Opinions - SWIM doesn't know what to do with himself

[RoboShindo]

(This SWIM is the same as the SWIM who made the ketmaine, valium, alcohol and cannabis topic a few days ago)

SWIM doesn't do an exhaustive amount of K, until 4 days ago he hadn't touched it in about 4 weeks (only due to lack of supply, though), but then he got hold of three grams and has almost got through them by now. 2 nights ago, SWIM went out with his friends for a friends birthday, he took a small bump before going out and when he got back he was the most drunk he'd been in a long time. SWIM decided it was a good idea to take some K. SWIM remembers nothing after that, and all his friends were out, so they have nothing to tell him about what he did.

Anyway, SWIM woke up the next morning (yesterday) and it looked like he had been badly beaten. SWIM has cuts and bruises on his knees, a bad gash on his shoulder, elbows cut and bruised, he had a brused nose, a deep cut above his lip, another cut and bruise below and about four bruises down the right side of his face. He also has a bad bruise on the back of his head [SWIM is worried about that bruise. He feels slightly dizzy now and then and this is increased when that bruise is pressed down on, SWIM is worried this maybe concussion but isn't sure] SWIM also has a painful jaw and yesterday found it hard to eat.

SWIM sees all this as a bit of a wakeup call. SWIM does not hold the restraint to not do this when drunk but he doesn't really feel the need to stop. He doesn't consider himself addicted, just bored with life and in need of release. SWIM has given up ecstasy before because he knew saw it was having negative effects but with ketamine it just doesn't seem that simple. It's not like he craves it, he just likes to escape for a while. This occasion is the second particularly bad one in one a matter of days that SWIM has had. He told his friends he thinks he fell down the stairs whilst drunk. Part of SWIM is just ashamed of himself and what he has come to.

Please give SWIM your honest opinions of what you think to all this. SWIM really is confused right now.