Journal - You never loss the addiction.

[wtfdustinwtf]

Its never over, but the worst has came, the good has came, the worst came back, and now i can live without needing that drink.



Swim starting drinking at the age of 13. It was just a beer and that was all.

Then came the period of no alcohol, but just as all curious little swimmers do he experimented with substances, and found alcohol to be quite pleasant.

He regrets the countless wine bottles he had stolen from his grandparents, the countless nights he'd drink 2 whole bottles and wake up forgetting what happened.. but at the time it seamed he loved it.

Then came in the next factor. Easy availability... Swims father travels state to state for his job he had picked me up one summer to stay a month in Tennessee with him, where he had accesses to lots of beer. he would drink 5-8 and get shit faced,, he didn't know of that one little thing everyone should know of "moderation".. now it had became a habit and he loved it.

After heading back to his g-rents a month past by when swim took a large leap, and moved with his father. Alcohol was always around and in large quantities,(the addiction is my fault but my dad being an addicted played no help either) his father tried to teach him moderation and did kindawell (which IMO means he didn't know jack shit) This swimmer hadn't reached his full alcoholism yet. He just enjoyed slit moderation but being drunk ever night he could.

This slowly progressed over a year(amount of alcohol consumption increased with time) until finally the big move to Virgina..

These where swims hardest times. and he has tears in his eyes from typing this, all the time i wasted. that i cant regain. Knowing that he has to live with the fact hurts him deeps and hopes letting others know will help ease this pain in his heart.

While living in VA swim would get up early in the morning and work for free with his dad, he wanted to get fit and muscular. Well, what happened in the beginning was small for him 4 beers and 4 large shoots of liqueur. Timed addiction and availability makes for a bad turn out. He was getting himself into half a bottle of liquor almost every night.


About drinking and driving from the 2 times i did, swim must say no one should do this no matter how good they are, everyone knows the strong perceptional and reaction time changes with alcohol.... Its a little late but after swim understood the danger swim placed on hisself and others swim realize that this is something people shouldnt be doing. The lifes that have been lost and can be...


well back to swims story


As time went on swims life revolved around working and drinking. he would get home from work do chores around the house for a few hours then start drinking.. the amounts increased, until he was just drinking straight liquor on the rocks maybe 1/3 a 1.5 litter bottle. He didn't stop he would get so shit faced he'd pass out,, that's not living.

He knew he partially understood he couldn't live like this but couldn't stop.. he use to cry himself to sleep as the room would spin.



Well he was allowed to go back home for a weekend in the summer to see his friends . When at the house he got into the stored up liquor Which was part of a family collection that had been started for many years.It was not ment to be driunk until the death of my dad and stepmom. Well, he,d drink a half of a bottle(1 litter usually) or even more every night and just pass out. he would hit the mini bottles by the 10's it seamed.... This is when he fully realized he had a major issue..


When swim went back to VA he would drink as much as he could when ever he could putting his little brothers life at risk and his own.

after a few months there was a moment of sobriety. he stayed sober from all substances for a month before that first drop of sweet poison touched his lips again, this time it was hard to get alcohol. He'd have a worker of his dads' buy swim 2 tall boys of steel reserve every night. He would do all sorts of stupid things... throwing his life away...


Well then came the big move to home.

This is when swim became the worest he could be. drinking 3 beers and 2 bottles of old collecting wine... he ruined his familys collections thousands of dollars worth of alcohol i drunk....... , the years they spent on it, the memories they had with it swim was PATHITIC !!!!!!!

After the wine was gone and his supplier of beer was gone he went to the liquor collection... it started out easy drinking a 1/3(1 litter) a bottle a night.. but after time turned into 2 bottles a day.. the progression got to the point where; he'd wake up, slowly get drunk. by mid day pass out, wake up drink a little bit not so much maybe 3 shots... Until night came when he would get hammered. Then came the he would sleep. After a few hours of sleep he awoke up in the middle of the night to finish the rest of the second bottle.. this is how swim was living.. no.... this was how he was dieing.


He had drunk the entire collection of over 500 mini bottles and over 75 larger bottles and 40 wine bottles. this is when swim and his dad put a stop to it.. it was hard. he turnd to his mom for a bottle of wine every so often, he was still cursed with the need for alcohol. but then one day he said he would stop. he did.. and it wasnt until now that he can say his addiction is under control. If he is offered a beer he declines it.. He found saving through his sacrament, cannabis, and his need to develop himself. the need to work again. after many physiciactric appointments and many meds. He got much better Swim doesnt need alcohol he needs clarity and something to do.

Swim is glade he is finally heading in the right direction. and wishes to talk with others who are trying to recover.

Edit.. Swim wants to thank DF. for being there, to help him learn so much, to give him something to do..

This may not mean anything to all the other swimmers but i think DF has played a sizeable portion of my lifes, shifting changes.

The good changes. So thank you every Swimmer out there!

Reputation Comments on this post:

	SWIMs dad is an alcoholic SWIM wishes he could see it the way you do. Great post.
	Thanks for sharing with us this inspiring story
	Long may your journey be forwards and upwards. Thank you for the story.