Husband a crack addict and abuser

[dazedandconfused]

Hi everyone new here.Posted intro .I have been married to a very sever crack addict and physically,emotionally and psychi abuser.I hahve tried everything I know.You all know the manipulations addicts will use. I have been thru them all.He also manipulates his parents and employers by using me as a scap[egoat,stabbing me in the back.He has been a very jealous and frightful person to have to deal with.Actually it is only when he is on crack ,getting it or coming off it is he human(for lack of better way to descibe him) Then he'll lie about me to scapegoat or "blame" me to cover his butt. His patents buy into his games and they have too become abusive to me. I have tried everything I know from fighting him,begging him,covering for him(enabling so not to lose him) then participating.I can not give in and I love our two babies too much to become like him. I wish I could give up and cash out as he does but my responsiblity to my kids is too strong. He has again gone a binge and left a mess behind him. He went to rehab(again) which I know is a cover to hid from his parents and the storm mess to deal with that his binges cause. He I know wants me and the babies to leave him.I have confronted him with this and he will not deny it. He wants me to leave and leave him to his addiction.Without us he can get away from his parents eyes as well and be left in peace to do as he wants. Yet he doesn't want to have to live up to child support.His parents think he shouldn't have to.Yet they all think he should be a part of the babies lives when and how he wants to. He and his parents are warped.Bipolar,abusers, they enbale him and my children are being emotionally and psychologially harmed. I have decided to leave him and not allow him to return. I have been supportive for 7 yrs. I am without doubt reopen the child enforcement case. I have enrolled in EMS school. (I was housewife ,he was too jealous to let me work) I know what and who he really is.I know his lies and how he was only using me from the start.So why does it still bother me what he or his parents think of me? I know he will expose his true self with time and all the while I will be moving up. I wonder why I still get pissed when I think of his games to "make it my fault" ... Anyone have insight on his games to continue to hurt amd and want to financially abuse our babies just to hurt me?

[ex-junkie]

sounds like a plan tbh. just be the best person swiy can be for the kids, and close the door on him. its not good to have severely addicted individuals around children, when theyre constantly losing it. when swiy is gone, he may even realize what a fucktard hes been and do something to change it. some addicts need to hit rock bottom, and whilst swiy might think he is already at rock bottom, his rock bottom wont actually come until he loses swiyself and the kids.

dont buy into the games. if need be, when questioned in relation to the scapegoat stuff, just be honest and tell the truth. hes possessed by this drug, and the only person who can help him is himself.

swiy is entitled to feel safe and secure, so hopefully she can find that for herself.

PS: "swiy"= someone who isnt you.

goodluck, just be brave and deal with things on swiys end. dont let his end worry swiy too greatly- this doesnt mean swiy doesnt care, it just means swiy cant care anymore because of the negative impact its having on her life, and her childrens life.

swiy knows what she has to do...


PS: swims ex doesnt pay child support either. it frustrates the fuck out of her, and most weeks she only has $40 to buy food with. shame on all these deadbeat dads in the world.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Supportive and informative.

[dazedandconfused]

Thanks for the advice. It helps to know swiy isn't alone. Sad the pain and ruin left behind.

[EscapeDummy]

IMHO, you cannot let another person let your life (and just as/more importantly, your kids') be dragged down. Unfortunately it really sounds like your husband isn't in the right state right now to be a good father and role model; his parents aren't helping either.

You need to leave. With the kids.

[sweettea]

Kudos to SWIyou for finding the courage to leave a very painful and difficult situation.

If at all possible, seek professional counseling.

Counseling may help SWIYou work through the pain and anger that SWIYou must be experiencing. Even though this person has been particularly nasty; love, relationships, and wee babies invoke strong emotions, it's natural to still be tied to these feelings and the person. The person is absorbed in their own private world with their own demons. This sort of ugly behavior of being hurftul to loved ones, is all to common with these situations, and rather unfathomable to understand.

Good luck, peace be with all.

[dazedandconfused]

Thanks all for the advice. Glad finally found support that has walked my mile.

[BoxStar]

SWIM agrees with all of the above posts and would like to add that using, abusing and/or being addicted to drugs is no excuse for being a psychopathic son of a bitch; SWIM has used and abused every “hard drug” there is to the extreme and has never physically and/or psychologically abused anyone; there is absolutely no excuse or mitigating factors for behaviors such as harming your wife and children.

SWIM advice is to leave this piece of shit and never allow him to come close to SWIY or SWIY children; he is a psychopathic abuser using the typical tactics to obtain total control such as not allowing SWIY to have a job.

SWIM has some knowledge about this kind of situations because similar things that happened close to SWIM; the sister of one of his best friends and a close friend of SWIM was physically and psychologically abused for 4 months back in 2006, she never told anyone and her family only found out after they received a call from a hospital; she had been brutally beaten (over 20 blows just to the face) and she had been in a living hell for the past 4 months since she moved to his apartment; the piece of shit in question used cocaine but mainly used alcohol and was drunk when the assault occurred; he beat her because she was spending too much time with her family and friends (another typical trait; isolating the victim from family and friends), he left her barely conscious on the floor and went to sleep and she had to leave his apartment, get on a taxi and reach the closest hospital while being covered in blood, bleeding from several cuts and with a broken nose.

SWIM received a call from his friend at 5:27am on a Sunday morning and after being picked up at 6:05am instead of heading for the hospital where her parents were already they both decided to go directly to the worthless scum apartment after her mother described to her brother by cellphone just how bad she was; after knocking for over 10 minutes he finally opened the door wearing a brick-red shirt that had several darker spots that looked like blood and his words sentenced him: “The problem is between me and her, you have no right to interfere, go away” after hearing that SWIM friend went into a rage and so did SWIM; what happened afterwards is easy to imagine but even taking into account all the legal problems that this action brought to both SWIM will never regret it and would do it again; someone capable of punching his defenseless girlfriend over 20 times in the face and head doesn’t deserve to breath in SWIM opinion.

No drug causes such behavior; they can however give the confidence to act on what is already in the mind of such a son of a bitch to begin with.

Sorry for the long post; SWIM recently saw her friend (June 19) after several months without contact and two years later she has not fully recovered, in fact she has developed post-traumatic stress disorder so her life is pretty fucked up and after reading this thread it made SWIM remember the whole story.

[drug-bot]

^swim tottally agrees w/ boxstar, swim was a heroin addict and on and off again crack and i.v coke and crack abuser for a number of years and never was physically or emotionally abusive to anyone. using ones addiction to excuse abuse is bullshit. swiy needs to take care of herself and her kids you dont want the state to take your kids away and put them in foster care or worse suffer a sever injury from the abuse.

[missparkles]

Swim understand what swiy is going through. Swim tried "crack" some years ago and within a very short time (a few weeks) was stealing from her own mum. Swim has used heroin from an early age but this was something totally new.

Swim thinks that this substance is the most addictive one swim has tried, and swim could imagine herself doing anything to get a rock.
Swiy has gone down this road, and until he decides he wants to clean up his act there is nothing anyone can do. He's gotta make this decision.
All swiy can do is keep herself and her kids safe. Swiy deserves better than this, so do her kids.

Kids see parents cope with problems with either abuse to each other or substance abuse, and without anyone realising it, they are mentally prepared to cope with their problems in an unhealthy way.
Not saying they will, but swim has known lots of people who have used because of childhood trauma, swim included.
If this bloke gets help fine, if not swim would be reluctant to let the kids see him. If he's played mind games with swiy what would he do to the kids.

Swims not advocating no contact, just supervised contact, until he can be trusted to treat them right, emotionally and physically.
Glad swiy found the strength to do something...but it must have been so hard for swiy.
Well done and stay strong.