An upper Christmas story

[Dexy Mcfukfuk]

My reason for writing about this experiance is not necessarily
because I think the experience to be particularly profound or insane.
The experience that I had today was probably not one that is
uncommon. However I do consider this experience to be interesting
and I hope that some of you may share this opinion with me. It may
at times be rather disjointed, but, you jerks are gonna have to deal
with that, I may go through and edit after I’m done, but that’s hard
and I’m lazy. Besides this way you get a true sense of the state of
my mind at the moment. I wrote it in the present tense because
what is written is the collection of various recordings I made on my
voice recorder during the experience. This report will most likely be
pretty long, but I hope that you will have the patience to read the
whole thing, because I am very interested in hearing feedback on not
only the report itself, but also on some of various insights I made
through-out. I would also like to hear from anyone who has had
similar experiences and can add something to what I have written.
This said, I will now begin.

(This took place on Christmas day)

3:30 PM-I just now took 70 mg of Aderal, and 35 mg of Ritalin. It is
Christmas day. I sit back and watch some Futurama, waiting for the
fun to start.

3:45-I am beginning to notice a body high, and a small increase in
energy. Even though what I feel now is not very drastic, I have a
sense that these feelings are only going to get stronger.
Because I tend to get really fidgety on this stuff I decide that
instead of remaning cooped up in my house I’d got for a walk. So I
grab the diskman and Radiohead’s album “Hail to the Thief” and
head out.

4:00-I have now been walking for about 5 minutes. The body
euphoria I felt earlier seems to have subsided but I am in an
uncommonly good mood. I am feeling optimistic about life,
energetic and Radiohead is sounding reeaaal good right now. I have
25 mg of Ritalin and 20 mg of Aderol left, but I am not currently
planning on using them today. I have already taken a pretty large
dose and fear that pushing it any further may end up being a little
unpleasant.
I see a dog in the street and I decide that I want to play with it.
While playing with the dog I realize that I am experiencing a very
vivid connection and interest in the outer world.

4:18-I still do not feel a very large amount of euphoria, body or
mind. This surprises me because I took a very large dose of both
medicines. The lack of the body high I felt earlier could be caused
by my walking. I have noticed that I get body highs are a lot
stronger when I am lying down. I am however in a very peppy mood,
and I am starting to feel very content with the world. All of the
normal faults that I notice around me seem trivial and meaningless.
Nevertheless I decide that if by 4:35 I still do not feel the rush of
euphoria I will take what remains of my stash.

4:22-I change my mind about taking the rest if I don’t feel the
euphoria I desire. What I am feeling right now is still great. I realize
now that I have a tendency to never be content with something that
is good. I tell myself if this is good, taking more will be even better.
This idea that bigger is always better seems to be very intrinsic in
the behavior or today’s society. No matter what we have, we are
disappointed that it is not better. If this is true it is no wonder that
we are unable to ever be truly content. Maybe happiness lies in
simply accepting what you currently have and going with it.

4:27-Walks like these are how I would like to spend my life. Just,
wandering the world going from town to town, resting when I need
to, doing odd-jobs for money to survive. I am really enjoying this
walk right now, nothing really bothers me, and nothing has to.
While I am walking, I am free. It is as if I am separated from the life
defined by my past experiences in fears of the future. It is almost as
if my Self doesn’t apply to the Me that is here in this moment. I like
this feeling, and I can easily picture myself spending my life in this
state.

4:35-I decided that contrary to what I was thinking earlier that I
would go ahead and use the rest of my stash. Realizing that maybe
eating is not the best way to experience the rush I so sorely desire I
decided to crush up the remaining 25 mg of Ritalin and snort it.
Realizing that this route of ingestion lends itself to sever crashes I
decided that I should go ahead and take the last 20 mg of Aderal.
I have now taken a total of 60 mg of Ritalin and 90 mg of Aderal.
I am now experiencing that beautiful rush that I've desired all this
time. First I feel a shot of energy and euphoria through my body
almost right after the I snort the Ritalin. Suddenly I feel intensely
aware of the world and my senses. It is now that the feeling of my
Self disappearing and being replaced by the world around me.

4:40-At this moment I feel no reason to think. Normally my
perception is trapped within the storm of constant thoughts racing
through my head. These thoughts are entirely distinct from the
outside world. The outside world has almost no effect on my
everyday thought process. But at this moment, the feeling of being
detached from reality is gone. Its not so much that I am not thinking
at all, but instead, my mind is on the outside, my thoughts are the
world, I have no more distinction between outside world, and my
internal world. What I am seeing is what I am thinking. I am not
creating the outside world with my thoughts, but simply, letting
what is outside define me. The moment it the moment, and the
world at this moment is not affected by at all by what is in the past
or in the future. The only thing that exists, is what I perceive right
now, and right now is beautiful. It’s Christmas day…this is perfect.

5:00-The Ritalin I snorted is still in full effect although not as strong
as twenty minutes ago. I still am intensely aware of the outside
world although my awareness of my Self is starting to come back.
For a second I think that I feel a twinge of anxiety and nervousness
but it is soon gone. I think the Ritalin I ate an hour and a half ago is
beginning to leave my system. I fear that once the Ritalin I snorted
wears off that feeling of nervousness and anxiety may return.
Hopefully though all of the Aderol I took will keep me from feeling
the Ritalin come down too severely.

5:24 I just returned to my house and I am now sitting in my
room listening to the album “One Hot Minute” by the Red Hot Chile
Peppers. The rush has worn off at this point. I no longer feel the
blind euphoria and energy rush I did before. I think that both the
Ritalin I snorted at 4:30 and the Ritalin that I ate originally are both
pretty much gone. Luckily I still got the 90 mg of Aderal runnin
around in my blood. I still do feel pretty good, my mind is going
real fast, and I am feeing rather social. My teeth are rather grindy
though, but oh well, s’what I get for being an upper freak.
I sort of miss the rush of energy I felt earlier, but what I feel now
is still good. I’m actually feeling a bit tense and restless. Which is
actually the reason that I wrote this, I had an urge to be productive,
and so I just started listening to what I recorded and writing it down.

[afroh]

Awesome story man, I felt as though I was living thestory myself


*AfroH*

[ioh mon dieu]

Dexy have you ever read " on the road " by Jack Kerouac? Some of the
ideas you have protrayed remind me alot of my self and my responce from
reading that peice of literature.

[drugofthemoment]

whoa that sounds good would love to feel like that sometime would be an experience!