Swim's heading into rehab...Please come in.

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim's had a work related back injury now for almost 3 years. Has been fighting with comp for a back surgery so he can get back to work and contribute like he always has. Comp wants no part of it and has refused his surgery and forced him to get a lawyer. Meanwhile tho they dont mind his pain management doc feeding him Oxycontin every month tho to keep him pacified and to take the fight out of him.

Well, Swim's pretty much had enough of the Oxy rollercoaster and wants some help. He called a couple hotlines day before yesterday and talked to someone and is lined up for an intake appt. at a rehab facility on Mon. morning. Swim wont lie. He is scared shitless of his new life w/out his painkillers. Even tho Swim cant take his med right, always runs out early, is always in detox of some form or another all the time it seems, he is still scared of doing something different. I told him that makes no sense at all and he should be excited about making a change and trying to get back to normal or whatever that is. They have told swim that they have a lot of options including the Suboxone and stuff like that that will help take away alot of the uncontrolled urges, the detox symptoms and also because the meds are opiates or opiate derivitives, they will help his back pain too.

Swim thinks it sounds good enough but he is still scared of change. He did have a life before the Oxy tho and a good life it was. He was a drummer in a local band and was one of the top workers at his job. All that has been lost due to his injury and his addiction. He just wants his old life back.

Please just drop by and lend some support maybe or just some advice if another swim has been where this swim's at. He leaves his thanks in advance.

[ex-junkie]

heh. another drummer.

<3

swiy will be fine. hold on to the thought of how swiys life used to be, how much swiy wants it back. view addiction like a fight, then summon every ounce of stubborness (that every one of us has inside us), and use it to fight back.

"i will not let this drug keep me down"..

"i am grateful for getting my old life back, and i deserve to have it back"..

remember swiy is not the person he used to be whilst he is on the oxy. think of it as an adventure, albeit an uncomfortable one, but youre old life is waiting on the other side. know within swiy, that youre never dealt with anything more than what you can handle, and that success is always within swiys reach.



goodluck with the journey.

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim thanks you for the words of wisdom. Had to smack swim in the back of the head cuz he was tearing up a bit from readin that... Swim was a fighter before all of this but it seems as tho the fight is taken away when they have that control over swim of whether or not they will give swim his drugs or not. Swim hates to be controlled and doesnt like it at all but really doesnt care when he's on his Oxy. When he is off his stuff he all of a sudden gets mad at his situation and wants resultz and closure but then gets his next fix and doesnt care. Swim wants off that roller coaster.

Swim's music and his career use to be his two loves only second to his wonderful supportive wife. Swim loses his ambitions and doesnt even want to play or practice or anything when he's on his drugz. He used to be pretty darn good at the skinz from what I remember. Played a 5 string bass too but pawned that for his drugz a few months ago and lost it due to lack of funds. Is pretty mad at himself for that as well as he pawned a lot of things including his wifes wedding/engagement rings but she has forgiven swim for that which swim thought he was really screwed for losing those. Swim cried himself to sleep a couple times because those rings meant alot to swim and his wife and really wanted to hurt himself because of that.

Anyways, that TMI I'm sure and prolly shouldnt be going into all that. Swim thanks you for posting and looks forward to more.

[ex-junkie]

if swiy ever has anything to get off his chest, then here is the place to do it. swim sold her pearl export series 5 piece kit, all the cymbals, and the double kick pedal back in the day. piece by piece. it started off with just one cymbal, then another, then shed take them back from cashies, but they always went back on loan, then came back home, until one day she lost most of it. then the rest of the kit was worthless to her by then, so she hocked the rest of it.

she also hocked her engagement ring and an eternity ring many times. she always would get them back before the loan term ended, but when she split up with him, she left it there.

meh.

swim hopes swiy realizes that they are merely material objects, that can be replaced. best to not worry swiys head over it at this point. its not something swiy would normally have done, so swiy shouldnt beat himself up about it.

its good that swiy recognizes the control they have over him with the oxys, and remember that compensation is due to him no matter what. they will try to avoid paying it by any means possible, and they can be utter dirty cunts in the process. they dont care about swiy or swiys family.

fuck them tbh.

swiy might be interested to know that thesedays swim is rocking a roland td3 amongst other dj/production equipment, that none has ever seen the inside of a hock shop. things can change for the better, and sometimes you just got to let the past slide to make way for a new, bigger, better future.

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim thanks Swiy for the support once again. Swim said the one thing he would never do is hock his drumset and he hasnt to date and feels the way things are heading now that they are safe from hock. Swim has a late 90's German-made Sonor Sonic Plus 5 piece as well with Sabian and Zildjian shineez. They havent and will never see the door of a hock shop swim sez and I believe him. They are the only thing that swim has that can remind him of better days. All swims good tools are gone for his job and alot of other things swim thought he could live without and will have to now.

Swim's wife has a prescription for Lyrica which almost alieviates all withdrawl symptoms from the Oxy. Swim is grateful that atleast he will have his head on strait when he goes to his rehab appt. tomorrow. While in full withdrawal, which is what he would be in right now if it wasnt for the L., there is no way he would be able to even muster enough energy to get dressed much less leave the house and actually go somewhere. Detox hits swim hard, kills his appetite to where swim cant eat for days on end. Swim has lost 30 Lbs during all this sickness and is tired of shriveling up like a noodle. I know substituting drugs isnt good but the L., doesnt get swim high at all. It just helps swim feel normal which is a Godsend. The L. tho is for swim's wifes Fibro. which she needs and it doesnt help matters when swim helps her use it all up for detox. Swim is just glad he's not in full detox today and hopes that when entering rehab mon., soon they will have swim on something else and swm can leave swims wife's L. alone.

Thanks for listening

[ex-junkie]

yeah its not the best solution to take the wifes L. good to see swiy realizes this though. sounds like swiy is equipped mentally for a life change. it might not feel like it during detox, but there are some simple things to keep swiys mind in perspective.

take a little scrapbook with swiy. inside it put photos of happy times, pictures from magazines of things swiy would like to buy in the future (eg. snappy zildjian splash cymbal), verses cut out from old birthday cards/get well cards. in the back of the book write down swiys thoughts about why he wants to quit oxy. what he wants instead for his life.

then when shit starts to get tough in detox, go back to the scrap book and flip through it from beginning to end. the photos will make swiy smile, then swiy will flip past things he wants, nice uplifting verses, or letters from family/friends, then by the time swiy gets to the back of the book, he will have all the reasons he wanted to quit. all the downsides of the addiction as a gentle, yet realistic reminder in a time where hes not thinking too straight.

swim did her detox at home, so everytime she left the house she took her little book with her. it worked wonders. doesnt need to be huge. swiy doesnt need to do this, but swim thought shed mention it as it helped her a great deal.

she also kept a separate book for jotting down her thoughts, no matter how ludicrous at the time. she keeps it to remind herself of why she doesnt want to go back there, and it really is a put off when you read it.

happy to listen. am often checking back here in case someone like swiy turns up. wishing you good thoughts.

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim once again thnanks Swiy. Swim was so happy when he first started taking his drugs cuz it seemed like it made him better at what he did. His performance on the job actually did get better for a while as well as other things began to diminish like his interest in music. It has also affected his personal things in a negative manner but thats tmi. After a while his desire to work also came under fire and he found his excuse to be able to go home and be out of work so he could just stay home and do drugs all day without having any limits. That began his downward spiral into drug induced oblivion. The reason for being off work was his back injury but it also gave him the excuse he needed to do drugs 24/7. At first swim did constructive things at home but pretty soon the drugs lasted for a shorter and shorter amount of time. From 3 weeks to 2 weeks to 1 week so Swim began searching for stuff on the street to supliment his use. Thats where Swims hock shop adventure began. Pretty soon and as of up until a couple of days ago all of swims time is consumed with either figuring out how much stuff he has left or where and how he is going to get somemore. Pretty damn pathetic of swim. Swim doesnt get caught up in how bad he has been too much cuz swim gets smacked on the back of the head when he does it. It doesnt help mattters and only make swim want to get high and forget about all the bad things.

Swim is going to have a tough time staying clean tho because wife has to use swims doc. and will have it in thehouse all the time. Will be hard road for swim to not go on search missions while wife is at work and swims home alone. Swim hadnt thought about that........Geeze....One day at a time anyone? How about one hour at a time? swim says "ugggg"

[oxynomo]

Swiy should be careful about trading addictions ie: oxy for suboxone.If the Lyrica works for swims withdrawal ask Doc for it and maybe something non opiated for pain.Swim just went through the same situation with the oxy and swims Doc. was going to switch him to either hydros,methadone or subs.Swim wanted off the opies as he has no control himself.Swim did beat the oxy though it did take some effort.Also swiy may want to tell wife to keep her meds with her or some place where swiy can't get to them.Swim knows the urge to get to them won't go away easily or at all.Hope all goes well.o

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim thanks all for the replies. He does appriciate the insight into what has worked for Swiy's. Swim is scared shitless of a life without his drugs. Swim used to love his beers and his bowlz. Swim would drink maybe 6-8 beers every night after work and even more on the weekend. Added the bowlz to it and he would pass out every night on the couch wasted and then head to the bedroom around 4-5am to wake hungover for work every day. The weekends were worse and every Sunday swim hated life and hated Mondays even worse.

Once swim found his Oxys, he didnt touch his beers again or the bowlz. Swim thought that it was great that he didnt drink anymore because he was really concerned and wanted to quit but never could. He thought his drugz were great cuz they helped him quit. What he didnt realize is it was just a deal with the devil. A trade from one to another that was worse than he could ever imagine. Swim remembers nights on the couch waking up because he wasnt breathing. He thinks he had somewhat od'd. The really bad part was that he lived alone and there wasnt anyone to help him if he did od. Really a scary thought for Swim now that he thinks about it. Swim could have died several times but fortunately didnt. The only thing that saved swim was his bodys tolerance for the drug. It got to the point where he got too scared to do that much of the drug which is a good thing. Fear is instilled in the subconscious for a reason and he's thankful that it didnt get obliterated by the drug. Swim has always been fairly careful about how much he took at one time after those scary nights alone. Doesnt make Swims problem ok, just makes swim thankful he isnt dead.

Swim thanks you for your attention and your thoughts......

[kailey_elise]

Like someone else said, make sure she has them with her or whatever.

Also, I know the majority of pain clinics highly suggest that you keep your medications in a safe at home; perhaps she might want to invest in one? They aren't *too* expensive - she would need to make sure it isn't some flimsy one that's easily pried open with a screwdriver, though! Heh heh heh.

~Kailey

Originally Posted by AcMeKaNiK

...Swim is going to have a tough time staying clean tho because wife has to use swims doc. and will have it in thehouse all the time. Will be hard road for swim to not go on search missions while wife is at work and swims home alone. Swim hadnt thought about that........Geeze....One day at a time anyone? How about one hour at a time? swim says "ugggg"...

[AcMeKaNiK]

Swim once agian thanks swiy for responses. Swim went to his appt. at the rehab this morning. Boy was he let down. Swim cant afford the Sub program. Very expensive. Swims only alternative thats cheap enough is Methadone which swim didnt want to become a part of. Swim doesnt know what he is going to do and is mad that getting clean is coming down to having cash just like everything else in this f--in world. Swim is also pissed and is thinking that Comp should pay for swims cleanness since it was comp that basically turned Swim into an addict. Swim may have to stay on Oxy until his appt. with Pain Mang. until he can confront his doctor and see if he will prescribe the Sub. and then comp would have to pay for it. Swim isnt just making excuses for using, but he doesnt know what to do either since he doesnt have any money cuz he cant work cuz his back is f---ckd, cant support his family even anyway much less pay for a rehab program that is more than his wife makes anyways. Swim is upset and fustrated. I guess Swim must explore the Methadone program but swim has heard that the detox from Methadone can last for weeks adn that is a bit of agony that swim doesnt want a part of no matter if its a year from now or now or however long it is. Thanks for listening. Swim just needed to vent a bit.

[rokman nash]

My friend understands completely your situation. Remember there is no winner here, with the exception of the drug companies. Dave doesn't claim to have any answers, but will tell you this, You will be better off without the legal junk these company provides.

My friend as done pure heroin and oxycontin and could not tell the difference. These companies have an obligation to get you receptive to their wares. Once your there and you have an insurance policy, your their bitch for the duration.


Do what you have to do to live your life, but stay as far away as you can from these legal dealers of DEATH.

Good thoughts

[mnurse]

swim went to rehab for the last time 2 and half yrs ago and this after 3 previous tries.started with sleeping tabs and ended on pethidine. swim knows the feeling of really being sick and tired of living a life of either looking for, using or withdrawing from "medication".

swim knew that her life was heading toward a brick wall and so wanted to get off it all but at the same time, what type of life is a life without swims "meds"?? it sounded
terrifying!! swim used in order to function at work and in relationships and basically to get ANYTHING done...shopping, cleaning, cooking, socialising, studying....etc...

but swim was also just desperate for anything better than her present existence.and swim got just that and more!!

swim was put on subutex and only because of 3 previous relapses.
this was swims doctors decision which bothered swim as swim felt like a failure for not being as strong as her boyfriend who is clean off heroin including all other moodaltering chemicals for 3 yrs.
well,each person is unique and it worked and swim is on a stable daily dose without the use of anything else or alcohol, as well as working program of recovery. becoz swim is actually taking the same dose daily for past 2 and half yrs, the opiate effects are no longer felt.

swim now has a life!!

swim truly wishes the BEST of luck and swim knows how hard it is but also knows that IT DOES GET BETTER!!
and life will only be starting..

what helped in rehab was staying in the present at all times and not thinking of the future or the past and roping in the help of others and just taking each moment as it came.and things started slowly working themselves out.

swim is holding thumbs

[Mikeymc]

Take every negative memory, experience, take every tear its forced out of your body, turned into a force that will be so great you will truly be able to pull through this tough time....work as hard as your worked for that high, but work that hard to be sober....hold on to the thoughts of you the great worker, the great drummer, the great person...you will be surprised at the strength you will find, strength you will use....so many good wishes for you....

[cyndi]

Swim sure relates to your story. She wants her old life back too. Getting out of rehab is scary, make sure swiy follows his program and changes friends, places, and things. That is very important. Going to an old friend's house where you used is a definite trigger. Know all the triggers before leaving, and don't be alone. Being alone is the worst thing for addicts. The mind starts justifying and eventually swiy may relapse. Swiy will never be the same as before the drugs, but it is like life a learning experience. Good luck to him.

[ex-junkie]

if that plan fails, is there any way swiy can organize to pick up his oxy dose daily? you know, to minimize the harm of swiys situation...?

[Sib]

There are inpatient rehabs that will take you in for little or no cost, the salvation army run some.