Experiences - Insane Trip report: MDMA and LSD/Candyflip (please give feedback)

[Distorted Soul]

Hey guys ok this is swims first ever trip report. Swim did 3 pills of Ecstacy as well as about 500 micrograms of LSD. Swim was dancing at a rave in a circle of hardstyle dancers and all of a sudden swims world began tearing apart. This was about 30 minutes to an hour after ingestion of all chemicals at the same time. Swim had not eaten anything. Swim sat down and grabbed his friend and said take care of me, then swim went dark. Swim believes his subconsious took control of his body and that his conscious self became a prisoner of his own mind. (this is the hardest part for swim to recall accurately, only recently has swim been able to understand what the trip was about) He found himself in a demented version of the club. There were people around they would appear and disappear. The whole club was akin to what swim calls clownland or the loonybin...this was because swim felt he had blown his brain and was doomed to live the rest of his life on an "Omega fuck of all trips" There was a concept of what swim recalls as the "All that was, all that will be, will never be" or something of that nature. Essentially swim had to cope with the idea of death. He had to live out the rest of his existance, which ultimately led to a state of ego death, in this world. Swim had to deal with his personal demons, i.e. his drug use habit. He realize that he was living in his memories and had created this whole life that he had lived in his mind. That really he was dead in the "Real world" and by real world i mean that the real world we know is real swim thought he had created in his mind. Swim even thought that clubs were a creation of his own mind trying to cope with his death and that we exist as constant pre-death thoughts which seem to last for a lifetime. (right...swim said this would be confusing). Swim had to dance and the music of his life was playing. Everytime swim was sad, sad music would play and people would be dull and boring, walking around like zombies. Swim realizes now that while his body was dancing and having fun, that he was experiencing the feelings his body was going through and it was manifesting as this world. Swim was able to access memories of the night freely. by opening doors of perception, which were manifested as different dimensions. One second swim would be dancing to house music, then world would tear apart and swim would see himself in slow motion and as his body and the music sped up to what was "Hardcore Techno" swim zoomed into his body and took control.

That is the part of swims trip that he identifies as the easy part. The part where he was trying to come to terms with the fact that he was tripping and at every time he tried to escape the trip threw him into a different dimension and level of tripping.

Swim eventually got through this falling through of dimesions and began a looping phase. Swim could not escape this looping phase till he figured something out. Swim had to again hear the music of his life while trying to come to some idea of meaning behind is life, even though swim knew very well that what awaited him after this trip was surely certain death. Swim wrestled with ideas and one interesting part was when swim was close to discovering the meaning of life everyone started holding up stop signs and the music started speeding up from insane slow clowny dubstep to insanely fast music of doom, and swim was asking people to help, asking if he was supposed to keep thinking or stop...he felt he would die if he figured out the meaning of life. But then all of a sudden a "time is running out" style melody song started playing and swim had to start thinking again. Swim finally realized that it was a personal meaning of life that he had to achieve. But only after the song "the nobodies" by Manson was playing and swim realized he had never heard the song before but it meant that he felt he was a nobody and by clubbing he wanted to be somebody and that was why he does drugs. He finally came to the conclusion after being able to see his whole life from beginning to end all the pain and all the happiness that "NOTHING MATTER" life is about living to the best of your ability and that if there is something greater that eventually we will all know it when we are dead. But that right now, the only meaning of life is "FUN" ) . Swim then escaped that mini hell and was congratulated by everyone , and it turned out it was all a joke. Life is God's great joke. Oh swim forgot to mention that he was a million versions of himself in little rooms and it appeared that he was insane...doing some sort of vogue. He came to conclusion that "We are all insane". So swim was congratulated by everyone and told that his parents had put them up to it to get him to realize the damage he was doing to himself.

End of part 2 of the trip.

Now comes the real mind fuc*. Swims consciousness finally awoke to find himself sitting in what was a subway station. Swims 2 friends were with him, but swim did not know who they were. Swim thought he had died after the big joke of life ended. Swim was now in a spiritual realm. The world was drawn in crayon and swims friends were escorts to the next stage of existance which they did not know what it was. Just that they had orders to bring swim there. They as a recording states said " "Swim if you had one thing to say to all the ravers in the world what would it be" Swim had heard something akin to the fact that he had to relive through his life over and over and over again 100 times until he discovered the meaning of life again. And this act of living the life over and over again and discovering the meaning of life was Gods way of erasing swims memory and replacing his soul back on earth to redevelope again(the big joke of life) . Swim blurted out random words in between sobs."sob sob sob...life...sob sob sob...happiness...sob sob sob...love...scream sob sob.. joy" so on until the word "Fun came out" and swim yelled "were all insane" swim fell asleep for a couple of seconds on one of the angels shoulders after comforting words were uttered to him...Swim heard people saying "This is taking forever" thinking they meant it was taking forever for him to die because after hundreds of lives the amount of stuff you have to live through takes longer to erase(death).
Swim finally saw a train appear out of nowhere and was helped onto it. Swim yet again had to live through all the pain and misery as well as joy of his life. Swim felt like an old man on his death bed. With wisdom he had to impart to someone before dying.

End of Part 3

Swim died. And was reborn. Swim was now totally conscious and could not recall most of the events of the evening. Swim just knew he was meant to be here. That there was more after death. That he had no reason to fear death anymore. Swim felt lots of anguish though still and could recall that he had undergone immense emotional and spiritual pain. Swim had lost all his clothes and bags at the club and was half naked. Swim had no knowledge of self only of the world. He felt connected. He did not hate nor like anyone. He did not react to stimuli in any special way. Swim was pure. Swim was still under severe hallucinations the whole world was morphing and breathing and the patterns on walls and such were moving, the typical open eyed acid visuals times a billion. Swim normally just sees slight movement of patterns on floors and walls, but this time the whole world was alive. Swim finally got home after parting way with his friends and was confronted by his parents. Within 2 hours swim could not take the emotional pain anymore and began confiding in them. Swim began researching and talking to friends about his extreme experience, eventually swim discovered the idea of ego death after searching what swim went through and how he felt. Swim realized that he no longer existed as his old self, but that something new had taken hold. He did not refer to himself as “ I “ any longer. This sense of “ I “ or “swimself” was gone. He realized that what constituted him was for all intents and purposes dead.
For awhile he felt abandoned, realizing that he had died last night, he wondered why this body still had to walk the earth. Why had God abandoned it.

End of part 4. Take a second to breath because heres the greatest mindfuc* that Swim has ever created in his own mind. This is also the most recent understanding and still relatively hard to explain.

Swim upon recent study of his trip (about a month and a half after said trip) started to understand the true nature of his trip. He thought it was as simple as death, and the meaning of life. Shit the meaning of life is easy, its something that’s personal to us. What does life mean to you. That is the meaning of life.

If you swiy’zeez remember the movie the matrix. Think of that as well as the game black and white(the one about the God’s) as I tell you of swims realization. Just remember this is obviously not a proven theory in any way shape or form, swim does not even necessarily believe it, its just a fun and interesting concept.



Theres main principle of the trip that have to be remembered:

Inane asylum(thousands of swims and perceptions of swim)
God
Death
Life after death
Conscious
Theres others but swim cant think clearly enough to remember

Basically the easiest way to just outright blurt this is that we are all consciousnesses of a supreme being. We are parts of his existence.

I think therefore I am: Swim knows he exists but at the same time Swiy knows he exists, Almost as if one part of swims brain were to tell the other part of the brain hey, I exist.
This whole reality is nothing but a creation of his consciousness as part of his existence. We exist because he exists. Same way swim was part of his own brain and his own conscious self when he was tripping. All the people in the world swim created were parts of his existence.

They were visual representations of his conscious.

We are no more than the visual representations of our creators conscious and like parts of a well functioning brain, we know we exist and we do our part.

It is the matrix theory sort of,,,but times a billion.

When we die we are simply recycled and recreated as a new part of this beings conscious.
Hell dieing may even be some sort of emotion of this being. The rain may be him being sad, and so on. Everything is representative of this beings conscious and this universe constitutes him as a whole.

On further inspection, the idea of multiple universes and such can lend itself nicely to the idea of multiples of the beings being alive. Furthermore these beings could be part of the consciousness of an even greater set of beings…where the fuck does it end, still haven’t solved the issue of 1 sole creator but meh, swims idea is still pretty cool.

On another level we could be create our own little universes that constitute our own consciousness. Things that represent our personality and such, this swim discovered while on acid. Could not a part of our own beautiful mind which is yet to have shown its true potential, convince itself that it exists and is part of a universe and create this whole universe that lesser beings than us live in.

GAHH swims brain hurts. Swim thinks he should be in a mental institution lol but is instead at a place of higher education.

When the universe ends it is this supreme being dieing.

Also this idea of religion that we have is nothing more than a safety mechanism of this beings conscious and represents a way for us to feel content so as not to cause this being agitation. We are content, we do our job, we die, we are reborn.

Theres the effing joke of life ladies and gentleman, clap your hands together.

Oh one more funny thing “Bang your dead” when swim died in swims trip swim saw a gun…swim was holding it to my head, I pulled the trigger, and our popped a white flag that said bang… When swim was recovering the next day, swim kept on repeating, “Bang your dead” and holding swims fingers in the shape of a pistol to swims head and then crying.

Safe swimming swimmers. swim hopes to see some feedback and thoughts.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Thank you for sharing. Please be more careful when naming drugs next time. Other than that, interesting report.
	Good and deteailed trip report.

[Silentscream]

A very interesting and detailed report. I can relate to some parts of it; not being able to escape a loop until you figure something out is a common theme for swim!

However I am confused as to why you have posted the trip report in the LSD sub forum, when no LSD was consumed? Also 500 Micrograms of 2c-i or 2c-e is an inactive dose of either. Be careful next time and know what chemicals you are taking!

Best of luck for swiys future trips. I hope that swiy pieces himself back together and allows time to integrate the trip before the next one

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good correction. The drug-mixup could be dangerous or just make the thread useless, thanks for catching that.

[Distorted Soul]

Yea...swims fault he wasnt thinking...swim had it set in his mind that swim was gonna get 2c-e that night and instead got 500 mics of lsd...just still for some reason swim keep saying 2c-e or 2c-i ... though it wasnt that at all lol.

[Joe-(5-HTP)]

This was a fascinating read, not just because it is of such great interest but also because it sounds astoundingly similar to an extremely bad trip one of my friends had. For example, he was apparently trying to "figure out everything" as he put it but then the devil appeared and said "hah! nearly figured it out didn't you!" after which the universe apparently started falling apart because he was failing to figure it out. He also mentioned that there appeared to be music playing or sounds in general which reflected the situation he was in. He also mentioned dying and being reborn multiple times- and having to die horrible deaths repeatedly.

How did you feel after your bad trip- my friend had some short lived psychosis and then PTSD- but is almost 100% better now (6 months later).

My advise to you would be to not obsess too much about all of the "insights" about the world which you gained from your trip. A bad trip and all of the particular content of it is essentially the product of irrationality and imagination. My friend made things much worse for himself because he actually believed that what he had experienced on his bad trip- such as everything being controlled by machines or the devil deceiving him about everything- was real. 6 months later, he now realises that they weren't "insights" into the world: they were just insights into how powerful his imagination could be. Just remember that everything you saw, felt, believed, learnt and experienced in that bad trip was simply a product of your imagination and now you are back in the real world which is just the same as it was when you left it.

Bear that in mind; and you should be fine.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Your last paragraph contains wise words which everyone coming out of a bad trip should hear.

[Distorted Soul]

Great comment Joe, swim is very thankful. Swim noticed your thread on bad trips awhile ago and realized thats what his friends had to deal with when taking care of swim. To be honest Swim also suffered from severe psychosis and ptsd afterwards, but Swim is using this experience to his best ability. The experience gave swim the urge to live a better life, a more fuller life, and even a healthier one. Swim for awhile no longer feared death and still tries not to. Thanks to the trip swim now has the feeling of having already met his maker and can be free because of this. Swim does not obsess over the details in a bad way, its fun to think about exactly what you said, how far swims imagination was able to go, and what it was able to create. A good experienced tripper friend of swims asked him this one question the day after the trip. "Why do you feel the lsd took you to that place, why were you there". Swim feels that his mind had to battle some personal demons and that by doing so and even for awhile forgetting about the trip, was able to move on from a bad time in swims life, and move towards the next stage.

[Distorted Soul]

I just have a comment to say real quick for anyone reading swims trip report. LSD is the most amazing substance ever. I have been listening to some of the recordings of Ram Dass speaking...you can watch these on youtube. And everything swim learned from LSD, he has learned also, but had the intelligence to understand it even better than swim or most people. We dont truly know what LSD does but i would speculate that it can not cause people, especially never hearing the words of each other, to know the same things. LSD does not teach, theres no lessons embedded within its chemical makeup, it simply opens us up to learn. Swim had never heard Ram Dass' words before and never heard anything of a similar nature. Thus i maintain that LSD is the real deal. That the understanding of life achieved through use of lsd and in extreme cases, ego death, is truthfull in so far as that we can trust our minds. If you read swims trip report it pertains to us being the consciousness or awareness of what we call God. Ram Dass also spoke of this. He also spoke of how he watched his aunt on her death bed asking, "why do I feel all this pain, i was a good person". He watched her die slowly and as she was dying he watched something new emerge and present itself in her. This he states was the pain beating down the ego and allowing something magnificent to enter. Thus i believe through the use of LSD and ultimate Ego Death, we can achieve the wisdom and spirituality that only the dead know.

Furthermore, bad trips are not bad, they are good. I believe the word bad trip should be completely forgotten. Bad is a perspective, and if we have learned anything from lsd its that perspective is full of errors and that you have to transcend perspective to understand. We percieved the world and reality one way due to the way electrical signals are sent from our eyes to our brain and then translated, lsd shows us a completely new perspective, and actually in extreme cases helps us transcend all perspectives and just become one with the world, we no longer percieve it because we are part of it.

A "bad trip" can end with extreme insight. Swim used to do small amounts of lsd and would see pretty colors and think the world was amazing and that we are all one and blah blah blah. But it was'nt until swims bad trip that he truly learned what it was to be human and what life was, and the many other insights and only some of the most brilliant and spiritual people understand.

In conclusion, use LSD responsibly and with understanding. Yes it can be fun in small and even average doses, but it cant also be the most horrible and insightful experience of your life.

Decide what you want to do:
1. See pretty colors
2. Gain a vast understand of self and the world.

Personally im sick of swims friends always saying, lets do lsd and watch a funny movie or look at trippy videos. Look inward at yourself all the answers you seek are within you. have a good day guys.

[buzzman]

This in ways sound similier to SWIMS trip he had once taking a unknown substance (well he knew the name at the time) which only lasted 20 minutes. SWIM found himself in a loop, he was very fucked, he kept leaving the room only to find himself sat back in his chair again. He then had to realize the consequences of every movement he made, how it would effect the future and what it would destroy, from the carpet he walked on to the microscopic bugs in the carpet. He ended up talking to the news presenter on tv, who told him the room has taken the drug too, if you leave the room you will never end the trip, because the room is your subcouncious.

SWIM would love to know the name of this drug again, harsh but fun.

[Vitamin Airplane]

@Buzzman
That sounds kind of like a Salvia trip I once experienced.

SWIM will never mix LSD and MDMA again. That was one of the worst things SWIM and his friend ever tried. Several things contributed to the bad trip, but the short version is, during a heated debate amongst his friend's family, SWIM accidentally "snapped" and one of the dowels that separated the kitchen from the living room also snapped in his hand.
SWIM's friend freaked out and started beating him over the head with half of the dowel that used to separate the kitchen from the living room. SWIM was bleeding profusely from above his eye and left before the cops came. When SWIM got home, he realized that his friend's brand new truck was still parked there. (SWIM was the designated driver for the trip.) So, SWIM proceeded to jump up and down on the roof of friend's truck until it was a nice concave shape.

SWIM knows he over-reacted a bit, but then he had also been beaten with a pretty heavy stick and had blood all over his face, so he didn't feel it was out of line, really. SWIM had never been in a fight with his friend before. This was something that would never have happened if we weren't mixing psychedelics.

SWIM has never experience a loop...just psychopathic behavior from extreme excess. SWIM believes mixing psychedelic substances can be very bad. Arguably, that's what pushed Charlie Manson into his permanent psychosis. He was fine, before he started mixing them, wasn't he? (or at least not violent)

It took months, but SWIM and his friend's friendship survived the experience. Insurance paid for damage to friend's truck. Both friends wrote it off as a bad trip. SWIM has the scar above his eye to remind him never to try that again.