We are trying to create an index of the individual experiences, stories and histories of members (or guests) that have dealt with an addiction of any form. please include as much info as you feel comfortable with. The complete story of the addiction and (if applicable) the recovery is wanted here. Long stories are most welcome.

Please include how it started, when it got bad, major turning points for better and worse, how it was finally resolved (including continuing functional use)and anything you have learned along the way or that others could learn from your experiences. mainly we are looking for an overall experience, why/how it started, pivotal or particularly vivid points of reference during the addiction, how/when/why it all ended, if it has. if it is still an on-going struggle, those are welcome too, as they characterize addiction. please try to determine a descriptive title for the story (c'mon, use that creative writing stuff they tried to teach us in school!)

If you already have a journal/blog, that portrays this, then please post a link here. If your journal or blogs only describe part of the history, then please use the text in your journal & blogs to create a full story.

You can add various chapters to your story if you want. Please add titled chapters in long stories. Please add line breaks here needed for easy reading. If there are pictures or images that you would like to add, then feel free to so.
Think of a title for your story and post it as a new thread or blog. Remember to post in the right forum. Please post the link to your story here. We will add the link to this index:

So, my good friend Goobie never did anything like drinking, smoking, or drug use in the first 16 1/2 years of her life. But she was very curious about it and found new friends that were already into herb, drinking, and Meth. So, when she moved out of her parents' house at 16 1/2 and in with an older man as her roommate Ballsack (who was a close family friend) she immediately fell into the wild and crazy lifestyle, all too happy to do so.

She still remembers very clearly the first time that she ever got drunk (Sparks and Vodka) and it was also at that time that she lost her virginity - because she wanted to just get it done and over with. She LOVED the feeling that alcohol gave her - she was able to loosen up and be "herself", she thought. It was pure ecstasy. She was usually a very quiet, shy, unsure girl, but the alcohol allowed her to be the outgoing, fun girl that she knew she had deep down..! As soon as she had that first experience of being drunk she didn't want to let it go - she continued to drink every single night for about a month.

Then, when alcohol wasn't enough, she asked the experienced roommate (Ballsack) to get her a bag of herb - she wanted to move onto something else. Well, that was some hardcore chronic and she LOVED it - even more than alcohol. She smoked a fattie Georgia Peach blunt that first time and was hooked from then on. She couldn't go without a bag of herb for the next 2 years or so.

After that roommate and her didn't work out (she let him take her virginity and then didn't really want to be with him after all) she moved onto somebody else. Her friend Jared introduced her to Joe, who was a Crystal Meth dealer. The first night meeting him was Goobie's first night smoking Meth and, again, she LOVED it. She was about 16 3/4 and LOVED any and all mind-altering experiences. It all happened very fast. Her family figured out that she was on Meth about 3 months into the ride - when her car got stolen and she had to fess up.

Well, they made her move back into the family home - where she still had access to a car, money, herb, and plenty of alcohol. The Meth stint was up. Within another 3 months she met a new guy, JoJo, who she fell in love with. He was a Meth addict, but somehow managed to kick the habit with Goobie at his side. During the time that he was kicking the habit, she was still smoking weed and drinking as much as possible - dabbling in Meth on occasion with a certain friend. She also tried Percocet at this time and really found that she enjoyed the feeling.

The next 1 year or so Goobie and JoJo had an over the top abusive relationship and Goobie made sure that she was never out of herb and tried to drink whenever possible. She became pregnant and continued to smoke herb during the pregnancy, with JoJo's consent. She quit smoking herb for maybe 3 months - toward the end of her pregnancy until her son was 1 month old.. Having separated from JoJo, she didn't really care about much - not even her son. She was 18 1/2 and depressed as hell.

For the next year she smoked herb constantly, but didn't drink at all. She figured she was just a bonified stoner and was content with that. Well, then a new man showed up in her life, Champ. She found that the only way she felt comfortable being intimate with him was while drunk and so he kept her well supplied for the next year or so. He was a married man and she felt beyond guilty for her actions - the booze numbed those guilty, sick feelings and Champ seemed to realize this.

When she was 20 she went back to JoJo, to try the family thing for their son's sake. JoJo promised he'd changed (since being in jail for 1 1/2 years) and was going to be a good father and husband to Goobie and Gaugepoo. Well, Goobie got married to him right away (JoJo got her pregnant while she was underage and the probation officer was fine to oversee that once they were married). Almost as soon as they got married JoJo changed back to his old self - even worse than before. He wouldn't allow Goobie to smoke herb, so she started taking those lovely little pills… Vicodin. She also began smoking cigarettes. She couldn't handle being with him unless she was high, she quickly found. JoJo was happy with the pills idea - he indulged alongside of her.

For about 3 months Goobie lived in the abusive home with JoJo as her husband. But her son began having major issues and she saw this and had to make a change. She left JoJo, got a restraining order, and moved back in with her family for awhile. She was able to stop pills and just kept smoking herb. Well, she got back with Champ (the married rastafarian) and picked up drinking again.

She began taking pills again about 3 months into the renewed relationship with Champ. After awhile though she realized the toxic relationship that she was in with Champ and began having panic attacks and all sorts of mental issues. She got into drug counseling and found the strength to leave Champ, once and for all, and quit ALL substances. This only lasted for about 2 months, though.

Next guy was Kole, right around Goobie's 21st birthday. He liked to drink - a lot. Again, Goobie found that she couldn't be intimate unless high or drunk. So, she allowed herself to start drinking and drop out of drug counseling. Their relationship only lasted about a month or so, she tends to push people away... So, she went back to using herb and switched back to Vicodin, again. Slowly but surely she had to up the dose on Vicodin and it just wasn't enough. So... she began using Oxycodone on top of the Vicodin. Then within about 3 months those two weren't enough and she found some Morphine. Well, Morphine was her newfound LOVE - she preferred it over herb, booze, Meth, Vic, or Oxy. Once she started using the MS Contin she couldn't seem to stop herself. For the next 8 months or so she mixed MS Contin, Oxycodone, and Vicodin along with smoking the medical marijuana, on a daily basis.

It wasn't until the end of May, towards her 22nd birthday, that she realized what a problem she had. She would go to school and have the shakes/sweats if she didn't take her pills on time. She was lashing out at her loved ones and unable to control her anger. She was either not feeling/caring or way overly emotional, depending on her already unstable moods. She was becoming a terrible mother to her amazing son and could see that. She met a guy on the internet (who's now her boyfriend that she lives with) and found that with his strength and encouragement she was willing and ready to quit, for good. With his help she quit on June 10th, 2009 the day after college Finals.

HOWEVER, she has some Morphine and Hydrocodone stashed away and she did take a 500mg Hydro today - about an hour ago, using the excuse of the pain from her wisdom tooth. She feels sick to her stomach due to the mental guilt that she's feeling. Yet, she's not willing to go puke it out. Why? She doesn't know. She's come this far - why the fuck did she do that?! She has no self-control. She's been craving alcohol and waiting anxiously every week to drink herself stupid on that one night. Now she's somewhat high on a Hydro and feels numb, but sick. It shows her how she feels high and she really doesn't like this feeling at all. She can't believe this. She feels guilty and wants to tell her boyfriend, but is afraid he'll make her throw away the rest of her small stash and will be angry and disappointed. Why can't she just be done with the shit and move on?! Now she's rambling.. so hopefully no other SWIMmers mind too much. She's pretty high. She's guilty and numb and waiting anxiously for him to get home - afraid that he'll see the difference in her. When will the turning point happen, she wants to know - that she doesn't want to use?! How the hell did she fuck it all up after 29 days clean?! How can she gain the strength to throw out those damned pills or flush them?! Rambling rambling high high. Please excuse the craziness that I'm sure you're reading. Any answers, words of encouragement or help would be much appreciated. Goobie is very depressed at the moment and doesn't know what to do with herself.

**Ilsa** · #3 10-07-2009, 02:30

thanks to goobie for sharing....she has not fallen back to square one because of this. everyone, and i mean EVERYONE, has sllip-ups and outright relapses....swiy has obviously pcked herself up and gone on before and she can now too. she recognizes what the problems are, that's an accomplishment!

please keep posting, there are people out here who care what happens and won't judge mistakes

**Alfa** · #4 15-07-2009, 03:22

m.swinehart81's story is moved here: Smiles, frowns, and alot of ups and downs....

I added some line breaks and a spell check. I did not change the text anywhere.

I found this an interesting read and think others will too. The pitfall of heroin neutralizing suboxone treatment is an important lesson that will help readers. I would loved to read the long story. I know its hard to sum up years, but it would be nice if you could add more.

If you think of any titles for paragraphs or if you think of appropriate images, then please add them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chillinwill

Red Rock's story can be found at Relapse....Now What From Here

Sorry I can't be more helpful at this moment but Red Rock is going through some of his own personal issues right now

What we will need is one big story describing it all. Consider it a mega blog post. You can use your thread to extract all information to make it into one story with various chapters. Please do not feel rushed. It can wait until you feel better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissM87

SWIM is going to add her story here, as she does not know how to link or anything like that :/ She's willing to learn, though - if anyone has directions.

Could you add a title to your story?

rokman nash · #5 15-07-2009, 03:55

Dave's story can be expanded upon or revised, whichever would be most helpfull let me know.

Good Thoughts

chillinwill · #6 15-07-2009, 04:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfa

What we will need is one big story describing it all. Consider it a mega blog post. You can use your thread to extract all information to make it into one story with various chapters. Please do not feel rushed. It can wait until you feel better.

Red Rock is feeling much better now and will get started working on this sometime this week. He is very busy with Finals for classes this week and working on some final projects. Should I just post his story onto this thread once finished?

MissM87 · #7 10-07-2009, 06:22

Update: SWIM admitted to her boyfriend that she used today. He didn't get upset or anything, just wanted to know "why?". To which SWIM couldn't figure out an answer. She had him flush her stash and feels pretty damn good about it too!

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Ilsa, much appreciated. SWIM will get through this - it will be easier now, knowing that she doesn't have that stash to go to...!

**Alfa** · #8 10-07-2009, 19:31

I moved Ex-Junkies story to here: A decade of Turmoil: EJ's story
Then I added some structure to the OP and added EJ's story as the first one. Please keep em coming.

Please add chapters in long stories.

missparkles · #9 10-07-2009, 21:06

Swim went through detox and the two and a half years at the Cranstoun rehab projects, first and second stage. It was 15 years ago. Would this still be relevant?
Swim is sure they haven't changed their set up, it worked too well.
Swim also did 6 months at a "skills" based first stage rehab in Islington.
It wasn't till swim got there she realised she needed a therapeutic community, so got extra funding to move onto another first stage rehab.
Swims apologises for this rather rambling post, but evenings are not swims best times.
Thanks.

chillinwill · #10 10-07-2009, 21:32

Red Rock's story can be found at Relapse....Now What From Here

Sorry I can't be more helpful at this moment but Red Rock is going through some of his own personal issues right now

cyndi · #11 10-07-2009, 21:35

As far as a title, swim guesses it would be speed. She has shared her story in several threads so really little point in repeated it all. She tends to get some decent sobiery and then life happens and it is back on the rollercoaster. Oh swim didn't read the whole thread so had to edit till she could address it better. Swim is just feeling low lately. Really she doesn't know what more to add than that.

**Ilsa** · #12 11-07-2009, 10:25

RR, that's plenty for me to edit at the moment....more importantly though, i hope you're doin ok. love and hugs... you are in my thoughts-- as are you, cyndi, whatever swim's comment was.

whenever either RR or swiC feel like sharing, pls do. either of swiy's can pm me if venting is needed, of course, as both have been of immense support and help to the cat over the last year, as has all of DF.

off to bed with me and the damn cat, before drunken ramblings take hold

swi-sparkles, could your friend elaborate on the stage one and two processes? kitten is totally unfamiliar with treatment regimens in the UK. alll she knows is that they are more available, financially and temporally, in the UK than in the US.

**Alfa** · #13 15-07-2009, 04:03

It would be nice to see Daves story rewritten as one text, with several chapters, covering Daves entire addiction related history to date. Your journal thread and blog posts can be used to copy text from, and then fill in the blanks between them.

**Alfa** · #14 15-07-2009, 04:26

Please use a dedicated thread and post the link here.

missparkles · #15 15-07-2009, 08:45

Swi Ilsa, would this be the correct thread to expand swims experience in rehab? Swim is new to this site and is still a little unsure where anything goes.

Thanks.

cyndi · #16 15-07-2009, 21:09

Swiy's experiences with addiction and recovery would be appropriate here. That would include rehab experiences good or bad. In swim's opinion, it would help addicts with support. Swim also wrote several posts about her experiences and stuggles. She has had a lot of changes and probably should rewrite it.

missparkles · #17 15-07-2009, 21:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyndi

Swiy's experiences with addiction and recovery would be appropriate here. That would include rehab experiences good or bad. In swim's opinion, it would help addicts with support. Swim also wrote several posts about her experiences and stuggles. She has had a lot of changes and probably should rewrite it.

Thanks, swim isn't too sure where anything goes at the moment. So swim wants to check it out first. Thanks swi Cyndi.

**Alfa** · #18 15-07-2009, 21:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by missparkles

Swi Ilsa, would this be the correct thread to expand swims experience in rehab? Swim is new to this site and is still a little unsure where anything goes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfa

Please use a dedicated thread and post the link here.

In other words. Post a new thread. Then copy the link to the thread and paste that here.

**Alfa** · #19 15-07-2009, 21:29

Please take notice that I updated the opening post of this thread with more instructions and explanations.

**Ilsa** · #20 16-07-2009, 03:18

indeed and thanks, it clarifies a lot.

so stories regarding addiction to a specific substance should go under that subforum in R and A....for polydrug addiction stories, post in the most relevant forum and link to this thread, which is stickied for easier access.

thanks to RR, EJ and sparkles and everyone else for taking the time to re-read their stories. it's not easy, but i know that looking at it all form a new perspective lends new insight, and that's valuable. thank you all (or y'all

)

chillinwill · #21 16-07-2009, 04:00

Here is the link to Red Rock's story which he is continually updating and working on as he finds time. He can't finish it tonight but should be able to tomorrow but thought he would post the link here. It's called Oh the tales of what addiction can do to a young lad

**Ilsa** · #22 16-07-2009, 04:10

^^ lovely, thank you

cyndi · #23 16-07-2009, 06:30

Well swim must go to drug rehab. So she will tell all about it when it is over good or bad. Yeah she has a problem but not sure if she is ready for that. At the moment she is just angry about the forced deal. She has to take anger management classes too which is a crock.

missparkles · #24 16-07-2009, 16:50

Ok, swim started her topic and posted it. She couldn't save it so has only posted the first little bit. Recounting this stuff is painful, but extremely cleansing. Swim will add to it when she's ready.
It hasn't got to the recovery part yet but is important because it shows the issues swim had, and perhaps might help OPs understand how swim did her rehab, and what was there to help her.
Thanks.
Swim has posted a link to it below. She hopes she's got it right.

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=94874

Reputation Comments on this post:

thanks for sharing

ex-junkie · #25 17-07-2009, 19:12

there are some holes in swims story. not intentional, but a decade is such a long time to recap from a straight perspective, after youve spent so much time "sleeping" on life. the main bits are there nonetheless, however when swim read it back, some of it didnt add up.

swim mentioned 2 friends in her story, they are separate people, but the way it reads, it didnt come across this way. both of them are dead. one died from a heroin overdose (relapse hit), and the other was murdered.

oh well, time to hit the hay. goodnight lovely people.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

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