Journal - Oh the tales of what addiction can do to a young lad

[chillinwill]

So Red Rock is currently at the 15 month mark of his recovery. It has taken him a long time to get to this point so lets revisit how he got here. By the way, bare with Red Rock here as his backspace key no longer works and he has to use the delete key which is annoying as hell to correct misspelled words.

Well it all started at the ripe young age of about 12 or 13 when he took his first drink. He got sick and started puking because at that time, he didn't know his limits. Then, when Red Rock was in 6th grade, he got introduced into smoking weed by some people he played baseball with. After experimenting with these two substances several times in middle school and finding not much interest with them, he entered high school. In middle school, he had many friends and was fairly popular. However, once he entered high school, even though he played sports, he doesn't know waht happened to that popularity. He felt like a social outcast or something. Anyways, he resumed drinking and smoking weed and started researching drugs laying around the house on Erowid such as his mom's barbituates she takes for her migranes, the power of Adderall that he takes daily, DXM, etc. This is where he got his first real "whiff" of what drugs can do. He still remembers the nights during this time where he would be a dumbass and take like 120-140mg of Adderall and stay up all night playing PS2. Eventually his tolerance started building to the barbituates (specifically butalbital) so he had to start taking 8-12 pills at a time to feel something. He would combine this with alcohol and even attempt to drive. Oh what a dumbass he was back then.

Now, still in high school, he got his first taste of an opiate (other than DXM). He had some hydrocodone from an operation and instead of taking one, he took two hydrocodone pills and although he was puking, he enjoyed the sensations it provided. It allowed him to just numb out and chill. He also found a reliable connect for mushrooms and Ecstasy pills. SO he started using multitudes of drugs and different combinations. His favorite was alcohol though because of the feelings it provided and the easy accessibility. Although he was a straight A and occasional B student throughout high school without ever having to study, he felt he needed to entertain himself. So he would use some of these substances during class such as tripping on a 1/16 of mushrooms or DXM or even mixing liquor with gatorade or soda during class. Eventually he got caught with the liquor mixing and got suspended. This was a first sign that a problem had developed but at the time, he didn't think he had any problems and thought it was all fun and games.

Now he had also started drinking by himself which most kids his age didn't do that. They went out and partied which he did occasionally but just like to kick it at home and just drink a beer while grilling some burgers or watching tv. Although it was never just one drink, he always got totally shitfaced.

In the transition from high school to college, he got his first taste of heroin from his girlfriend at the time. He hated the feeling it provided as it made him all hot and sweaty and not too euphoric. He was also puking his guts out at the time. His goal was at the time to try every drug out there at least once so he could cross them off his list of drugs to try. He chalked out this experience to be just an experiment; one and done and thats it. Yet, he had no idea what was to come.

He entered college at one of the premier engineering schools in the USA. He left high school with a 4.3 GPA and finished in the top 5% of his graduating class. Yet, when he left this college after one semester, he had a 1.7 GPA. That 1.7 GPA included his dropping of two classes as well that he would have had F's in so his GPA would have been even lower. Here at college, he would socialize like a motherfucker all hopped up on ecstasy, alcohol, etc. Anything he could get his hands on, he did and did it like no other. And with no parent supervision, he could go all out. At the end of his first semester in college, his roomate and Red Rock were smoking weed and the RA smelled it and called the campus police. THe police came and found no weed, but did catch Red Rock with liquor so he was charged with an underage in possession of alcohol charge. THis is where Red Rock first thought that he might have a problem. He thought he might use more drugs and drink way more and just use differently than people his own age.

He comes back home and continues to party with some friends and using drugs as if he were still in college. Eventually, his parents caught on quickly and said that he had a problem. His parents submitted him to his first Intensive Outpatient treatment center in which he only stayed in for a week or two. He failed 4 drug tests in that time period for numerous substances (marijuana, barbituates, benzodiazepines, cocaine, and amphetamines). The IOP place then said he was not compliant with their rules and said he needed more treatment so they reccommended an inpatient facility. So Red Rock was shipped off to a 30 day facility in which he thought he might have an occasional problem, nothing to serious, and if he just focused, he could easily stop using. Little did he know...

He entered the inpatient facility not knowing what to expect. Here he was in his late teens and most everybody else was in their 30's, 40's or even older. He did have 3 other people around the same age as him in the same treatment center which was cool because they all bonded closely together. All of these people that he bonded with closely were there because of legal issues though and not because they thought they had a problem. So of course Red ROck thought the same thing about himself except he wasn't there because of legal problems. He was just there to satisfy his parents and make them happy and get them off his back. Well he ended up meeting a girl there, she gave him a bunch of clonazepam and Suboxone. Well Red Rock got mighty fucked up and of course got caught and kicked out of rehab. So after two rehab stints, he had learned nothing.

Red Rock came home and his parents didn't want them to live with them so he moved in with a friend and started working full time. At the job he worked at, one of the co workers used heroin and of course Red ROck was able to pick them out as a druggie immediately so Red ROck started talking to him about what drugs he could get. They started using heroin occasionally (snorting it) about once or twice a month on the weekends. Eventually, this turned into a couple times a week thing and then almost every day and then every day habit. The habit then doubled in size (0.1g a day to 0.2g a day). Eventually, Red ROck started spending too much money on this. He also woke up one morning to go to work and didn't have any heroin, and low and behold, he was sick and not quite sure why. He thought he might just have overdone the heroin the day before. Well after about a month to a month and a half of doing it daily and not getting high anymore by snorting, he progressed to shooting.

Nothing can even compare to the intensity the high was with the needle. Once that warm rush swam through his body and took his breath away, it was all she wrote there. Red ROck was puking and and shit that day, but he didn't care. For one time, at that moment, he had no worries in the world and felt content about who he was. Well he figured out he could get higher than ever before on smaller amounts thus saving money by using the needle. This was a godsend for him at the time.

Well he had to go to another inpatient rehab facility for failing multiple drug tests for court (due to the underage alcohol charge). This was another 30 day treatment center in which he completed that program sucessfully. He came back home again and then proceeded to immediately go back to heroin with this girl he had met through his coworker. Now this girl was very hot so of course Red Rock kept hanging out with her and proceeding to do heroin. Who the fuck wouldn't want to fuck a sexy, hot heroin hottie? Well at this time, Red Rock picked up a full blown habit. He was shooting 0.5g a day. His parents had not a clue to what was going on at this time.

Well one day, Red Rock ran out of money so he started selling off some of the things he owned on ebay and whatnot to get money. Ipod, DVD's, books, etc were sold. Around this time, his parents started questioning him about where his money was going. One day, he shot too much of unknown purity heroin and went unconciousness. He was in his room at his parents house and his mom came in, found him leaning against his bed, with him having a very faint, shallow pulse and not breathing. She called 911 and they had to come use Narcan to revive him. He would OD several more times during the course of his addiction. Red Rock could not lie anymore and "sorta" wanted to have to stop using heroin daily just to function. His habit had grown to 1.1 g a day. So he told his parents the truth which was the hardest thing Red Rock ever had to do. They cried but they agreed to get him help and were very supportive. He at first went and got put on methadone and then Suboxone later on. He stayed on Suboxone for several months before totally coming off of it due to not being able to stay clean. He was still using heroin on top of the Suboxone as well as when he was on the Methadone. His doctor recommended the Vivitrol shot, an extended release naltrexone shot given once a month. Since this was a total opiate blocker, the theory was Red Rock would not feel anything if any opiates were administred. So Red Rock proceeded to enter a 22 day Wilderness program for young adults to get him out of his environment where heroin was so prevalent. The Wilderness program then recommended he go to a 1 year program in Oregon for young adults (18-24 year olds). He went out to Oregon and made it through 3-4 months of Rehab but then eventually got kicked out for buying alcohol and supplying to some other people in the treatment center. He lived homeless on the streets of Oregon for a while and picked up a IV cocaine habit as well as doing meth quite frequently.

He came back to his home state and got arrested for 4 felonies and 2 misdemeanors. This was a HUGE wake up call for him as he had to spend a night in jail before being bonded out. He then entered a transitional living facility in which he worked for the owner of the company doing various administrative assistant jobs and computer related tasks. He failed numerous drug tests for herion there before finally being kicked out. He had nowhere to go and his parents didn't want him at the time. Eventually, his convinced his parents to take him in just temp. until he could find another place to go. At this time, Red Rock was genuinely sincere about wanting to get clean & sober. This turned out to be the biggest thing Red Rock did as well as continuing to stay on the Vivitrol shot. Red Rock continued to occasionally go to an NA meeting, but this was only to satisfy his parents for the most part. He did not enjoy these meetings and found them to be hostile, not helpful, and actually producing cravings for him. So Red Rock stopped going to them and created his own "recovery" program which consisted of daily exercise, lots of posting here on DF, helping others here on DF, and helping parents around the house.

He stayed clean the longest he ever had been clean, had a little lapse in judgement in which he shot heroin after being triggered at a party but got immediately back on the right track. He then had a little spurt with alcohol thinking he could use that recreationally but that turned out not to be the case. During this whole time, he used psychedelics occasionally which not only provided a fun time, but helped him in his recovery if used at the right times. Red Rock now is slightly over the 15 month mark being off heroin.

He has learned a lot so far in his recovery and the learned never stops. If not for the members of this forum and his parents, he would not be here today. He considers himself very lucky and grateful to be one of the people that has recovered from heroin. If Red Rock remembers anything more that he feels is worthwhile mentioning, he will come back and edit this huge story one more time but for now, this is it.

By the way, if you want to check out Red Rock's story after he relapsed in his recovery, check out the thread Relapse....Now What From Here

Reputation Comments on this post:

	good info for all
	Well written with lots of information. Really shows the progression of addiction.
	Fantastic personal story. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
	Increadible story, really shows how it just sneaks up on ya
	very goood stiry ! Am doing my own soon which will be similar...
	Great awareness, detailing the descent into addiction and recovery. Keep it up.