Before I go to the Doc

[Akashik]

Swim would like some insight on his "situation" ( if thats the proper word)

Basically swim feels like every waking day of his life he is pissed off and confused and lazy. No exaggerations here.

Swim wants to know what he can do to cure himself of these negativities.

When swim wakes up , for the first few seconds ( maybe 10 ) he feels normal and happy ( 80% of the time ) and then a couple of seconds after he is bombarded with depression and or negative thoughts.
Thoughts that have no reason to be there. For example: Swim wakes up and says "ok im awake, i feel good, everything is fine" .... then outta nowere its like a black cloud comes over in swims mind and tells his that everything is fucked or not going to go good.... just pure negativity.
Swim realizes this and says " Wtf , why am i thinking this , its annoying, theres no reason i should be thinking like this"

But it continues and swim gets tired and lazy from all the damn negativity.
Swim tries really hard to battle it out in his head.
Swim is actually a pretty optamisitc guy naturally. ( even though he has negative thoughts ) Theres always room for hope. etc.

Anyways. Thats one part of swims problem. The other part is that he cannot commit to anything. Such as "the gym".
Swim goes for a week or two but then something comes up , such as a sickness ( cold , flu ) , it takes a while for him to recover and he loses energy and passion to go back. Or something else gets in the way such as another activity or chore and just pisses swim off were he doesnt want to do shit.

The mental weird part of this is that , swim thinks hes strong enough mentally but , those damn negative thoughts come and mess swim all up. For example, swim would wake up in the early morning ( round 6 am) to go to the gym because he doesnt want to see or be with other people while training cuz he doesnt want them to "judge" him. ( i know most of you might think WTF who cares what they think) but swim cares , but he doesnt want to ! lol. Its weird to explain this.

All this bullshit negativity that comes outta nowere is really starting to get in the way of swims life. He cant seem to focus and commit to anything and has no motivation.

Swim just "De-stressed" his life by getting rid of a whole bunch of problems.... aka financial and some worrying about pregnancy with his ex. Now its all done and solved , swim has payed off everything and shes not pregnant. But still swim cant seem to get his mind outta the damn gutter. No matter what he does.

All swim wants now is a fuckin cure,
Swim has been looking at alot of "Nootropics" and legal things to see if anything can help him properly and make it go away and stay away.
Swim has gone to his doc before but didnt explain everything to him, swim just said hes depressed and the doc just handed him a whole bunch of "Paxil" (Paroxetine). Swim didnt react to well to them after a 2 weeks, he go the paxil flu, sore throat ( felt like broken burning glass was in there) and fever and bad dreams. He stopped and it went away slowly, then tried a capsule again and again he got a major sore thoat etc. So no more paxil.

Swim wants something to stop all the negativity and judgemental thoughts he always gets. And to get his motivation back.

Swims been reading the nootropics and he cant understand shit. Everything is the same or slightly similar. And they all dont seem to exactly "work" , ( it might take time, might not be potent enough, not the right type ...etc...)

So what should swim tell his doctor? ( swim feels confused as shit again..)