Relapse or weakness

[cyndi]

Well since there is a response swim better say something. Is relapse weakness or something that gives a swimmer an excuse to use? Addiction is it real or in our mind? Swim certainly does not want to mess up anymore. Swim is remorseful now but what about in a week, will she still be? Swim is just pondering these questions. She thought that part of her life was over until she lost her son.

[humdroid]

Y just wants to pipe up, a lapse does not, a relapse make.
A relapse does not a weakling make

Strength is not giving up, on giving up.
Corny as shyte, but true.

[cyndi]

Originally Posted by humdroid

Y just wants to pipe up, a lapse does not, a relapse make.
A relapse does not a weakling make

Strength is not giving up, on giving up.
Corny as shyte, but true.

Actually that is pretty profound. Weakness comes when one just gives up.

[old hippie 56]

Remorseful of the "what ifs", is what bothers swim. Pangs of guilt of deeds and acts done long ago. We all feel these emotions, which is normal to some extent. But, when one dwells on them until they become a burden, is becomes necessary to examine these feelings and figure out what the underlining cause of them are.

[ex-junkie]

Originally Posted by cyndi

Well since there is a response swim better say something. Is relapse weakness or something that gives a swimmer an excuse to use? Addiction is it real or in our mind? Swim certainly does not want to mess up anymore. Swim is remorseful now but what about in a week, will she still be? Swim is just pondering these questions. She thought that part of her life was over until she lost her son.

the mind often looks for any excuse to justify a relapse.

addiction is both very real, and in the mind. however, there are two voices. one is your conscience and the other is the addiction. remember that the conscience forms part of the real you, and the addiction is the devils equivalent- it doesnt form part of the real you. ignore it and with time it will go away.

always listen to your conscience, and understand that sometimes the addiction (not part of the real you), is merely making excuses to justify continuance/control over you. the addiction is nothing if you dont let it continue to destroy you. also its handy to know that the remorse is part of the real you too.

[Dickon]

Strength is a much misunderstood concept in this context. There is a big difference between "brute force and ignorance" (as an old Sensei of mine used to call it) and intelligent application of force. Relapse (or lapse) is far more likely to be caused by misapplied strength, or misunderstood strength, or a failure to comprehend when, how and where strength is needed, than by a simple lack of strength.

The trouble is, if recovery is based on a kind of brute force and ignorance gritting of the teeth, there is inevitably going to be a time when the teeth must unclench (if we want to be pretentious we could say that Yang must eventually change into Yin) and unless we have a practice of recovery in weakness (or Yin, or unclenched teeth-mode, call it what you will) the moment we relax our guard we will lapse/relapse.

Self-knowledge is the key, but not of a theoretical naval-gazing kind, but self-knowledge in action, as in knowing what one must do when one feels in danger of lapse/relapse, and actually being able to do it. For my cat, the only way he learnt enough to gain his freedom was in rehab. This didn't last, despite going to a lot of NA meetings. The next time round he cleaned up using NA meetings, and this time round, he did it essentially on his own, although far from alone really. He had his wife, he found DF, and after a month went to an aftercare service as they offered massages which he wanted!

If we can learn what works for us, and there is a whole smorgasbord of ideas on this forum from which to pick, we will be in a better position. But this figuring out how to cope in various situations is an ongoing process, so encountering a new situation and lapsing may just be a lesson of the kind "when in situation X, don't do Y".

Remember the important lesson, the external world is seen almost in the light of the inner world. If you are in a good mood a bad thing will be water off a ducks back. In a bad mood, even a good thing will seem pointless and futile. Learn why life is worth living and hold to that.

I've seen a lot of very strong-willed people lapse/relapse. They say in NA "surrender to win". I think this is half of the picture. A little well-applied strength is needed too. In Tai Chi they say you need 4 ounces of force to deflect 1000 pounds, not zero force! But if you're applying the force wrong your 1000 pounds of force will be deflected by the monkey successfully applying 4 ounces worth!

Keep trying, keep learning, and don't give up

Dickon [hoping some of the above makes sense!]

Reputation Comments on this post:

thanks for your support:) Day 1 uh

[nick23]

Cyndi,just wanted to say that I hope you find some kind of peace

[cyndi]

Thank you, no she isn't at peace. But it would be great. Swim thought that things were going ok, recognized triggers that she would be able to live a decent life. She is back at square 1 today, tired very tired and what is worse had to take a day off work. She is concerned quite frankly about her spirit and mental well being. She needs to cope with grief which is easy to write but not do without relapsing. She just wants to feel respectable and normal again.

[ex-junkie]

grief is the hardest thing to deal with ever. sending good thoughts swiys way. feeling respectable starts with respecting yourself no matter what.