Giving up speed for downers

[100mg Methylphenidate]

It's such a strange thought to swim. It's not a safer road or a better one. It's just...different...

Swim has been abusing prescription stimulants and the occasional cocaine for the last three years. He has had a few on/off connections for adderall and methylphenidate(which he hates now anyway) and currently has a very stable adderall connect.

He misses the days he's had on uppers. The sense of confidence. The sexual obsession. And most of all, the feelings of sharpness and invincibility. But it sucks because swim has a lot of natural anxiety. And every time he does speed, it's always 24 hours of pure euphoria, followed by long term anxiety.

Even if he stays amped, he finds himself going antisocial after his first night of binging. It's too hard to deal with people, at least unless his buddies alprazolam and hydrocodone get involved.

Swim's also dealing with some depressing shit right now, and is trying to be a productive member of society and get a second job, move out, etc.

He can't do that when he's blowing all of his money on speed and having nervous breakdowns half of the week. He is absolutely terrified of people when he's coming down. He won't even go downstairs to get food because he doesn't want to interact with his parents in that state of mind.

Maybe swim is just going to start planning his crashes better and make absolute SURE he has plenty of downers for afterwards. It's just that normally doesn't happen and he's tempted to use the downers during his high for extra invincibility and euphoria.

But swim is a super sexual person and can't live without being able to go on a 24 hour masturbation spree once a week.

But no matter what swim ends up doing(probably getting more speed monday when he gets paid), he's going to be forced to do it less and prepare more for going into work and dealing with people in general.

Swim acts somewhat 'cracked out' after the binge. But during the best parts of it, he's very calm and powerful, talkative and clear headed. It's not something he feels he can give up.

But it's strange, because he used to not like downers. He didn't find opiates that enjoyable. He wouldn't turn them down, but he never craved them. But the more he does speed, and the more he goes without it, the more he wants them. It's a lose-lose situation.

Funny thing is, swim just declared to all of his friends that he was going to quit a few days ago. And now he is already caving in. I don't really think anybody's going to change his mind but him.

I mean...swim can't live without stimulants. In a literal sense he could, but that just isn't living. He's been addicted to caffeine since he was 4, and now he smokes a pack a day. Even though he doesn't feel anything from a cigarette or a cup of coffee, the fact he's doing it satisfies him. Same with amphetamines. Even if he doesn't feel them, it's still joyous to take them every day.

Sorry. Swim made me rant. I guess he just wanted me to post this to get feedback on how other swimmers traded off from uppers to downers, how satisfied they were with the trade, if they still did uppers on ocassion, etc.
Did there ever really come a time when the euphoria from opiates/benzodiazepines/barbiturates could even match the peak euphoria from taking amphetamines on a low tolerance? Did they have the adoration and love for stimulants swim does? Etc.?

[riaahacker]

swim can definitely relate, back in hs he used to be a big fan of uppers, caffeine, methylphenidate, and amphetamine all just stimulating goodness, he used to take methylphenidate in the morning before school to make the mornings more tolerable and later some caffeine to reduce the feelings of the crash in the afternoon. Amphetamine was his social stimulant, made him more outgoing more daring, great for parties and for hanging with friends. Swim was then hit with an anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety with panic attacks and suddenly stimulants became unbearable, a nice buzz followed by hours of shaking and anxiety. Swim got alprazolam for his anxiety disorder and it wasn't euphoric just reliving, its relaxation with little if any euphoria for swim in his experiences. He tried opiates and loved the buzz it was quite euphoric very clean feeling but the nausea was a bit much and he was too afraid to get a tolerance in fear of addiction. Swim now uses mj (after he got past the heart beating issues, the fear of a rapid heart beat came from my panic attacks), a good sativa strain can be quite stimulating but nowhere as clear as a good dopaminergic stimulant. He plans to use psychedelics in the future as mj got him really interested in drugs that let him think outside of the box. If swiy is looking for a nice downer to get a buzz on, opiate would be your best bet, but careful from many people I heard they quickly become your best friends.

[ex-junkie]

swim traded her 2 year amphetamine addiction for a 7 year opiate addiction. worst decision of her life tbh. if you think you know or understand addiction whilst youre on amphetamines, then youre in a for a nasty lesson in physical addiction with opiates.

furthermore, alot of people swap the witch for the bitch. 9 times out of 10, "if" these people are lucky enough to break free from opiates, they then return to stimulant abuse after opiate addiction.

swim abused methamphetamines for 18 months post opiate addiction.

the way she sees it, youre just postponing things. swimmers follow the same path out that they followed in. the desire to use amphetamines returns with a vengeance once you quit opiates, so why prolong the inevitable?

if it starts with amphetamines, it will end with amphetamines, and opiates is just a time/money consuming waste in between.

swims honest thoughts on the matter.

antidepressants are helpful for quitting amphetamines, however go for the weakest sort possible, avoid those that make you drowsy (they make you feel worse in swims experience), choose an anti D that has "upper" qualities, and make sure you go for one that isnt hard to come off of. dont leave it up to the doctor to decide whats best for you in this situation, because alot of them get perks from drug companies for prescribing them. do your research, and make sure youre seeing a doctor that will let you pick an antidepressant to meet your needs.

they dont all work the same after all.

[cyndi]

[QUOTE=Did there ever really come a time when the euphoria from opiates/benzodiazepines/barbiturates could even match the peak euphoria from taking amphetamines on a low tolerance? Did they have the adoration and love for stimulants swim does? Etc.?

[/QUOTE]

No, not if swiy prefers speed to downers. Swim did try switching to benzos for a while. She ended up kicking another nasty habit as getting off the benzos was tough. Caffine, hmmm never thought of it that way. Swim does drink a lot of coffee just to get going in the morning. She can't find a speed substitute that won't take her back to her doc. So all is off limits in her case.

[100mg Methylphenidate]

Update on swim:

Speed is still on his mind a lot, and he does it when he can. He's figured out a long supply of downers afterwards and a small supply of speed to reduce coming down helps. Alcohol, alprazolam, hydrocodone, and more cigarettes than normal has helped swim during the inbetween periods. He's starting to have the kind of euphoria from alcohol he used to have. And more than ever from hydrocodone. Living without speed is a lot easier when he has downers, definitely. And although it doesn't replace the high, it offers a nice break for him so he can get sleep and stuff and not feel shitty from his last comedown.

Swim knows this is a bad habit. But oh well. He needs to be as happy as possible at the moment and sobriety would result in him freaking out a lot.

[cyndi]

Oh if the benzos help swiy, whatever works you know. They just didn't help swim a lot. So far all she can do is totally staying off all drugs or any drug leads her back to speed. Sad but true.