Day 5

[drinkswithevil]

Swim is current withdrawing Cold turkey swim moved to maui to get away from all his dealers and such. Still feel really restless and craving pills all the time, i dont know what to do with myself. Swims Physical Withdraws are pretty much over! which is good. But my mental withdraws seem for from over im afraid to go back. They said if i went to the ER they wouuld give swim a script of some anti anxiety and some other stuff. Think they would flag swims record though?

[MissM87]

Congratulations on being clean! Moving away from temptations really is a good idea, SWIM has found. SWIM is on day 25 herself and still has the cravings and restless feelings, a LOT. She's found that doing something physical, like brisk walks, is the trick to getting her mind and body to stop craving. That and baths with loud music!

It's not worth it to get hooked on the anti-anxiety pills if SWIY can help it. That's just one more thing that SWIY has to get off of later down the road..! Just sayin.. SWIM doesn't know if they'd flag your file or not. Does SWIY feel like he HAS to have something? Is it worth the risk?

[ex-junkie]

benzos are a terrible idea for anybody whos just exiting an addiction. most people that swim knew ended up picking up another addiction quite easily. it really doesnt matter what the sort of drug it is, legal/illegal- it could even be meth, xtc or cocaine after all, but the abuse potential is huge. you really need to weigh up what benefits youll be getting out of anti anxiety medication before you rush to get any.

swiy doesnt want to end up swapping the witch for the bitch. if its mental/emotional distress swiy is in, then opt for a weak anti depressant, and make sure swiy asks the doctors which types are the easiest to come off of. swim only ever recommends anti Ds for 3-6 months, as when coming out of an addiction, they can be of extreme help just to continue on with life. once that initial 3-6 months is up, youre generally well equipped to come off of them and continue on with life as somewhat of a "normal" person.

[Chica35]

Congratz!!! Wish swim could come to Maui en be there for ya LOL
Swim is off Burprenorphine now for 1,5 and the side effects are going away slowly....RLS was the worst...but now swim is always hungry like a horse and does not understand why....but DONT start with Benz....that stuff will make it worse!!

[drinkswithevil]

swims dont know what to do i want to use so bad, but luckily i have no money over here and no hookups (yet) =p. If this is how its going to be forever i rather just stay on opiates, then have to feel so hopeless and lost. SWIM dreams of pills everynight. EVERYNIGHT all night. its day 6 now , seems like its been a month. FML. lol

[Nova8]

You have to learn how to deal with reality sober. This takes months/years. If SWIM is not ready, motivated, and excited to change and be free, and also willing to do the 'hard time', relapse is pretty much inevitable. So what do you really want?

[zulu1690]

congrats on getting clean for a start at least swiy is getting to sleep of a night it seems.when swim was once clean swim still wasn't sleeping after 3 months.swim feels like swiy needs something to occupy time,maybe something swiy used to do in the past,a hobby or similar.again well done on getting clean hope swiy keeps it that way,good luck.

[sleepwalker]

Keep holding on your getting there!
and yes you need the have something to do.
Get a hobby, get more hobbies,you got time to kill!!!
In this weird drugworld swim had the strangest expierience, was addicted to heroin for 16 years including IV,cost swim his study, job, wife, dignity and self esteem.
When he wanted his life to end ,there were 2 Christians who put their hands on him and prayed to Jesus .When the prayer was over it was COMPLETELY QUIET in swims heart and in swims head.This was supernatural cuz he's been to many clinics, foreighn countrys and could never find that peace and kept starting doing heroin over and over again.
When swim was using heroin he dreamt nightmares all night, every night!
Woke up more tired then when he went to bed...
After they prayed for him he went to bed and dreamt NOTHING!
Psysical detox was still hell, but because swims spirit was quiet, he managed.
Their God became swims God,and Jesus still is.
Maybe this is the most stupid thing you ever heard but the craving for heroin never came back,swim only remembers what it took from him.
Btw swims over 4 years clean, allmost 4 years married,and got two lil kids and never touched any horse anymore.
Could you get somebody from an "evangelical Halleluja-church" to pray for you?
It worked from swim, why not for you?

[drinkswithevil]

well its day 10. still getting alright sleep. passed out at 8 and woke up at 1. But did not get back to sleep. Physical symptoms seem to be over, except some stomach problems. SWIMS mind seems to be getting better everyday. SWIM does feel depressed and scared sometimes about swims future. SWIM is grateful he is in maui because everday i usually ride my bike to kaanapli (resort town)(2 miles away) and go snorkling with giant sea turtles and dive off cliffs , and lay on the beach and tan and read, and listen to music, plus there is lots of beautiful girls to take my mind off the evil shit that hides inside my mind. Also SWIM is BROKE but im thinking that is a good thing right now. Because SWIM might go out and buy something bad. SWIm is going to wait one more week then try and find a job, and start getting some cash flow. SWIM has been drinking alot lately. like 10 beers a day. Helps me sleep. But i think it makes SWIM wake up at night then not get back to sleep. Advil does seem to help sometimes fall back to asleep. Also SWIM dreams about drugs constantly. Its funny.

SWIM is starting to feel some euphoria without any drugs. Which is really good. SWIM think he doesnt need Anti Depressants anymore, heard to many bad things about them.

[Spucky]

Try to use this Euphoria now for something new, because this Feeling now will stay only a few Day`s, so build a Insurance for swinyself.
Maybe go for a Hike to the Mountains and reflect the past?

And yeah, Diving is so much better than Opioids!

[zulu1690]

swim hopes this is day 11 for swiy,if so swiy has swims utmost respect and swiy is deffo doing the right thing by staying away from anti depressents.swim thinks where swiy are sounds like a good place to be aswell.swim just wanted to say well done and keep it up.

[drinkswithevil]

got like 11 hours of sleep last night, which is to much lol. today swim feels better physically but still feels poor mentally ie lack of motivation, depressed, and scared, with some anxiety thrown in the mix. But SWiM hopes that will go away soon

[G_nome]

Yeah, swiyour emotions will be all over the place just now.
My monkey remembers feeling absolutely fantastic for a short while after he'd kicked smack cold turkey, after all of the shitty withdrawals were over. This obviously didn't last, so make the most of it on days when swiy feels good!

Also, well done!

I'm really pleased for swiy. And i'd love to be where swiy is right now, over in Maui, must be lovely.

Oh, and be careful not to slip into drinking heavily now. My monkey started drinking a hell of a lot of alcohol after he kicked smack. So just be careful swiy doesn't trade one use of a substance for another.
It can help at times, but swiy doesn't want to be drinking that shit every day.

Anyway, congrats!

G_nome added 5 Minutes and 50 Seconds later...

Also, if swiy is currently taking anti-depressants then my monkey would suggest that it's probably best for now to just continue taking them, just for another month or so until swiy gets over this.
Though, my monkey is no doctor. But he thinks it'd probably be for the best.

[zulu1690]

swim just noticed swiy is still very young.swim thinks that is to swiy advantage,swiy has a full life ahead.swim understands that when clean life is so very different,that will become easier over time swim believes.as swim has said before any swimmer that can kick any opiate addictiction has my utmost respect and admiration.swim cannot do it and swiy should be proud of what swiy has done so far.take care and good luck.

[drinkswithevil]

Day 12

last night was hard, went to a bar, and these guys were talking about oxy. SWIM wanted to ask them for some , but resisted mainly due to the fact of no money. After swim smoked some weed, which was amazing. SWIM hasnt smoked in acouple months, had a blast. Today i feel pretty good. Going to avoid the place where i know those guys will be, and do some snorkling.

[drinkswithevil]

this is day 12 i believe , anyways, somedays swim will wake up semi happy, but there is not motivation at all, other days i will wake up dreading the day, because all swim did was dream of drugs all night, and then i just stay inside all day long, and do jack shit, and scower the floor for change so i can get a tall boy. SWIm is thinking about pawning off his camera to have some money, but another part of SWIM is telling him not to because its a nice camer (cannon rebel xti) 800 bucks when i bought it, two i know i would be pissed in a month or two that i sold it.yeah i feel like rambling, it feels good to ramble.
because im not thinking about anything else. SWIM keeps thinking SWIM should join the methadone clinic just so i can be high. i really hope its not like this all the time after the discontinuation of opiate use. FML. i wonder if i will ever feel normal again. and if swim will ever stop thinking about opiates. Or if SWIM should just moved to the UK and get OTC codiene. Or move to iraq and smoke opium all day. Please take this burden away from me, give me back my innocence!!!!!!!!!!

sorry for rambling.

[MissM87]

Maybe SWIY should think about the bad things that happen when living as an opiate addict. Is it worth getting high to have that lifestyle? Is SWIY really that much happier while on opiates? Or is it just a physical/mental need and desire? How was SWIY's life while high? Happier?

12 days is doing really good - SWIY is over the hump, physically. I hope that SWIY will hold out...

[drinkswithevil]

no i HATED being on pills and horse all the time, when SWIM was on them he wished he was off them, but when swim is now off them he wants to be on them!! makes no sense, but swim knows its just the WDs. Acouple weeks down the road i hope this will stop. time is on my side.

drinkswithevil added 7 Minutes and 57 Seconds later...

but i am now getting a really bad sore throat. Hopefully it subsides and doesnt get worse. When swim gets sick he wants to use really bad.

[cyndi]

Time does make the cravings go away. Swiy is still always at risk so use what swiy does to stay clean. 12 days is fairly new so there will be more challenges, but swiy can do it. Swim absolutely hates meth and it is insane to even mess with it. It is a weird deal for sure.

[MissM87]

Eesh - it doesn't make sense, does it? Sorry SWIY is going through all this bs. SWIM is 30 some days clean, minus a minor slip up on day 29. She had her boyfriend flush her stash and now she hasn't been having the cravings nearly as bad! SWIM knows what it's like to get sick and want to use, though - she's literally coming down with a sore throat and cold right now (she thinks). It makes it easier to just numb out the discomfort. BUT, SWIY knows that being on the opiates doesn't make life easier in the long run, just in the present moment. So maybe SWIY should start planning out his future - so that he has goals to live up to. SWIM did something really interesting and helpful. She asked herself a bunch of questions and answered them as honestly as possible.
What behavior has my addiction generated?
How has my addiction hindered me from getting what I want or kept me from accomplishing my goals?
How will changing my addiction problem improve my life?
What new (healthy) habits can better serve me?
What actions are suggested by my addiction?
How do I feel when I'm high?
How do I feel when I'm not high?
These were actually questions that SWIM stole from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy page and the questions were actually about negative self-talk - not addiction/drug use. However SWIM just switched them up to better suit her. It seems to work/help.
Hopefully this helps. Keep on keeping on!

[drinkswithevil]

welp SWIM relapsed bought an 80mg OC. Was walking around town drunk and saw someone who would look like he would have some, and he did!1. felt good for a couple hours , now swim is out money and feels pathetic..

[cra$h]

wait, oxy every 2 weeks, or methadone? If it's the oxy that yea, there's no problem with wd there at all. And the only non-generic advice I could give is choose you're own recovery method. As for swim he's decided he's taking a nice big break to return back to normal and gain some color back in his personality. When he's comfortable with where he's at in life and has some extra cash, he might stop by for a weekend visit. But the fun and games are over, time to say it was fun while it lasted, time to move on. Addiction is no way to live, if you consider that living.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great advice brother

[drinkswithevil]

FML still been buying opiates. Everyone still thinks swim is clean, feels so bad. used about 110mg of OC and 40mg of methadone is the past 5 days. Took my last methadone tab, swim is over this , its not getting him anywhere fast.

[cra$h]

Ah, swim's doing the same thing. For the first 3 days he was all for sobriety, then that fucking bioclock started screamin YOUR OUT OF OXY! YOUR OUT OF OXY! and then he's poppin vicodine (all swim could get) and still tellin friends he's cleaning up. As long as swim mentally changes from the typical junkie mentality, he'll be alright and just accept that drugs will always be a part of his life

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by cra$h

Ah, swim's doing the same thing. For the first 3 days he was all for sobriety, then that fucking bioclock started screamin YOUR OUT OF OXY! YOUR OUT OF OXY! and then he's poppin vicodine (all swim could get) and still tellin friends he's cleaning up. As long as swim mentally changes from the typical junkie mentality, he'll be alright and just accept that drugs will always be a part of his life

That last statement is mutually exclusive.
Swiy can't get rid of the "junkie" mentality without first getting rid of the junk, so to speak. Advising another addict that this is ok (if I got swiy right) is not good advice.
Honesty is the first step on any road to recovery in swim opinion.