A different veiw on addiction and life...

[Riding The Wave]

Hello All!

I have been lurking on the boards here for a couple years, but today I feel like posting the story of a life-long friend named Pepe'.

Pepe is currently dependent on opiates although he is now on his fourth day without them. That will change, he does not intend to take this opportunity to springboard into sobriety... not by any stretch of the imagination. He was last using OC IRs (roxicodone) about a couple hundred mgs/day.

FYI- This is gonna get long.

Pepe is 33 years old. He started smoking cigarettes at 13 and weed and alcohol at 14. Around age 15 he started messing with LSD, opiates and muscle relaxers all the time becoming a raging alcoholic. I say raging cause he was filled with rage and by age 16 he was violent when not super-stoned. High School was a joke. Fukin retarded-ass ghetto-rats "teaching", but Pepe was smarter then most of them, especially in math. He also had problems with authority in other ways, breaking all the rules he butted heads with every authority figure and always found a way to do things his way... fuk the world. He got arrested a bunch for drug possession and alcohol underage, as well as trespassing, theft, and destruction of property. It was really just for shits, and not giving a shit, remember his motto"fuk 'em". Well things came to a head at school with a stupid-ass calculus teacher at the very start of grade 11. So, he changed to a small private school for his final two years and taught math to students and teacher alike after simply glancing at the new material and wrapping his mind around it... HIS way, not the books way. This is a key point in Pepe's life. He learned that his way worked and damn those that didn't agree. He got high marks, best in class (albeit a small one). Pepe smoked weed on the way to school. at lunch, and any other chance. Heavy drinking started after 3:00. Oh yeah, High School was a time of extreme LSD consumption... Aww YEAH... kids on acid. The favorite place to engage in these activities was in vehicles and in parking lots if there was no party house with parents out of town. So, one last summer blowout before college, but Pepe was scared to let go of his fun, social, prosperous (no job, get it) carefree life. But he did and went off to college (thats right boys, not university, we go to fukin college here).

Well to Pepe's surprise college was BETTER than the comfort of home. It was a playing field that he never knew existed. Mad drugs, off the chain parties, girls, girls, girls, and a huge market for any and all drugs especially high grade weed, LSD (hugely profitable), and whatever else he dabbled in. Started a regular habit of alprazolam and cocaine. Don't forget, Pepe never forgot his first loves, with the exception of LSD and he did put the cigarettes down for good. Graduation took seven years, (with a 2.5 year break in the middle to party) but Pepe graduated with good marks with a business administration degree, majored in finance and banking. By then the scene had died down and new scenes seemed fukin gay to Pepe. He kept his connections, but stepped back from the scene. He stopped (for a while)drinking, regular heavy use of drugs (cept weed), and womanizing and settled down with his long time "girlfriend" and started treating her great. They lived together and moved to a new town together, got married several years later and still are happily married.

Just before getting hitched the drinking went through the roof as did the alprazolam use, daily weed smoking never stopped. Pepe stopped drinking about five years ago and now is a very responsible social drinker and he smokes nice cigars in moderation... all still well under control after much prior abuse. Licked 'em, cleaned their clocks, his way, no urgency, no sense of a "problem", just did it cause it was unsustainable. He slowly moves into situations and slowly moves out when he feels like it.

So currently Pepe smokes weed and intends to continue for the foreseeable future. He also uses the alprazolam to sleep still, but he has been doing tons of opiates for the past three or four years. Started off with some percs or hydros, the he quickly discovered fentanyl, oxy (w/o apap), morphine, methadone, dilaudid, and the like. He was on a ton of methadone for about a year or more, after turning to it to avoid the roller-coaster ride of the other opiates, but then he realized that that was not sustainable AT ALL. So he stopped and went without opiates for a while, but it didn't last long. The ocycodone was just so great. He has been using it for a while now and is very dependent on it, and sees that it ain't gonna last either, but as with everything else he will deal with it his way. He has this ability to gain understanding and over time let it become hard-wired into his brain. He then behaves accordingly, automatically, without forcing anything. No good angel, bad angel shit for him. He can relate tho. He has heard the voices, felt the conflicting urges and that really pisses him off.

He has once again found himself at a cross roads. How will the dependence battle it out with the good sense that always wins? It never has been a conscience effort to stop anything except smoking cigarettes. That was very similar to the situation now. He will stop when he fukin wants to, but no dam cigarette or fukin dope is gonna run this life. Stopping smoking was somewhat of an effort, but really he was just pissed and knew it was gonna come to an end and it was time.

Well, he knows the same thing now about opiates. Whether you got your favorite or not becomes a non-issue when the cravings begin. You just gotta get yer head right. Fuk, that pisses him off! The natural migration away from opiates will and in fact is happening. Maybe he is just older and this shit takes longer, but he is sticking to his guns. He will not fall into the self-pity, woe-is-me bullshit. It ain't that hard. Plenty of people stop all the time. Hell, he gave up cigs and drinking slowly but surely, and he will take the only path that is sustainable at the end of the day. Remember he is saying all of this while having cut back his habit by 75% for some time now, on day 4 with nothing and it is all good, despite the symptoms, mind over matter biotches!

But you see for him it is different then most posters here. He tackles this issue his way, fuk the world and what they think. Fuk conventional wisdom. Pepe is the man. He can do anything. No substance will take him over. He will dance with the devil to the gates of hell, but decide to change the tune and bring his devils back with him to the real world, nothing but stronger for the experience. You know the saying... Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well, Pepe's enemies are close to him. There is always beer and liquor in the fridge and two humidors filled with the best cigars in the dining room and a box of poppy pods under the bed as well as a huge bottle of pills (or four) in the bathroom. By Gosh he will face off with every one of them on a daily basis and win and be able to enjoy and indulge from time-to-time, while staying on a healthy path.

Oh Yeah, in the past two years Pepe has gone from 250 lbs to 180 lbs and is right fit now. Food consumption can consume ones life if one lets it just as bad as any other "addiction".

Pepe does not think of overeating, over=drinking, over=smoking or the like and he is on the same track with opies, but you do pay the piper even if you are smart enough to spend little or nothing ($) or better on your drug of choice. Pepe pays his own way, no help, no fuss, no drama. Just fukin do the right thing. Learn from your experiences and let them mold who you are and WHAT YOU DO, not the external chemical influences.

Freedom 35