Social - How would you respond?

[MDBear]

So, a rather anti-drug friend just told SWIM that she left an old boyfriend because he was "a pretty heavy pot smoker".

SWIM was tempted to say, "what's his phone number? I could use a good connection", but thought better of it....

[Quagsign]

I think that it's fine if people don't won't to be surrounded by people who do something they aren't fond of themself.

She left because she didn't agree with him being a heavy pot smoker. At least she didn't degrade him directly by trying to get him to stop or giving him some kind of ultimatum, which many girls do.

But i'm not sure I understand what you mean by "what would you do". If I were the guy, I'd probably think about what I could do to keep both my bud and my girl.

[MDBear]

Originally Posted by Quagsign

But i'm not sure I understand what you mean by "what would you do". If I were the guy, I'd probably think about what I could do to keep both my bud and my girl.

No, I meant "how would SWIY have responded to my friend?"

[ollywithbeans]

She sounds like the type of girl who, if you point out a positive of smoking pot, would label you an addict and refuse to acknowledge any of your reasoning or arguments, and thusly swim would just leave her alone and let her eventually found out for herself how the world is and how her mistakes have had a direct impact on her life, and relationships, not only with partners but throughout society. She will most likely be horrified to learn of how common it is one day.

Was the fact he smoked pot the sole reason she gave for leaving him? If she didnt like the smell or such i'm sure there are ways around that. In fact if she fell for him before learning of his habit then swim would presume his habit formed the person he was and who she wanted to be with, and that her misconceptions ended the relationship for her.

[MDBear]

Originally Posted by ollywithbeans

Was the fact he smoked pot the sole reason she gave for leaving him? If she didnt like the smell or such i'm sure there are ways around that. In fact if she fell for him before learning of his habit then swim would presume his habit formed the person he was and who she wanted to be with, and that her misconceptions ended the relationship for her.

Well, that's difficult to say. She wasn't really discussing her new man, and listed one of the good things as "not into drugs". So I asked if her ex was, and she said he was a heavy pot smoker, and possibly into other drugs.

[DietBlonde]

SWIM has known people like this. Usually females dumping males. Usually because of habitual use. The pot always seemed like the scapegoat for a lazy, uncaring person.

SWIM once dated a girl in college who, after 1 1/2 years of dating, said that if she ever caught SWIM smoking marijuana, she'd leave him, no questions asked. Even one little puff. So SWIM had to be sneaky about smoking until he wizened up and dumped that tramp. No one is going to tell SWIM how to live his life!!!

[Nature Boy]

Seems a lot of men out there are getting dumped due to their pot habit. Word of advice: if you toke on, don't get serious with a woman who'll give out to you for it. It's pretty simple. Anyone who would make you choose can't be taken that seriously in the first place. People need to be accepted for who they are and sometimes a guy who likes to toke may be no different from a guy who follows a particular sports team. Avoid fussy old hens. They bleed every ounce of fun out of this lovely little world. PTAs are clogged full of them.

[Dragonus18]

pot helps SWIM be the awesome person he is today, and he
s sure that it helps many others the same, although, if pot is being abused, and the girlfriend feels as if he cares more about pot then her, and she doesn't like it, then what she did is understandable

[its just a ride]

swim would think it pretty shallow of your friend i mean if she dumped him because his pot smoking made him really lazy or somthing but as someone said before alot of times smoking pot gets turned into the skate goap for lazy if someone id a decent person and stuff swim would think it dosnt matter if they smoked pot or not kind of like drinking or smoking cigs but i suppose people want what they want

[SmokeRings]

SWIM wonders if OP is asking this because they are concerned about what their friend will think of them? SWIM is asking if OP smokes and is afraid/concerned what their friend will think of them?!

SWIM also would like to point out that it's not only "dudes" who have issue w/this. SWIM has had to be very upfront w/her smoking habits, like on the first date, because she smokes daily. Usually a guy is like "oh, it's cool" but then SWIM explains that she smokes daily and most of the time, that's the end of it, one date! haha SWIM explains to them that she does not intend to quit, so if it's an issue, then the guy should move along! SWIM, like the "boys" is not going to change who she is for some stupid man. Love SWIM for SWIM, or move right along! SWIM isn't ashamed of it, and pretty much everyone in her life is aware of her daily smoke habits.

Of course SWIM will admit she's somewhat of a hypocrite, as not everyone in her life knows about other drug use!

[MDBear]

Originally Posted by SmokeRings

SWIM wonders if OP is asking this because they are concerned about what their friend will think of them? SWIM is asking if OP smokes and is afraid/concerned what their friend will think of them?!

SWIM would prefer his friend that his friend not know he indulges in cannabis on occasion, yes.

She's a good friend of SWIM's, and they engage in "girl talk" about the men in their lives occasionally (SWIM is gay), but there are certain topics that would lead to unpleasant conversations, and SWIM's drug use is one of them.

[Master_Khan]

Love the attitude SmokeRings. Life is definitely too short to waste on squares. Swim is retired from burning trees, but will emerge from retirement toot sweet if the initiative to legalize Med MJ in NY is successful.

As far as somebody, anybody who discriminates against daily tokers, that is a big turn off for me. Narcs are a drag who needs em.

[Each Hit]

smokerings, swiy sounds like a cool girl. swim once dated a girl who smoked pretty often, though still not as much as swim's pothead self. it ended up not working out for different reasons, but it is definitely nice to have a girl who is up front about herself and doesn't mind her guy being the same way. if people would cut the bullshit, there would probably be a lot less wasted time in unhappy relationships.

swim's present partner doesn't like marijuana very much, but she has tried it with swim a few times (along with shrooms, lsd, mdma, and 2c-i; she's an experimenter ) and doesn't condemn him for partaking. swim voluntarily chooses not to go out on dates or other special occasions with her while high, and he thinks this is helpful in making his use more tolerable to a non-user. of course, every couple is different.

[Sky Walker]

To the original question, Billy Smarts would have said something like, "humm, that's too bad things didn't work out for you guys. Maybe you should give me his number, I could offer him some words of advice, I know what it's like to get locked in a heavy cycle of cannabis use, he could probably do with a sympathetic ear right now cuz after getting dumped he's going to wanna hit that bong pretty hard and it's a downward spiral from there, if he could just learn that moderation was the key, gimmie, I'll call him right now, later!" Then walk out the door arranging a rendezvous with swims new friend via prepaid cellular phone.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Funny and could really be effective!

[SmokeRings]

Understood 100% OP. As stated, SWIM is very open and vocal about her mj use to pretty much everyone (yes, even the CEO of her company) as she is a big advocate of legalization. Thinks there are a TON of uptight folks out there who if they would just take a hit or two would wonder why they bought the hype of the "drug war" on mj and all the ridiculous commericals and campaigns.
MJ could save marriages, sanity, employment, world peace...haha, ok world peace is stretching it to say the least, but SWIM is certain everyone is pickin' up what she's layin' down!
SWIM would never tell MOST about her use of meth. She's up at 6am now for a reason! Man-friend got worn out and is taking a nap break, if you get where SWIM is coming from! hehehe
Lots of the people who know about SWIMs mj habit don't smoke, and SWIM has made it a point to educate them and make them see through her eyes and life that it obviously isn't all that horrible. Most get it, she's not trying to change opinions, just gain some tolerance from non-users. SWIM is very successful and happy in her life, both financially and emotionally. Amazing how that works! SWIM is pretty certain mj helps curb her mental issues w/depression and anxiety. She went the doc/med route and that turned disasterous! (read former posts, all the way from praising to where she is now on the matter)
Meth however, has way too bad of a stigma, one of the worst and SWIM isn't even going to attempt to justify or educate on the use of it, as it is purely for amusement and GREAT sex! hehehe
SWIM thanks those who appreciate her approach w/dating and such, she would want the same from them, so why not just get the tough stuff out on the proverbial table right out of the shute! Life's too short to waste it on people who will never get it, who will say they are fine, but change their mind and try and change you. SWIM would rather be alone forever than either attempt to hide (like so many have on previous posts on DF) or stop using for someone.
SWIM has no intentions on having children, so the only one she's "hurting" (haha, hurting) is herself. She is just as functional and productive as a non-user. Break the barrier folks, educate those who are clueless. SWIMs not advocating attempting to get someone high for them to "get it", just TALK about it. God forbid people actually communicate, oh the HORROR!