Feeling Destroyed by the Mental Health Industry

[Graduisic]

In November 2008, I saw my doctor regarding anxiety issues and depression. Got medications for both, and less than a month later, I started to exhibit issues with controlling my feelings. Anger, mania, deeper depression, and I had no way of controlling it. I was referred to a psychiatrist. At this point I felt absolutely fried. I openly talked about suicidal (and for some reason, homicidal?) thinking that NEVER crossed my mind until these prescriptions. I was put on a mood stabilizer and moved on. Things got worse and, in February 2009, I was in the hospital for severe depression. Inpatient psychiatrists completely changed things up and I went out of the hospital venturing out on new medications. New medications became the relative theme from then on. Nothing seemed to work, I started getting higher and higher doses of benzos and went on an insane roller coaster ride of med-hopping. From November 2008 up until June of 2009, I had been prescribed the following different medications:

1. Alprazolam .5MG 1x daily
2. Lexapro (escitalopram) 20MG
3. Depakote ER (Divalproex sodium) can't remember dosage 2x daily
4. Alprazolam XR .5MG 2x daily
5. Citalopram 40MG 1x daily
6. Lorazepam .5MG 2x daily
7. Lorazepam 1MG 3x daily
8. Citalopram 20MG 1x daily
9. Clonazepam .5MG 2x daily
10. Clonazepam 1MG 3x daily
11. Alprazolam XR .5MG 4x daily
12. Tegretol (can't remember dosage) 2x daily
13. Lamictal (25-50MG) 1x daily
14. Clonazepam .25MG 2x daily
15. Citalopram 10MG 1x daily

From number three on, these were all prescribed by my psychiatrist. Each medication brought on a wide range of side effects and made none of my problems go away. I had a window of clarity that all of these medications were not necessary. I went to the doctor in 2008 with situational depression and occasional panic attacks, and came out of it dosing heavily on benzos and anti-depressants, augmented with various mood stabilizers. This moment of clarity made me realize I needed to get off of all this crap. I slowly tapered down my anti-depressant, and my psych was going to help me slowly taper off the benzos. Unfortunately, once I got to May, I received news that my doctor's office would be closing down for good due to the economic crisis here in the US. Before that, my doctor was going to assist me in tapering off everything in a slow fashion to reduce my own personal suffering. Instead, I went from taking 3MG of clonazepam and 2MG of alprazolam every day to taking only .25MG of clonazepam (pretty sharp taper huh?).

It has now been a full month since I took any medications. After one week of being off the benzodiazepines, my psychiatrist said there was no need to see me anymore and there was no risk for seizures so she had me stop taking the anti-seizure/mood stabilizer drug Lamictal. I now feel in control of my own feelings, but physically things have never been more chaotic. Migraine headaches, insomnia, waves of panic attacks, night sweats, fear of leaving my home, social anxiety, muscle tension, jaw clenching/teeth grinding, little to no appetite, zero sex drive, gastrointestinal problems (diarrhea and frequent vomiting), feeling shaky/trembling (right now if I hold my hand out I cannot keep it steady), unexplainable total body pain, feeling weak and feeble, and some days I feel as though everything were a dream. I feel in control of my emotions but my body is out of control. I do not trust the psychiatric world at all anymore and I am seeing my normal doctor regarding these symptoms. I think that if my psychiatrist would have followed-through with gently tapering off all of my medications instead of plummeting doses down to nothing over a week's worth of time that these symptoms would not be as long-lasting, and probably not as intense so that I am missing work and missing out on life. I have never felt this awful in the short 21 years of my life. I go to talk therapy, I have ceased all illegal drug use, and I have absolutely no idea what to expect when I see the doctor.

I'm writing this in part to organize my thoughts because I don't even know what to say to my doctor about all this, and I was hoping anyone kind enough to read this may have some insight from their own experiences. Thanks. I will update tomorrow after I see my doctor regarding the outcome of this venture.

Reputation Comments on this post:

An excellent post highlighting the vicious cycle of uncontrolled med prescription.