Why does SWIY want ego death/reduction/etc?

[Venusia]

When one is looking for ego death, are they looking to completely obliterate their sense of themself (as it has been cultivated and reenforced throughout one's life by one's experiences, interactions and relationships) in order to start fresh with new psychic imprints all together, with the goal of becoming more in touch long-term with some spiritual/divine/etc energy that our usual feelings of duality keep us from doing; or is one merely looking to kill the ego for a finite amount of time so that one may experience the humility of oneness, as opposed to the constant duality we are used to at baseline. I think of it like a psychic vacation vs. moving into a state of oneness for as long as possible and maintaining that head space.

If it is neither, tell SWIV about your spiritual/mystical/emotional reasons for losing one's self in the "moment" (which can take 6-18 hrs! ) regardless of what substance is used, just ID it for clarity please.

ETA:
Some extremely cool anonymous person gave Swivy this rep comment:

"Very interesting question. Thank you for this contribution, perhaps you might give a good example by describing the motivation which compels SWIY to seek ego death/reduction."

Well, it all really started with this thread.
To answer the question, Swivy has to set her background up for ya. Firstly, as of the last year, Swivy can't trip anymore. She's on citalopram, an SSRI that renders LSD and MDMA useless. Sad, I know. She even got two hits of liquid from her best friend for X-mas to trip and bond with her little sis. Little sis was trippin balls off of one hit, and Swivy was at baseline all night from two. *sigh* (and that was a time when she really could have used it to shake off some shit that had collected over time. Boo.)
Nor can Swivy even smoke the ever-so psychedelic sativas because she's subject to random urine and blood tests for pain managment and her opioid contract. ("Damned chronic pain...I shake my fist at you!" Swivy says. )

Now, that all being said, Swivy started trippin' in high school. It was done for silly reasons,like just to get messed up, and basically it was used as nothing but a novelty until Swivy turned 19. Swivy had no idea the power LSD had to help people molt of all the crap they've collected, stored and processed, molding themselves into something that was ugly and unhappy with no lust for life and no love or knowledge of the things that go on beyond what we can see .She had no idea that LSD was like glasses for the soul. (I know, that was a totally cheesy line. But it's from the heart.)

That is when she met Loki, Swivy's best friend, lover and lifetime companion (and now her husband). Loki had followed the Dead in the 90s and had megadosed many, many times. He'd immersed himself in the works of Robert Anton Wilson, Aldous Huxley and the like, and he tore through books on zen and eastern philosophy. He'd sat for hours, staring at one spot on the wall, trying to acheive the kinds of highs that only long bouts of intense meditiation or LSD could give. Early on in their relationship, Swivy and Loki started trippin together, and Loki taught Swivy about some of the spiritual/metaphysical aspects of LSD. That is when Swivy started using LSD regularly in order to re-imprint a lot of the things that had been harming her psychically--a mother who was overly Baptist and slightly negligent, a step-father who was emotionally abusive to everyone in his life, hang ups she had about herself and life, preconcieved notions about the way things "should" be, etc. Swivy used to call herself stupid and dumb. She let herself believe the things people said to and about her. She was a mess and hadn't really been able to tell.

LSD and Loki blew Swivy's mind. Together, they taught her all about the importance of set and setting, grey areas vs. absolute black and whites, false dualities, and the patterns and order that make up the chaos of life. Swivy sort of stumbled into learning about ego death, and she fell in love with life and the world again when she got that first taste of being stripped down, layer by layer, hour after hour. Life made more sense when Swivy realized that the world really DIDN'T revolve around her, and that life (as George Harrison put it) really does go on within you and without you.

So, if she were to answer my question, she'd say she wanted it for the more permenant changes it can bring if used in that manner. She wishes that she could go there again, but life and certain pharmecuitcals have made it an unrealistic thing for her for now. She may have lost the LSD for a bit, but she'll always have the Aum if she really wants back in/out.

It's 2:32 am. This little psychonaut needs to get ta' bed.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Very interesting question. Thank you for this contribution, perhaps you might give a good example by describing the moti...