Sober Hallucinations, Worst Acid Trip Ever, and How It Made SWIM SWIM.

[Dr.Evil]

Many of you will think this is insane, and will never be able to understand why someone would willingly do this.....hopefully you will though....

So, SWIM decided to join a social group at his University freshman year...this group has a long tradition and history on campus (over 100 years, and over 2100 members). This group is pretty selective, and SWIM had to go through quite a bit of bullshit to become an active member. This involved being at social functions everyday, cleaning, and basically being an all around servant (pledge) while learning everything about the history and current people of the group. About 40 each year are invited to join, and about 25-30 actually end up becoming members.

By the end of SWIMs....identured servanthood...we were all great friends, and always chilled with people in the group....but before we could become active members we had to make it through inspiration week, or "i-week". This is where the story really begins.

For inspiration week, one full week is spent at the group's house/headquarters without leaving, or being in contact with anyone other that people going through I-week, or members of the group. It starts like it ends quickly, without warning, and painfully.

This group was restarted (shutdown during WW2, because everyone was drafted) after WW2, and the US marine bootcamp was used as a model for the social groups final "proving" week.

SWIM was allowed one change of clothes the entire week. All day was spent moving in new members to the house, painting, cleaning, learning tradition, history,etc... basically everything and anything that had to do with the group. This was the good part of the day. Several times throughout the day whistle's would be blown, and the new initiates (new I's)would be quizzed on house history, active members, etc.... and needless to say 90% of the time they couldn't be satisfy...when this happened the new I's would be excercised (hours of pushups, situps, lunges, running in place, etc...)

This all got progressively worse for SWIM as the week went on. SWIM and his best friends (new I's) were given 2 whole onions per day to eat, and had to finish both..(this is between all the new I's, which was at 32 and at this point only 22 are left) The only other food available was food stolen to eat. If SWIM was found eating/sleeping during the day a whistle would sound and exercise would commence. This is on top of only sleeping 1-3 hours a night an hour at a time. SWIM would be woken up by blaring music (star wars imperial death march, SWIM still gets chills when he hears it) after an hour and forced to recite group history, facts, etc.... until the new I's screwed it up , and would be exercised again.

As you can imagine, SWIM and all his best friends were esentially zombies by the third day of the week. No drugs were ingested during this time at all, except ciggaretes that SWIM stole which he almost lived off of.

At night the exercising got progressivly worse throughout the week, especially at night...to the point where SWIM had lost almost 10 pounds and slept 4 hours in about 3 days...by day 5 SWIM and several of his friends were starting to hallucinate while being exercised at night.....and its not easy to recite facts, quotes, and group history in this state. SWIMs friends were given 3 water bottles between 20 people every couple of hours of exercising.

The only reason SWIM was still sane and making it was because of the friends he was with were doing the same thing and still not giving up.....esentially this week is meant to break down the individual and rebuild them into a group. Just like Bootcamp..

On the last night, which SWIM didn't know at the time, the water given to SWIMs group was laced with LSD. Before this even happened, people had broken down, tried to leave, and been convinced by SWIM to stay. This is without a doubt the single worst night of SWIMs life. At this point (the 7th night) SWIM has lost ~ 16 pounds, has trouble keeping his train of thought, has to help friends carry small, small weights up stairs b/c they can't do it, and has been having sober hallucinations for about 2 days....

The group is brought into the basement to exercise were flourescent spray paint has been sprayed all over the walls in trippy, somewhat freaky pictures and designs. It is only illuminated by blacklights and there are no windows. After about 2 hours of excercising (SWIM isn't sure about times it is all a terrible blur) and an hour after taking the LSD-laced water SWIM's faint /sporadic sober hallucinations become strong, violent, and almost constant....while the entire time SWIM is doing exercises and being yelled at (drill sergaent style)......this is also happening to all of SWIMs friends (except SWIMs deadhead friend who has taken so much LSD the little amount hardly affected him).....this continues all through the night and into the early morning....after this things somewhat took a more positive tone and within a day SWIMs group were active members.

But, what I was getting at is that this horrible experience (prob the worst of SWIMs life) completely changed who SWIM is. SWIM literally felt and still feels that he walked to the brink..........that so much mental/phsyical pain was going to push him over the edge into insanity if he did not give up. But, SWIMs friends saved him. his friends breaking past his individual anguish to help him become one with the group helped SWIM overcome in pain and fear.

Picture in your head twenty....18-19 yr old guys, havent eaten or slept in days, unknowingly tripping on LSD, holding each other up because they couldnt stand alone...

Anyways, kind of a long story....and I understand that many people look down on these types of things, or just think its idiotic.

But SWIM has been to the edge and back.......SWIM since that week has believed that if he can make it through that, when he could of (and was being told to) walk out the door that was right down the hall, then nothing can break him and he can do anything. That and the more important fact that SWIM became one with the group. These will always be SWIMs best friends, and since then have proven their undying loyalty many times (one even saved him from being stabbed)...SWIM has many friends, but he experienced such hardship with those people they are in effect blood brothers for life...

This was one of the worst experiences in SWIMs life, but because of the reasons I just mentioned he cannot help but look back on it in a favorable light. If you haven't figured it out yet this is an account of SWIMs personal experiences with hazing. SWIM doesn't approve of, find joy in, or participate in hazing (and was somewhat suprised by it when it happened)

But, SWIM wouldn't be the man he is today without it happening to him.

**Sorry for the length, but this was a very tramautic/emotional experience for SWIM and he has trouble expressing it in words.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Thank you for sharing; good story.
	Excellent story, i can't imagine how fucking hard (and totally insane) that must of been
	Fascinating story

[Balatro_Diogenes]

That was a gripping story to read... I don't think I can imagine the realm SWIY has visited.

I'm glad that SWIY has managed to find some light in said time of darkness.

I wish you all the best Dr. Evil.

[Codehead]

Sounds interesting, can you tell more about the actual trip and the hallucinations you saw?

[thedream]

Damn bro what social group was SWIY joining the skull and bones or somethin?

[Sameria]

Reading that the people who you considered your friends sound like real assholes.

Perhaps I don't understand the whole phrat thing because I'm in Australia, but that seems a little extreme for me.

I would have killed someone before I was a member

At least you made it through, and hopefully a little stronger minded for it!

[Dr.Evil]

To all who replied thanks for finding this story interesting, crazy, stupid, or whatever.

The hallucinations were....scary to say the least. At first SWIM thought it was from lack of food/water. This had been giving swim blurred visuals, shifting patterns, and the like for about a day before this actual experience. But, as the night progressed SWIM realized that something was different. Neon spray painted walls started to glow and pop out, with images of dragons, devils, nasty sayings, and weird designs. The acitves running the "hell night" seemed to grow in proportion and seem even more menacing than before. It is hard to pick out specific hallucinations at this point, because it was such a violent, constant trip that SWIM believes he has blocked some of it out. All SWIM remembers is retreating into himself.

SWIM remembers "retreating" to a small corner of his mind to block out the insanity and hysteria he could feel slowly creeping up on him. It was about this time that SWIM realized what was happening to him (he had been given LSD).....this helped SWIM cope somewhat by realizing it was the LSD making him feel this way. What really saved SWIM though was a realization he had.

SWIM had done LSD once before, so once he realized what was going on it allowed him to tolerate it better. But, that also made SWIM realize that his best friends (some who have never used hallucinogens) were experiencing the same thing with no ....reference point(?)....to understand what was happening.

When SWIM realized this he "came out" of the corner of his mind were he was hiding from insanity, and actually looked at and took in the entire scene. SWIM saw his best friends who are some of the toughest, most loyal people he has ever met (university freshman guys) on the verge of collapse, and some even crying openly from the pain mental and physical. This is what brought SWIM back from the abyss.

He realized that he wasn't as important as all of his friends were, and they needed him. So SWIM pushed through everything the hysteria, pain, and anger to help his friends. The inculded everything from doing push-ups with a 210lb friend on SWIMs back because he couldn't do them anymore.....to just telling everyone it was ok and that it will be over soon.

In regards to the "your friends sound like assholes" comment. SWIM agrees...this week is extremely secret, and it is not talked about. If any of SWIMs group had known prior to this week, no one would have showed. After getting there tho....the general thought was is SWIM really that big of a pussy (no disrespect meant ladies) that he can't put up with anything for a week?..

and yes SWIM didn't hang out with the people who put him thru it for a good while, but SWIM realized that because of that experience he now has friends that would take a bullet for him (literally i mentioned earlier one saved his life)...and that he felt like he couldnt be broken...and eventually he got over it by realizing that all the guys who put him through it....did the exact same thing themselves to get in.

The group SWIM joined is comparable to the "skull and bones" stuff everyone kind of hears about.. It is a fraternity in the US, but for reasons that should be obvious SWIM is not going to disclose the actual name or location.

Sorry for the length, once again, but it is hard to describe what happened and how SWIM felt about it.