My boyfriend and I have a somewhat unusual relationship. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 16, and we broke up when I was 20. We recently got back together again after nearly 5 years apart. Even in high school, he used to drink, but of course it was "cool" then and I never thought anything of it. We moved in together when I was 17 (I was legally emancipated at 16 due to a variety of home issues), and he drank then, but I never viewed it as an issue or a problem. He also smoked pot, and that was a more frequent activity than the drinking. When I turned 18, we moved away from the rural area we both grew up in, and moved to a nearby metropolitan area so I could go to college. He didn't really want to move, but he did anyhow, and he became jealous and suspicious of my actions, and we both became violent with each other. Finally I decided it would be best if he moved back in with his parents, and so he did. After several months we started hooking back up, but I was dating someone else and wasn't really interested in his bullshit. So nearly 5 years went by without any contact. As time passed I realized that I didn't want to live without him, and contacted him, and learned he felt the same way.
We have been back together for almost a year now, and I knew from the start that his drinking had turned into a major issue. However, I had recently started drinking socially (as in 2-3 times per month while out with friends), and had many friends who drank quite a bit, so I thought it was no big deal. We didn't (and don't yet) live together (actually we live about an hour apart), so I didn't really grasp the full extent of the problem until my work schedule changed, and we had more time to spend together. He drinks a 12 pack to a case of beer every day after work, he stops at the gas station and picks up several "tall" (?) beers and drinks them on his way home, then continues to drink until he pretty much passes out. Most days he drinks vodka or whiskey in addition to the beer, around 1/4 of a large (1.75 Liter I believe) bottle. On the weekends, he just drinks nonstop. His whole life revolves around his drinking. He doesn't make much money at his crappy factory job, so he often is overdrawn in his bank account from his alcohol purchases. He also lives with and supports his alcoholic father, which I know is quite a hardship (financially and emotionally) for him.
After being together for about 6 months, I told him that I was very concerned about his drinking, and asked him to cut back. He has done fairly well around me, but when I'm not around, it's the same old shit. I do drink with him occasionally, but I refuse to sit around the house and drink, I prefer to go out to a bar/club as a group with friends. When he does drink around me, it really upsets me to see him drunk, and he acts like a completely retarded idiot. He sees that I am upset and frustrated, and ignores it when I tell him I am only upset because of his drinking. He is constantly pressuring me to drink with him, and will not accept that I CAN'T drink a lot, or regularly, because my migraines are exacerbated by alcohol. I can have a few drinks with no problems, but if I actually get drunk, it's a guaranteed migraine.
I don't know what to do to help him. He claims that if we lived together he wouldn't need to drink, but I don't want to move in together until I see proof of this. Any sort of rehab or 12-step program is pretty much out of the question, he is not the type of person to go for that sort of thing (mainly the faith based/higher power crap), nor could he afford any sort of treatment. I don't know how to help him, or how to support him, or what to say to him. I love him but I hate seeing him like this. Any suggestions and advice would be very welcomed.
Last edited by Dickon; 07-09-2009 at 17:38.
Reason: swim
27-05-2009, 16:57
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