Pushing Away The People You Love...after getting clean

[ex-junkie]

swim has been wondering why on earth it is that us swimmers do this. despite being clean from opiates since oct 2005, and clean from methamphetamines for 18 months, swim still has this trait.

its something swim tends to do when she needs these people the most.

does it come down to feeling like we're undeserved of love? is it a mirror of past abuse/bad experiences?

maybe other swimmers have some examples to share? maybe this thread will inspire some people to realize what theyre doing and make amends?

open discussion really...

swim finds herself pushing her boyfriend away, and really what it boils down to is somewhere wrapped up in her sordid past. swim doesnt understand why she does this, and often finds herself admitting to him that shes angry at him. only she doesnt know why she is angry at him. all the same the anger is there.

is swim losing the plot?


recently swim fell back into the cycle of major depression, and whilst she was stuck in her rut, she pushed away her mother as well. her mother offered to travel interstate to help swim get back on her feet, yet swim declined. this was really fucking stupid, because swim really needed somebody to help her get back on her feet. out of stubborness she declined, and luckily managed to get back onto her feet on her own.

weird.

Reputation Comments on this post:

great, thought provoking post. Thx