me from biting someone's head off and that's not going too horribly well either.
If you have ANY other suggestions as to how to keep my mind occupied, etc.. please let me know!

Thanks for any advice and help you can give to me. It's really appreciated!

[chillinwill]

NA/AA meetings are not for everyone and there are other ways one can remain clean & sober without them.

Red Rock is over 15 months clean off opiates and has been in SWIY's position many times and has found a few tricks that work for him. Exercise was absolutely vital for him as it helped clear his mind and provided some of the body's own natural endorphins. ANother thing that helped him was to stay busy. Whether he accomplished this task by posting a lot on here, helping other addicts out, cleaning furiously around the house, watching a movie, taking the dog for a walk, etc, he made sure he stayed busy. When he wasn't busy was when his mind would start to wonder and he would get those ideas....

How long has SWIY been on the Suboxone and Clonazepam?

[Spucky]

Maybe it will be good for swiny to reduce her Focus?
Don`t think about tomorrow or the Week after,
just go step by step, and keep swinys Mind busy.

How`s about Holiday`s far far away from Home?

Otherwise, my Cat know this Feeling very well and think that swiny maybe need more Time in the "Wheel of Suffering"
until there is a final Decision?

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good advice telling OP to try to remain focused on day to day recovery.

[missparkles]

Jesus...this is the hardest thing anyone could ever ask.
Swim found it easy to get into a drug using mindset...everything reminded her of the high drugs gave her.
She had to make a concerted effort to look for something that gave her as much pleasure, not using. That was hard, but as has already been said so many times it can be done.Swiy has to try to focus on getting through the minutes, then the hours. Eventually a day will come when swiy won't think of using at all. But it doesn't come easy.
It takes practise and a determination to see it through. Every ex addict has down days when they feel like going back to it...but usually the clean time is their insurance against that. Not saying it always works...it helps. They know they've been here before and they can get through it.
New hobbies such as exercise, music, college, a job...anything that takes swiys mind of how fuckin' shitty they feel.
Swim feels powerless in these situations...she knows swiy can do this..but swiy has to believe in themselves.
Apologies if this post is a little...rambling, but this takes swim back to when she was struggling. It makes her appreciate what she now has.

[dyingtomorrow]

SWIM can't really fully answer the question, having never been able to kick heroin. He heard the wisest thing on the subject, however, at his last failed rehab:

The man in his group said that he didn't want to have to struggle every day against it, because if you have to fight a hard battle every single day for the rest of your life, you are definitely going to lose and relapse, and be miserable in the mean time. He wanted it to be natural and easy not to drink.

What SWIM took from this, is that you have to find something that makes it easy not to go back to your drug of choice. SWIM doesn't know what that is, but it seems some people find it after a while. Maybe knocking some broad up and having a kid? Heheh ... *shrug*

Reputation Comments on this post:

Never heard it put this way and it really makes one think. Thank you for sharing this viewpoint

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow

Maybe knocking some broad up and having a kid? Heheh ... *shrug*

Expensive to maintain...just like a habit.

[Master_Khan]

Making money, learning how to save and invest; not being 'dope broke' all the time is awesome, but it requires a stomach for pain, suffering, sacrifice, discipline, and delayed gratification. Get past all that junk & ya got it licked!

[fluffhead]

seasiren88,
One of the biggest steps can be admitting we have a problem. And I fully believe the next step is for us to realize that we are not going to magically wake up one day and not want to get high. Getting high tends to be all we know and all we care about or want to do.
Honestly, if you've tried other techniques that have failed in the past, you really may want to consider treatment (inpatient). Of course it's not first choice or ideal, however can be very beneficial. The cure comes from within the person, but it can be a great and rewarding experience. I wish you luck in your battles, as addiction is a hard one to beat; though it is fully possible and what you gain from the aftermath of living sober is beautiful.
If you need anything else, Im sure many people involved with this forum would be happy to help/listen/be there for you in your time of need, including me. let us know. Asking for help is ALWAYS okay.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great points in your post. This is very important information to anyone that is struggling

[ex-junkie]

ill have to keep this on my clipboard for awhile. :P

Originally Posted by ex-junkie

download some music production software demos, and get stuck into swiys new hobby.

will take swiy a few years to get really good at it, and what better way to express emotions than to put it into music?

http://www.propellerheads.se/download/

http://www.ableton.com/downloads

http://flstudio.image-line.com/documents/download.html


these programs arent too hard to learn. will take a few months to get to know swiys way around either of them, so download the demos, take a peek, see which one works best for swiy, then either buy the full version or download a torrent.

[seasiren88]

Originally Posted by ex-junkie

ill have to keep this on my clipboard for awhile. :P

SWIM has been on Suboxone for almost 2 years (Off and On) and SWIM has been on Klonopin 4 years now.
All SWIM wants is for things to get better and late last night was one of the WORST NIGHTS that I've had for a little while and it carried over to this morning.
The dreams, the thoughts about all the "stuff" SWIM used to do, her old "buddies" .. It's all gone and every time I think about it being all gone I feel like I'm going to have a freakin heart attack! Especially right now due to my very rough night and already foul morning!

seasiren88 added 11 Minutes and 28 Seconds later...

Swim appreciates the links given to her!
Swim has checked two of the three out and so far so good!
Swim wanted to thank you for giving her the information that you did for keeping her mind occupied ... All Swim asks is that you keep your fingers crossed for her because she had the worst night last night and it's carried itself over to her morning as well!
Best Wishes and Stay Safe!

[seasiren88]

I've been on Klonopin for 4 years and Suboxone for about 2.
I appreciate what all of you have said, it's giving me a little more courage to do what I know I need to do.
I just hate that it's going to be this miserable and hard!

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by seasiren88

I just hate that it's going to be this miserable and hard!

Think about swiys drug use, that is a true definition of misery.
Swim really dislikes all of the hype that's built up around getting clean. Yeah it's difficult, physically and emotionally painful, but it's not the most difficult thing swim has had to endure.
If swiy had flu, they'd cope. They wouldn't consider it a huge battle getting over it, would they? The pain of W/D is like a bad case of flu.
Swim isn't negating how hard it is, she's been there she knows how difficult it is, but sometimes quitting drugs can be seen as an unwinnable battle and some people think it's unachievable, and don't try. Some people are so frightened of all they've heard about W/D they're too scared to try.
It can be hard work staying clean, to begin with, but it gets easier. But using drugs (lifestyle) is hard work too, don't forget that.
Swim wishes swiy all the best.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Excellent point about using drugs being a difficult lifestyle too.

[Esmerelda]

First of all, you're doing amazingly well already. Seriously. I was really impressed when I read how long it's been - I was expecting you to say a couple of months or something.

Secondly, the thing that struck me from your posts is that for you at the moment, getting clean is all about pushing away from something (the addiction), not about being pulled towards something. What I mean is that you are very focused on not using, but that's not enough. You need something else in your life to focus on - something to pull you away from the drugs. Something important in your life that you love and that can become a major interest, but which you need to be clean in order to do.

So forgetting about the drugs for a minute, if you don't mind me asking, what else in life are you passionate about? Or if there isn't anything that quite fits that description, what things do you think you would like to get involved in if you could do anything you wanted?

[ex-junkie]

Self-Discipline

[el burgo]

SWIM is just like you, SWIM not content unless he is high on some sort of drug, SWIM is stoned now. SWIM cycles often and find it to be very therepeutic. When SWIM cycles SWIM does not think about drugs and after a good workout SWIM feels really good and doesnt think or need a hit for a good few hours.
Try some excersise it really can make a huge difference. Hope this helps!

Reputation Comments on this post:

Supportive post.

[adam7050]

Originally Posted by seasiren88

Does anyone know what you can do to help keep your mind off of doing drugs, looking for them, etc.?
I really am trying to only do things that are prescribed to me but I'm finding out the hard way that it's much more difficult than I had originally thought.
All I can think about doing is calling up my "friends" and seeing what they have or what they can find. It's really becoming an obsession...Well, it's pretty much always been an obsession but it's been EXTRA bad since I've been trying to stop doing those certain things.
I've had little contact with those "friends" because it reminds me of the high times. I know enough to at least do that.
I just don't know how to handle it when I start thinking/obsessing about it.
I've tried reading, going to NA meetings (Which are REALLY annoying), watching my favorite shows on TV, listening to music, talking to my wife about it and nothing has seemed to help.
Is there anything AT ALL that I can do to get this off of my mind? I'll seriously try anything! It's making me feel like I'm going insane. I'm literally DYING to feel that high/numbing sensation that you get and I know that if I do it one more time, that "one more time" will keep on and on and on until I'm back in the same shape that I was. I still have 5 Pawns that I have to get out due to my issues and the Pawns, in total, are way over $400 to get out.
I feel like absolute crap right now and I am hating the fact that I'm even breathing. I want what I want and I know I can't ever have it again. Ugh!
I'm taking Suboxone off and on but that only helps the symptoms, it doesn't help out with thinking about it and wanting and "needing" to do it again ... and again. I'm also taking Klonopin to try and keep me from biting someone's head off and that's not going too horribly well either.
If you have ANY other suggestions as to how to keep my mind occupied, etc.. please let me know!

Thanks for any advice and help you can give to me. It's really appreciated!

Been down the same road a few times, learning a few things each time, but really the same lesson was repeated. Never underestimate your opponent.

my doc had me on xanax, then colonop???s, but they were about the only thing that would offer relief when my mind would really start racing. I started taking too many, cause they were very effective, but doc wasnt too pleased. I made the mistake of quitting those too, not too much fun. Had to it over again, i would have some how found a way to take them in moderation. I'd rather take too many benzo;s vs an ounce of coke a week. If your lookin for advice?

*go find your old friends that don;'t do it, and forget anyone that does, at least for a year. ,
* it's a team sport, get your friends and family involved, triggers are everywhere, make sure your team is aware of compromising situations, so they can help you avoid a bad scene.
*the more you get friends and family involved, the harder it will be to disappoint them. the more reasons to resist the better.
* the club is the worst place to be, take the wife to a nice restaurant with the money you;'ll see your saving...eventually
* exercise, exercise, exercise. not only does it eat up some idle time, but if you are now, dont; you notice the day isnt so much of a mental argument with yourself, and a much better over all outlook on the days that you do? (even walking 2 or 3 miles to start if your not)
*Finally, suck it up, don't relapse in the 4th or 5th month, just get through 4-12, and you'll be glad you did. It ain't easy, but plan B would really suck!

[Cybi]

Swim has totally had days like these. Swim couldn't take NA meetings either because she didn't like the mainly male group dynamic.
Swim spent many days trapped in her own head. Not being able to see past the 'want'. Swim had to find the thing. The thing that she could do for herself, something that made her feel good without involving drugs.
To start with the thing was going shopping and spending a tiny fraction of what swim was spending just a few weeks before. Being uterlly selfish and buying makeup and expensive chocolates. Swim knows that sounds very girly but it made her feel brilliant at the time.

What swim is trying to say is that the thing that you first find to occupy your mind doesn't have to me life changing in its self. It can be anything that makes you feel good and forget that you want to use. Even if the result is short lived its worth it. :0)

[el burgo]

Swim is almost a week clean off alcohol after a 3 year heavy drinking binge and it is getting harder...swim is feeling down more often and loses his temper at anything! Swim plays electric guitar and turns the amp up and plays/sings some song relevent to swims state of mind - at the moment - Springsteens Downbound Train

What swim is trying to say is try and find a medium to let it out - scream into a pillow for 30 seconds - it helps.