a girl swim has been friends with for a few months now, who he is romantically interested in, and has been lying to about his alone time occupations will be the end of opium for swim. swim has always been timid and cautious in regards to making moves on members of the opposite sex. swim has known her for 5 months, and 48 days ago swim began to use opium again. it was a once a week thing but in turned into twice a week, then thrice.
2 days ago she questioned swim's sexuality (swim thinks she was self conscious because swim hadn't made any move) and someone who isn't me broke and told her about his constant hangover and total loss of libido... they talked about it for a while and swim told her it had nothing to do with being unhappy, and that when they hang out he has more fun then when he's on O, which is often true.
anyway swim has again decided to quit downers (alcohol was swim's vice a few months ago- getting wasted before school just to function) so he threw out all his opium and valium and got to sit on a pink cloud for a few hours, apologizing over text messages and telling her how much he wanted to see her again.
swim is afraid... swim felt better physically than he has ever felt about two weeks ago (he didn't use more, but his tolerance was almost non existent) and what he felt was sadly better than an orgasm, and lasted around 3 hours. swim is just afraid he won't be able to feel that good with a woman after his opioids become born again Christians and the morphine is out of his system. the period on that euphoria was intense vomiting, swim is afraid of what he threw up