maybe [SWIM has] a[n alcohol] problem in the long run?

[TOMSHIRE2009]

hello all,


after looking round here a bit i have decided to finally open an account and start posting...

the main concern of mine at the moment is due to drinking alcohol, years ago i could go out and have a good night with no regrets the next day... now thats all changed for the worst...


i cant remember how long ago these questions concerning my drinking started to become aparant but im unsure if its a not drinking unless i have to, giving up altogether or geting help scenario



If im in a big club full of people i do feel the need to drink, my confidence is low so of course the drink helps... but then i always do things i certainly regret bigtime... weather its taking savings out of the bank to buy more drink or doing regrettable things....

if im dating a girl in the early stages things go great even with drink, but then once things feel comfortable if i have too much drink i seem to get all moody at them (not in a violent way but i start to moan about the slightest thing or in the worst case scenarios walk out of the club altogether or even end it with them) but of course the next day i wake up and realise what a big mistake it was by doing that and really hope and pray they will forgive me

the regrets are unbelievable, like i did go out to some clubs last night and got completely drunk. I kissed a girl in front of my ex girlfriend (we only broke up a few days ago so she must of felt bad, made myself look like a complete drunk in front of some of my family members and spoke complete rubbish to them. Its that bad today i just have slept most of the day and havent left my room.... not because im hungover but because of thoese regrets and the way i cant face anyone.

most days if i go to town i end up going to the pub... mainly due to being bored and not finding much else to do around here and the fact that i do enjoy drinking, the process of feeling a bit light headed but i do hate the way iv been acting when im drunk (of course though i find it hard to just stop drinking once i feel a bit light headed, but instead i want more and more)

its certainly starting to affect my life because while i often dont feel "hungover" as such i do feel lazy for the next few days (partly due to feeling ashamed) and it affects my work (as i work from home)


any advice would be appreciated because i feel like im in a losing situation. If for example i met a really decent girl weeks? months? down the line and she eventually wants to go out to clubs... i can either refuse to go and seem maybe a bit boring, i can go and not drink and probably not socialise with people much due to the low confidence i would have... or of course i could drink and have more days of regretting what iv done.


thanks

[ex-junkie]

hi there and welcome.

the first thing that stood out, was the underlying problem= low self esteem.

this is something swiy (someone who isnt you) needs to address. unfortunately low self esteem is the cause of many peoples addictions.

its very apparent that swiy doesnt like the person he becomes when hes drunk, hence the tone of what swiy wrote. nice girls generally dont like to put up with drunk people.

seems the only way forward is to make some changes. the only way to rid swiyself of these recurring regrets, low self esteem issues, and failure to meet a nice girl, is to stop drinking. if swiy feels the need to drink inside clubs, then dont go to clubs. if swiy does go to clubs, then only take enough money to have a few drinks socially. leave the rest at home.

learn to be happy inside your own skin, have some faith in swiyourself, and remember that confidence issues can only be cured by not being so hard on yourself in the first place. the more swiy encounters different social situations, the more swiy will learn and grow as a person. theres no need to act in a certain way, because 9 times out of 10, women appreciate men who simply be themselves. its not a huge task, and the more swiy gets to know people, the easier it will get to talk to them/get to know them/be comfortable around them.



does swiy think he is an alcoholic, or simply binge drinking? if its the latter, then surely cut right back or stop. if its the former, then seek some medical advice before attempting to stop drinking all together, because it can be dangerous to go cold turkey.

good thoughts.

[missparkles]

Thanks for posting.
Firstly some advice that swim was given in early recovery.
"That was then this is now, draw a line under whatever happened and let it go. Swiy can only apologise and do their best to make sure it doesn't happen again. Swiy can't change it so don't sweat it."

This helped swim (who suffered from low confidence) feel better about herself immediately. Everyone has done embarrassing things, even people who don't use substances, so swiy isn't unique in that respect. So try not to feel bad.
The fact that swiy is posting this means that they have recognised they might have a problem, that's a big step to take. Perhaps getting some support and talking about why swim has such low self esteem would be the first step. Looking at old behaviour, recognising it, why swiy does this and slowly putting new coping strategies in place to use when swiy feels this way, would help.
If swiy is drinking quite heavily it might be a good idea to get medical help before stopping completely, but only a health professional can deal with this. Swim likes to keep her doctor fully informed of all that is happening in her life. In swims experience her GP is there to help her, likes to feel that he is contributing to swims recovery (yeah he's a bloke ) and will know exactly what swim needs if there's a problem in the future.

It does take a while to unlearn some destructive behaviour (swim always used to go with what was familiar even if it was painful) but it can be done. If it's any comfort swim has been told that lots of people feel awkward in social situations but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

Swim has found this to be true for her too. Swim recognises that self destructive, self sabotaging behaviour in herself when she was drinking. Swim hopes you will be feeling more confident in the future.
Swim needs to be reminded of all of this, as it helps her remember just what it was like, so thanks for your honesty.
All the best.