I need advice, but committed to staying in relationship, please help

[reighna1]

I am engaged to a drug addict (klonopins, painkillers, oxy's). Im really lost and am seeking advice. It's a constant cycle of him promising to get better, him breaking that promise. (pretty typical, I guess?) He'll do good for a while and then majorly let me down.

I see myself getting so angry and hurt and frustrated. I know he has a problem, but its so hard to not take all of the broken promises and let downs so personally. It's so hard to not see it as a lack of love on his part - like if I WAS WORTH it, he'd try more. (realistically, I know that addiction is harder than that, but feelings are feelings)


I see myself being so mean to him, and so bitter. That I jump on him, and fear that my anger is making him hide his addiction and struggles with me rather than communicate openly. I react so badly that its just easier for him to not tell me than be open.


My question is this.. What do I do? How should I act? I feel I have every right to be hurt, frustrated, disappointed and want him to stop. To be ANGRY. But at the same time, I want him to be open with me and not feel that he needs to hide things from me. I'm so lost. I love him so much and my heart is just so confused over what to do.

Do I act like I don't care? (though I do care, at least he'll be open)

Do I tell him he's killed any desire in me to care and he can do what he wants? (that has seemed to affect him the most because he really wants me to care)


Do I get angry?

Do I cry?



I need advice. Im not in the position to walk away. So barring that, please offer advice.