"After the sickness, the real battle begins"

[soft.assasin]

SWIM is currently in PAWS stage of opiate withdrawal. The physical stage wasn’t as bad as it could have been and she’s thankful that it’s passed, but now the second wave is crushing her. After successfully hiding a two year habit of Oxy/Dilauded/Hydro abuse, she decided it would be best to try to and quit cold turkey while spending the summer in Germany. Originally it seemed like the best possible plan – to be far away from easy drug access and in a fresh environment - but now feels like the distance from “home” is really taking its toll. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, and incredible restlessness, boredom, and numbness are setting in heavily and SWIM really has nowhere to turn. Tried to open up to a few friends back home about it but it really didn’t get anywhere, as most of them have no personal experience with anything like this.
SWIM has been spending her days browsing the forum for advice and just to distract herself, reading a lot, watching movies, smoking too much, writing, and trying to spend some time outdoors, but nothing has really made a difference.
She has been browsing profiles and posts and knows there are a lot of people out there who have a lot more experience with this and was just hoping for advice or encouragement. She felt at first that effusively reaching out to strangers would be corny – but that’s a large part of what the forum is for, right?
Any help would be greatly appreciated by SWIM…

Reputation Comments on this post:

An honest post and well written. Thanks for sharing with us.

[electrolingus]

How long has it been since your friends last opioid use? The daily amount used and the time span of that daily use will have an effect on PAWS. Here are two good links to using nutrition to aid in any opioid (spec. methadone) withdrawal or post withdrawal and coping with sleeplessness.

Proper nutrition is a must for aiding the brain and body to recover from any long term drug dependence.
How to apply nutritional therapy to ease methadone withdrawal.
http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=90489

The Sleep Guide - A practical Guide on How to Cope with Sleep in an Opiate Detox.
http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=92537

Also, sometimes extended periods of opioid addiction will mask the symptoms of clinical depression. These symptoms can manifest themselves with a vengeance once the body has physically rid itself of the opioid dependence. It may be of some benefit to see a psychiatrist as well as a therapist (preferably ones who are well versed in addictions). Just make sure that your friend informs them of the true nature of the problem.

Best of luck.

[Spucky]

Move your Ass out of the House!
(Sounds maybe bad, but my Cat do not mean it)
Every Hour swiny spend alone in Melancholy and Saudade is bad.
Do something that is not related to Drugs, maybe a Sportsclub is nice.
Have a look to the "Volkshochschule" that is nearly for free
and you can learn something you may need soon!
Maybe learn Acting, it must be not "Psychodrama"

But it`s nice to change the Personality you a Time!

[Dickon]

soft.assassin,

This could be a bit of a tricky time, but it could also be a time of great growth and development. I've been writing a thread with a somewhat similar theme to yours: Dreaming in the night air: the sequel. Withdrawal over, what now? This is a sequel to my other personal thread Screaming in the night air, which chronicles the first 2 or so months of my cat's withdrawal from methadone. The Dreaming one is a lot easier to read than the screaming one, but between them they document a little over 8 months of cat's being clean.

I've found this site a really good place to talk about what's going on, and realise I'm not alone. There is a sticky thread on PAWS here: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73599 that's certainly worth a look.

My current personal favourite tools are meditation (I do Zen meditation daily) and Yoga. These seem to help me cope with stress and feeling bad so that such low periods as I have tend to be short lived. Exercise and interaction with people are important in some shape or form.

The links electrolingus have provided are useful. Some of the information in the sleep guide may seem obvious but could help. Not sleeping is one of the worst, if not the worst part of withdrawal, in cat's opinion.

What Spucky says is equally good. Don't sit at home and feel alone and blue if at all possible. If you have to, as I did when I simply didn't have the energy for other activities, use DF to talk about whatever you feel you need to, however off-beam it may seem, and ask for some help. People here are nice. If they're not they feel my wrath!! lol.

Maybe we all make suggestions based on what works best for us, but anything that gives you a bit of self-esteem and leads you out of your own head, which can be a dangerous place to be in early recover, could be a life-saver.

As electrolingus asks, how long you've been off the opiates? Also, are you drinking or using anything else to compensate? Substituting another drug or alcohol for opiates can lead to serious problems and make recovering difficult.

I'd say the number one thing is to have some patience. This is a long slow healing process and taking the drugs away may uncover some deeper issues below the surface, including the reasons you might have developed an addiction in the first place. For me, I am just starting to get a gentle nudge that I need to address some relationship problems.

The panic is over now but it is perhaps time for some serious work to begin. What is this thing called life? How do you live it drug free? Who are you? What are your values? Once the drugs are gone there are a whole heap of questions you can have fun wrestling with! Let me know if you find any answers. I can't say I have, but I've found some fun paths I fully intend to follow. Like I said, Zen and Yoga work well for me. But I'm a Dickon and you're a soft.assassin!

Congratulations getting through the withdrawal. More power to you. Oh, and I should of course mention that there are NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings in Germany: I think in Berlin there are even English-speaking ones. Some people hate 12-step groups, and others swear by them, but it would be better to go to a meeting than to go and score some heroin.

I don't know how good your German is, but I never picked it up that well when I lived in Berlin. It's a good job a lot of people there speak very good English, so you shouldn't be too isolated even if your speak nur ein bischien Deutch (just a little German - probably spelt wrongly too!)

Stay strong, and keep moving forwards

Dickon

[theswimmer]

SWIM passed on this note:

It was the same for me, the sickness was easy. It was basically over but I just felt so empty without it. I went back ( I hope you are stronger than me.

I don't think I'm quite physically addicted again yet because I can not have it in the morning and feel just fine. Oh well, here we go again. Close to home free yet so far...

[soft.assasin]

Thank you so much for your informative responses, it really helps to have support from people who understand the situation.

Dickon - SWIM has actually been trying to get into Zen meditation and practice it dilligently but it is hard to find the patience. It is a lot easier (of course) to be lazy and wallow in self-pity.

As far as how long SWIM has been off opiates....she is having a hard time calculating just because the boredom and exhaustion have muddled everything - if SWIM had to estimate, 2 weeks since she had anything at all I believe. SWIM has been substituting with alcohol and weed - and she knows it's not the smartest move but...desperate times? I will advise her to not do this... And as for NA, it might be a good idea, SWIM hadn't considered attending in Germany. Thanks so much!

Electrolingus - Thanks for the links, they're really helpful and informative!

Spucky - SWIM appreciates the advice from the German perspective

theswimmer - Trust me, SWIM says she is tempted to go hunting, but wants to have will power and just get past the low point and see what happens from there. She wishes you luck.

[chillinwill]

Red Rock went through a period of time that SWIY just described. He had been clean off of heroin for a couple of months and he was living at his parents house (at age 22) and his parents would not let him hang out with friends and he was going bored out of his fucking mind. He passed the time by posting like a mad man here on DF, posting news articles, and trying to help others out here on DF. All of these habits stuck for Red Rock and he is still doing these for the most part today, although his parents have let up big time on their restrictions.

Another thing that SWIY can try to do is find some good books, create some music (if SWIY plays a music instrument or through creating beats and whatnot off computer programs), EXERCISE! Exercise was another key thing for Red Rock as he could go work out and clear his head or take out his personal frustrations while running or lifting weights. Hell, Red Rock even went to an occasional NA meeting here and there just to pass the time and be social even though he disagreed with almost every one of their principles.

The biggest thing SWIY can do is find what works for them. Try new things, do things you have always wanted to do but never gotten the chance, make new friends, etc. Do something that you enjoy that will occupy your time.

Red Rock also forgot to mention that he smoked cigarettes like a storm during this time period and is now just quitting (more than 3 weeks off cigarettes!). He looked forward to each cigarette he smoked as he pretended this was his little treat each time instead of going and getting that heroin

[soft.assasin]

Originally Posted by chillinwill

Another thing that SWIY can try to do is find some good books, create some music (if SWIY plays a music instrument or through creating beats and whatnot off computer programs), EXERCISE! Exercise was another key thing for Red Rock as he could go work out and clear his head or take out his personal frustrations while running or lifting weights. Hell, Red Rock even went to an occasional NA meeting here and there just to pass the time and be social even though he disagreed with almost every one of their principles.

The biggest thing SWIY can do is find what works for them. Try new things, do things you have always wanted to do but never gotten the chance, make new friends, etc. Do something that you enjoy that will occupy your time.

Red Rock also forgot to mention that he smoked cigarettes like a storm during this time period and is now just quitting (more than 3 weeks off cigarettes!). He looked forward to each cigarette he smoked as he pretended this was his little treat each time instead of going and getting that heroin

SWIM has definitely been reading like a fiend - has gone through like 4 books in the past week and a half. Posting on here definitely helps too, but unfortunately SWIM is new to forum-ing and feels a little out of her element at times. She does play a musical instrument - harp - and has been trying to focus on that too, to be productive, it's just so hard for her to find the energy. Exercise is definitely an effort, but SWIM tries to go for a stroll in the German countryside daily just to get moving (a least a little). Like you said, SWIM has to find something that works for her, and that's the process that has been a pain in the ass. Gambling with all her regular hobbies to see if something actually kills the boredom...

Cheers to SWIY for weaning off the cigarettes! Keep it up, good luck

[rokman nash]

Some things that have helped my friend Dave include, reading, as Swim has mentioned. Maybe try some stuff that Swim normally wouldn't consider, remember every minute that passes takes you farther from the beginning. Exercise, try something other than walking, and force yourself to get started, and no matter what stay at it. Its so easy to say maybe later/maybe tomorrow. If Swim will make a concerted effort, it will become easier every day.

Sex, If this is a feasible possibility, take advantage of Swims sex drive reemerging from a long winter of opiate abuse. If this is not possible, take matters into Swims own hands (literally), and release those pent up endorphins.

Anything that will pass the time in a positive manner is a good thing. Anything that's new for swim, from going to a museum, to seeing a new movie, it will all make the time pass.At this point that is the main goal, because the more time put between Swim and opiates means the easier things will get for Swim.

As has been mentioned depression is a hard thing to overcome. Dave suffers from severe depression daily, but at this point in time Swim might be better off not try to medicate this, if it is a problem for Swim.Try to deal with this as long as possible without doc prescribed meds, cause (in Daves case) the doc said they could do as much harm as good until Swims body adjusts to being totally opiate free.What Dave tries to do is get as much done as possible while hes in his manic phase, and to get up and moving when hes not.

Dave can only hope this helps a little, and if there is anything he can do to help, feel free to PM.

Good Thoughts

[ex-junkie]

after swims final detox, she didnt have PAWS, though this probably due to the fact she started abusing ecstasy pretty soon after.

:/

she realizes the body is still screaming for "something", otherwise she wouldnt have been abusing other drugs.

[Master_Khan]

In swims experience people who have a job generally don't have to worry about restlessness, anxiety, depression, and boredom; they are too busy to concern themselves with such things. Work is the tonic swiy is searching for.

[ex-junkie]

download the reason 4 demo, and have a play at making electronic music.

http://www.propellerheads.se/download/

go past youtube, and search "reason 4 tutorials", and voila... vid after vid of step by step instructions on how to make all sorts of shit.

[soft.assasin]

ex-junkie: SWIM actually has Reason, she just isn't incredibly great at using it yet :P

rokman nash: SWIM says sex is a welcome option , she's working on it. And thanks Dave for all the advice. Helpful and encouraging. Much appreciated..

[ex-junkie]

ahh get stuck into it then. :P

feel free to ask any questions, as swim is well skilled with reason.

[missparkles]

Swim thought W/D was difficult. Jesus that was just the beginning of the white knuckle ride that is recovery.
Swim has relapsed a couple of times, but swims doctor is pretty cool about this stuff. He says swim didn't learn addictive behaviour in a day so it takes time to unlearn it.
Over the past few years swim has had good and bad times but each bad time has, in retrospect, been an emotional growth spurt. And swim felt the bliss afterwards.
But each time swim had even a tiny success it helped swim get stronger. Bad experiences showed swim what not to do. So it balances itself out.
Swim also found trying new things she had never done before helped enormously. Swim realised she wasn't stupid and had a few dormant talents.
The hard part for swim was accepting that she couldn't hang out with old friends and had to change every aspect of her life before she could continue her fantastic voyage of self discovery.
Is it worth it? Swim is still travelling that road so swim can't say. But swim feels loads better.
Best advice swim can give? Keep on keeping on, it does improve.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Great advice

[ex-junkie]

aye. seen.

cant be beating ones self up over relapses. they are the most important lessons youll learn as youre coming out of an addiction. without them, we would learn nothing. all you can do is cut your losses, then pick yourself back up again.

[missparkles]

Swim totally agrees with ex-junkie.
Swim doesn't view addiction in a negative light. Substances enabled swim to get to a stage in her life where she could deal with "issues."
Relapse is just another part of recovery.
It's OK to look at the past, just don't stare. And swim needed to see where she'd come from to recognise how much she had actually acheived.
Swim didn't learn to tie her shoelaces the first time either, she got better at it each time she tried.
Swim thinks acceptance of oneself is the key to staying healthy, physically and emotionally.

[soft.assasin]

Thanks to both of SWIY's! Positive advice, much appreciated.
SWIM has been keeping busy, trying new things, staying positive, etc, etc - and her condition has definitely improved. Lingering most steadfastly are boredom and insomnia. Insomnia is slowly getting under control - SWIM has been dilligently reading up on the forum for threads regarding the sleep issue - but boredom seems to be relentless. She's having a hard time connecting with new people. Whenever she was high she approached interaction with a relaxed detatchment that sobriety scares away. But right now the only real option is stay straight...so SWIM is now wondering, when does life get interesting again? What's that time period?

[missparkles]

Swim noticed it came in waves.
Swim would suddenly realise she felt good after the feeling had departed. Swim only noticed when she lost it, so to speak. But each day swim got more bright moments and less dark ones. And this has just continued.
Swim still has down days. If swim asks for a donut you know swim is having a bad day.
Just go with it, swiy will gradually notice good positive feelings.
Interaction straight?
Swim struggles with this still sometimes, but so do "straights." So swim "just does it." Don't think about it too much "just do it" is swims motto.
Sometimes swim can analyse things too much.
Glad things are levelling out a little for swiy.
Lots of hugs.

[ex-junkie]

Originally Posted by soft.assasin

Thanks to both of SWIY's! Positive advice, much appreciated.
SWIM has been keeping busy, trying new things, staying positive, etc, etc - and her condition has definitely improved. Lingering most steadfastly are boredom and insomnia. Insomnia is slowly getting under control - SWIM has been dilligently reading up on the forum for threads regarding the sleep issue - but boredom seems to be relentless. She's having a hard time connecting with new people. Whenever she was high she approached interaction with a relaxed detatchment that sobriety scares away. But right now the only real option is stay straight...so SWIM is now wondering, when does life get interesting again? What's that time period?

oh noes. thats the thing sweetheart. life isnt very interesting in the first place. in fact its quite boring unless you indulge in hobbies and keep yourself busy.

swim doesnt connect with new people very much, she spends most time alone with her son (this will soon change though). this is why she spends so much time here she supposes. shes being social the best way she knows how.

[rokman nash]

As EJ said life is boring for the most part(Dave agrees). The best one can hope for is to try to do the opposite of what Swim feels, and get out and make something happen(something good).

The sleep issue is another matter, after a few weeks Swim should start to find some relief.My friends doc gave him Tradozone, which seems to work for him. Some OTC meds that help are Benedryl, and other hayfever meds.


Good Luck Good Thoughts

[soft.assasin]

Can't thank you enough for the support, really.

[rokman nash]

You will get there sweets. ROC