Experiences - she doesn't like me

[mayaknoll]

i got to try ayahuasca two years ago and had a memorable time. i'm thinking of going back but during that trip she unmistakenably and unkindly told me to never come back. of course she does that after she spills all her wonderful secrets to me.
has anyone else ever had this experience?
i should mention that i took pure dmt with the vine, standard dose. i know that sasha shulgins wife had this same experience, and she did go back but was unable to make freinds. i'm thinking maybe if i go back better in mind and body i will be granted safe passage.

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	useful question
	Do not incriminate yourself please.

[psyche]

Please don't incriminate. Learn more about SWIM(someone who isn't me).

It's up to SWIY, really. SWIM has had couple of experiences that left him feeling that he isn't welcome anymore. He has done about 15-20 trips during the last two to three years, and it has been enlightening. But at some point it starts to feel unnecessary, the questions 'why I'm here again' pile up when there is no conflict in life, no reason to take it. At some point one might get a feeling that he has been able to integrate the experience into his heart, and memories are enough about ayahuasca. Maybe SWIY has gone to that phase. Or maybe it's just not for SWIY.

[Potter]

Ask Helikophis about the advisability of ignoring the instructions of plant spirits...

Remember, they can do Things to you, really horrible Things that can't simply be forgotten or ignored. Things that takes weeks if not months to clean out of you. Those plants send people to war for them, people die for them, enslave entire nations for them, don't think they care about us as individuals. She was kind enough to give you a polite warning, it is unlikely you will receive such courtesy again.

If you do, please PM me when you finish your report, I really would like to read it. I can't promise you I won't say "haw haw!" but it's not like you haven't been warned.

[helikophis]

Yes, SWIM had a similar experience after smoking Salvia divinorum. He had had fairly "normal" experiences with the sage in the past (normally abnormal maybe), at least typical ones. This time though, things were different. He took his hits, the twisting began, he found himself "out there," but quickly he came up against a wall. There wasn't any weirdness to be found out there this time, just a message. The message was very clear: "You don't belong here. Go back." He was then forcibly returned to his body, without any of the usual experiences of alien realities, without any insight on the question he had gone out to ask, and without the usual period of gradual re-orientation to the world. The whole experience was rather shocking, possibly more so than the alien realities SWIM had come to expect.

Despite the fact that SWIM was left with the distinct impression that he was meant not to attempt to return, he has purchased and attempted to use the sage a few times after this experience. None of those attempts have resulted in a "breakthrough", or really any results worth reporting. Essentially SWIM has decided to abandon his experiments with S. divinorum in favor of DMT. The modalities are very similar, but the residue of DMT is pure joy. For SWIM, the residue of the sage had always been terror. Some people seem to be able to get on with both medicines. Some report extraordinarily positive results from the sage. This just seems to be a rule of SWIM's life at this point; the sage is just not for him.

Perhaps he will try again at some other time. There is currently most of a gram of extract sitting in his bathroom cabinet. It was purchased on a whim, or rather on a compulsion. SWIM was walking past a smart shop in London while traveling, and found a sudden urge to go inside. After casually looking around for a few minutes, he saw the case of Salvia, and suddenly had to buy it. He wasn't sure why. He literally spent the last of his money on the herb. Although he knew he had a pay check coming in a few days, he had three more days of traveling left to do, and after buying the salvia, had only the money for a hot sausage inna bun (which he promptly purchased). Luckily the streets of London appear to be overflowing with food on the weekend. SWIM even found a whole (giant) avocado, just lying in the bushes along the road in Vauxhall. Anyway, he didn't try to smoke it (the sage, not the avocado), and hasn't yet, six months later.

Sorry if this is a bit off-topic (being about diviner's sage rather than DMT), but I think it fits the OP's question well enough.

SWIM thinks that it is possible that if SWIY goes back better in body and mind it may be acceptable. It's possible that SWIY was given an assignment which he is to complete before returning. It's also possible that SWIY really isn't welcome back, and it may be inviting unpleasantness to try again. Then again, remember the scene in Fight Club where the candidates stand on the porch? They are told again and again "you aren't welcome here. Go away. Don't come back." But the test is, will they persevere despite this treatment? Hope this helps! Good luck in the future.

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Sage wisdom

[mayaknoll]

thanks for the replies, i think i'm with helikophis and i'll just keep it in the shoebox till it calls. i was thinking it might be a common occurance with aya that is used to weed out the uninitiated, or if i just uncovered something dreadful in my own mind.. or if i'm just unwelcome i guess i'll find out