Journal - Must....stay....off....

[Hamburglar]

Hi all. SWIM has been using CWE'd codeine for about three years. Until a few months ago, he only used once a week max.

Over the past four months, however, his use has steadily increased. Codeine became a crutch for depression caused by a whore of an ex-gf. It also allowed SWIM to focus on his work (he is in the internet marketing business and works from home).

SWIM's use has become so steady that he has now built up a tolerance for the first time. He estimates that he has taken codeine - in some form, ranging from 30mg to 350mg - on 18 of the last 20 days.

He feels he is still in the "psychological dependence" stage but is quickly moving into the "physical dependence" phase. He wants to avoid this at all costs. Recently he has been having thoughts about codeine at all times of the day, and looks forward to his nightly sessions with great anticipation.

Codeine has hurt his social life and is most likely, despite his proficiency at the CWE process, hurting his liver.

SWIM wants to go back to being a recreational user, no more than once a week. He understands that he is playing with fire with this, but he feels that it's certainly possible if he can get out of this current dependency.

He will begin his return to recreational use by going 5 days codeine free. He will not use it again until Sunday. He has just dumped the last of his pills in the garbage and plans on reporting back here every day until Sunday to tell everyone how he's been clean and codeine-free.

Having this thread open will help SWIM stick to this plan for sobriety. He has read many of the stories on this board, and doesn't want to experience what some other people have been going through. Thanks for your support.