Mental addiction to drugs.

[chilipeppers6]

Swim has only been doing drugs for about 2 years now and has never become a junkie or an addict persay but yet constantly finds himself craving and seeking drugs. Swim believes this mental addiction to drugs began about a little more than a year ago when swim used to recieve adderall at school for free or very cheep on an almost daily basis. When the days came when swim wanted some but couldnt get any he would get pissed off. Swim eventualy graduated to using alcohol off and on some times going drinking every day for a week and sometimes not drinking for a few weeks eventualy swim had a contact for heroin. Swim started doing this and it is by far the best drug swim has ever done. Swim never became a junkie but to this day the feeling of the heroin high is embeded in swims brain. Swim finds himself telling his friends often that hes gonna get his shit together and stop spending his money on drugs and sometimes it last for a little while sometimes not so much. Theres one side of swims brain that believe that a completly pure natural life with only substances like shrooms and such is the most beutifull fullfilling life you can live wich is true. Yet the other side of Swims brain constently breaks down that part and replaces it with craving or seeking drugs. Swim dosnt stick to any one drug he just does whatever comes up wich is usualy just pills or alcohol. Every week swim brainstorms in his head what he plans to do with the money he gets at the end of the week and usualy plans some scheme to get some type of drug and that thought is what he looks forward to throughout the whole week. swim dosnt do drugs everyday in fact every once in a blue moon he can go a whole week without them but as soon as theres a chance to get anything even if he was planing on getting something else swim will take what comes up first. Such as if swim was planing on saving for some Oxys or x but then someone calls with some focalin wich is a snortable adhd med (dexmethylphenidate) swim will completely drop his original scheme and get the focalin. Many nights swim gets the thoughts of getting certain drugs in his head when hes trying to go to sleep and can stay up for hours just thinking about the posiblitys of what he could get or do, anywho i was just wondering if anyone else is only mentaly addicted to drugs not quite a junkie but at this level of craving that swim is at and if so what are youre stories.

[Dickon]

Sounds very much like my cat when he was younger. He just wanted to be high on anything, but it didn't take long before opiates became the main focus. The trouble is, if you don't take the reins now, you will end up with a nasty addiction at some point down the road. And let me say coming off opiates is not fun. I don't know if you feel able to cut back in any way, because if you don't I foresee some nasty problems down the line. The trouble is, it looks to me as if you have an addictive personality and you are strongly drawn to drug use in some shape or form.

It might be worth taking a look at what it is that attracts you to taking drugs. Especially it might be worth looking at why you can't stay off them for any length of time. What feelings are involved? What is "wrong" with a normal state of being?

It is good you are asking questions. You're certainly not alone in your experience and feelings. Remember though people weren't born junkies, they trod a path that led them to that point. An addictive personality might be innate, but you still have a choice as to what to do with it. I'd suggest you don't end up like my cat who quit opiates at age 38, and we can only hope this is for good.

Try and avoid the opiates for one thing. Heroin and oxycodone are not sensible playthings. Really. They are not.

All the best

Dickon