Journal - A decade of Turmoil: EJ's story

[ex-junkie]

A DECADE OF TURMOIL- [EJ's ADDICTION AND RECOVERY EXPERIENCE WITH AMPHETAMINES, HEROIN, METHADONE, SUBUTEX, NALTREXONE, VALIUM, ECSTASY, AND METHAMPHETAMINES]

swim started off taking drugs as a teenager. the usual marijuana, then acid from ages 13-16, then she started taking amphetamines at parties on weekends with mates. she would snort this. at 17 she started injecting amphetamines, and literally bustled straight into the throes of addiction from that first shot.

swim was a very troubled teenager. she hated the way she looked, she suffered from pretty bad depression, low self esteem, and she wasnt happy with her body. fast forward to amphetamines- instant confidence, the weight started to drop off, and she was happy with the way she looked (at first). there was always a constant supply of amphetamines about her house, and by the end of year 12 she had a raging habit.

she remembers sitting there with her bf at the time who was mixing up a shot, and she knew she was just about to slip over the edge. swim told her bf they should stop, but he refused, and being a stupid teenager swim said, "well if youre going to down, then will you steep so low as to take me with you"? this obviously didnt matter to him, as he injected her. this was supposed to be a test of his love for her and he failed.

the amphetamine habit continued for 2 years whilst the bf got a heroin habit. his dad was selling drugs and had shifted from selling amphetamines to heroin, as he himself had picked up a habit after commencing a relationship with a heroin addict.

swim continued using amphetamines oblivious to the bfs newfound heroin habit. things that make sense now, but didnt at the time, include waking during the night due to his soaking the bed and quilt with sweat. she did not know he was laying awake suffering withdrawals.

the bf did an armed robbery and ended up getting locked up for 8 months. in this time swim had started to associate with a girl (who died of a heroin overdose around 5 years ago), who was working as an escort and using heroin. swim was in a lot of debt from her amphetamine use, and went along to start working with her. of course this wasnt something that swim had the nerve or will to do straight, so she started to use heroin with this girl on work nights.

oblivous to the destruction of heroin, and still completely naive to it all, swim didnt realize she had a heroin addiction until she went out of town for escort work. she went to sleep that night, then woke up with horrific withdrawals. a doctor gave her some codeine tablets and valium which tied her over for a couple of weeks. the second swim arrived back in the city, she scored and continued to use.

so by now swim was making shitloads of money doing escort work, and started some soft porn work also. it wasnt for a couple of years until swim went onto methadone. she continued to abuse heroin whilst on methadone for the most part. she went into detox centres and tried to quit, but failed miserably every time. her life went downhill more and more until she met her ex.

the ex wasnt a heroin addict. at one time in his life he had been addicted to amphetamines, but aside from the odd drink here and there, he was clean. she met him whilst she doing escort work. he was a customer. he was from interstate, and they ended up meeting up outside of work hours for some "fun". it was around this time that swim went onto subutex. subutex made swim crave to be social, horny and in general playful. all of this was very attractive to her ex, and despite all of her problems, they fell in love.

she ended up moving in with him, and he was a massive help to her recovery over all just as much as he made it difficult. she spent around 9 years with this man, and during this time she eventually quit the escort and porn work, and had moments of normality in her life. she cut her ties with her good friend, who ended being raped, murdered and then torched in a forest out of town.

relapses came and went, all lasting various amounts of time, but in the year 2000, she moved interstate and got a naltrexone implant. they took the train, which took about 4 days, and by the time she got there she was more or less clean. however she was still horribly hanging out, and was taking alot of valium. the ex grew tired of swim, and drove her 3 hours to her grandpas house and left her there.

her grandpa had been getting sexual favours from a 25 year old prostitute who had a heroin problem herself, and this is how she got hooked up to the doctor who did the naltrexone implants. swim cared for her grandpa whilst she was there, as he had a knee reconstruction during the time she was there.

the doctor who did the naltrexone implants gave her valium like lollies. eventually swim tired of her grandpa who was a massive wanker, and ended up moving back with her ex (who had missed her dearly, but who was now willing to give her another chance because she was on naltrexone and clean).

swim had a really bad reaction to the naltrexone implant, and it was very sore and swollen. she was in a very bad way, and was taking too much valium. she ended up getting the implant removed at the hospitals suggestion because it had become severly infected and she was in bare pain! so swim started on naltrexone tablets.

swim and her ex got sick of his family (they are cunts lol), so they ended up moving back to the state where they had moved from. swim continued to be clean for a good 3 months before she relapsed onto the heroin. this relapse was only short lived. within a week she went to see her doctor, got a methadone prescription, and he did a pregnancy test at random... swim was pregnant.

swim stayed on 25MG of biodone (methadone without sugar and alcohol/other additives) for her entire pregnancy. she took 12.5MG split doses daily and had 6 take home doses a week. the baby was born in 2003 and didnt suffer from any withdrawals.

approx 6 weeks after the baby was born, swim and her ex split up for awhile and swim had a relapse. again, this didnt last long, however when she picked herself back up from this relapse, she started to inject her methadone. her dose creeped up to a peak of 55MG over the next year, and she started to buy street doses also.

swim told her doctor a massive fib and said she was going away for a holiday, and got something like 14 take home doses. she got greedy and double dosed herself a bit, so she ended up being 6 days short and she couldnt find anything on the street to supplement for this time. this is when she got pissed off and said fuck it. she went 3 days without methadone, used heroin on the third day, then started buprenorphine as a quick taper. she was on the buprenorphine for 5 days, then her doctor admitted her to a regional hospital, drugged her the fuck out, and commenced low dose naltrexone (1MG every couple of hours). apart from feeling cold and having the runs, swim was fine. she took a full naltrexone tablet the next day, and then went home.

shes been clean from opiates ever since. that was 2005.

within a couple of months of quitting methadone, swim started to abuse ecstasy quite heavily, then progressed to smoking methamhetamines- she quit the needles when she quit the opiates, and she justified it to herself as harm reduction. "oh well at least its not heroin eh"...

swim finally wrapped up her methamphetamine addiction around 2 years ago, so 2007. entire drug addiction went from 1997-2007. what a massive waste of life, what a massive waste of money, and thank christ she came out on the other side, because at one point she seriously thought she was going to die a heroin addict.

the changing point for swim was definitely going to the doctor and finding out she was pregnant on the same day as going back on methadone. it wasnt about her anymore. also the injecting of the methadone. it really helped her to stay off heroin at a time in her life when she couldnt stop thinking about heroin.

massive props to her dickhead ex, who actually helped somewhat, however towards the end, he was wanting to score heroin (even though he didnt have a habit), and he was always leaving her money to score.

swim quit opiates, she left him. things werent the same. swim was a different person. they got back together during her methamphetamine abuse, and he would leave her money to score daily. he was enabling her to ruin herself, and fucking him off was the best thing she did in the end. she dumped him for the last time 2 years ago.

long. :P



here is a link to a journal swim kept in 2005 just before she commenced her detox.

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=96773