Social - Used around a loved one, big mistake. How to fix?

[yolaluver]

Met this girl 2 months ago, we got close after 3 weeks SWIM told her he had did xtc the day before, and that's why SWIM was acting 'hungover' the next day, she was interested, but asked SWIM "promise me you'll never do this again"

SWIM said sure, well SWIM ended up doing it again, more than SWIM had ever other done. (800mg mdma, 300mg meth) We went to her friends house and then to a club. SWIM usually use this drug if he goes to the club to have fun, why not with her, she'll never know, she's never done drugs, or been around them.

Well she sure noticed that something was wrong with him, but she just dismissed it as him being piss drunk but now SWIM feels nothing but guilt, SWIM couldn't even pretend to act sober. Talking licking lips, rapid eye movement, huge pupils, squinting his eyes to hide his pupils, his voice sounded completely different, his mouth was dry as paper, his lips were dry as sandpaper.

He realized he made a huge mistake, and will never use again as long as she's a part of his life. He wanted to tell her when he was rolling but it would surely have scared her.

And he doesn't know if it would make the matter worse if he talked about it, or just let her think he was wasted, which he was, but with the drugs on top of that.

He apoligized for the way he acted, he hung out the next day but it was weird, and the next day he just texted, and today he just texted. He just feels like in the back of her mind she has this experience that he lost control, and she was so in love with him before, but now she has this little doubt.

My question is, how does SWIM get rid of that feeling in the back of her head, or a is he just imagining things.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Self incrimination in the title. Please read the rules.
	this is common for people with heart , to wanna come clean and confess , it just backfires. good thread. found it a re...

[Junkhead23]

Personally Pacman thinks that promising someone that SWIY will not take something/drink alcohol etc is an empty promise and one which SWIY are bound to break. Ask SWIYself if SWIY want to quit ecstasy regardless of the girl. If the answer is no be honest with her as it seems she simply does not like drugs and deserves to be told the truth.

[yolaluver]

he does want to quit, and has been trying to for awhile, he just falls into this habit, weekend>club>roll>rave.

He is now seeing the ramifications of using, and the toll it is taking on the ones close to him.

its not an addiction, his obession does not over power his will, and his will to the be with this girl far excedes any obession to get high. He's 22 this isnt some fairytale highschool love.

[pinksox]

One can not "change" for someone else. They must want to do it for themselves. If they don't truly want to do "x,y,z" then the chances they'll make a change and be successful in the effort are quite low.

Personally, SWIM believes that some things are better left unsaid. It's a two-month relationship, not a 10-year marriage. At two months, one is still afforded some personal privacy and SWIM doesn't feel there's an absolute need to reveal all about oneself.

SWIM's never done X, but has read many rolling tales. It seems feelings are generally more intense on X. If love, peace, and harmony are more intense then it only makes sense than guilt would be more intense as well.

Apologize for being wasted if SWIY feels the need or his behavior was particularly obnoxious. SWIM doesn't think, at this point, he need reveal the fact he was rolling. But, if it what HE truly wants, perhaps he can make a pact to himself that he won't use...or at least won't use around his friend again.

[beentheredonethatagain]

it sounds like you really like this girl, and if so then dont make things worse, first keep quite about any using , no word. the rest is up to you , she wont stick with somebody she cant trust, I can tell by the way she reacted .

so deside now if you can forgive yourself for tossing her to curb in lew of a club drug.

simple really, trust me ,, beenthere on that one. and again no fun

[Squeekz]

Originally Posted by pinksox

SWIM's never done X, but has read many rolling tales. It seems feelings are generally more intense on X. If love, peace, and harmony are more intense then it only makes sense than guilt would be more intense as well.

SWIM agrees with this statement 100%. The first time swim rolled he felt regret when he told his friend something he shouldn't have... only this regret was 100X worse than it would have been sober. It was a very scary feeling that only lasted a night but felt like an eternity. This is why SWIM thinks that SWIY needs to figure this out BEFORE rolling again, because he will surely fall into this pit of regret/guilt if he hasn't made up his mind yet.

As for quitting. like most have said it can't be about her, it has to be about you, especially after only knowing her for two months. Wait until your relationship becomes serious before you give part of yourself away.

[yaba]

Swim feels for you as he has all his girlfriends break up with him because of his drug abuse and the behavior what comes with it...

All he can say is (most of the time honesty is the best way forward) swiy could say the truth and tell her its under control ? Or say I am in a mess help me please...?

In swims cases "its the drugs or me" and swim always promised better but never did...
Hope your swim makes the right choice..

[sandoz1943]

Be honest with her and yourself this is always the best policy. You cant build a good loving relationship on lies.

[actarus]

be honest and firm, show her swiy realized what he did upset her and even tho rollin it's not this nasty mortal sin in swiy's opinion (yea...swim would be honest) he can quit it right away cause she's way more important.
totally avoid corny talk and dont talk to her in a whiny/lame/too-much-sorry way.
whats importnt in swim's opinion is to show character and personality.

[szip88]

swim suggets get a gf that likes xtc...

[thv20]

Originally Posted by szip88

swim suggets get a gf that likes xtc...

Clearly SWIY forgot to read the part about "a loved one". It doesn't work that way.