Why does someone choose cocaine over everything?

[Wyldeflower]

I've thought about that too. Everything seemed as good as it
gets, we rarely argued about anything, enjoyed talking to each other
and discussing everything. Almost. The times he took off he
never wanted to talk about, seemed to want to "sweep them under the
rug" and try to forget about it. His eyes would be downcast and
he would be evasive and act embarrassed telling me he couldn't talk
about it right then, could I wait until later? Later would never
come.



For example the last time he left everything was going extemely
well. It was my birthday weekend, we spent a lot of time
together, I thought we were very happy. Then I had to work late
on the laptop in my hotel room. He went out and brought in some
takeout food and we ate supper together. Around 8PM he told me he
was going to go have a few beers with a coworker staying in the same
hotel, told me he loved me and would be back in a few hours, kissed me
goodbye and left. He never came back. I went out the next
morning and the car was gone. I talked to the coworker and he
said he had never been talking to him at all. He wasn't answering
his cellphone and never called until around 6PM saying he was sorry, he
would be right over. When he showed up about an hour later he was
obviously all strung out and shaky. There was some white powder
stuck to his clothes.



This was typical with him, he would seem all happy, tell me he loved
me, then take off. I never had the feeling that there were other
women involved. I always felt it was all about the drugs.
What's going on with hanging around the sleazy ratholes I can't
imagine. Maybe like Motorhead says, that' all part of the excitement.



But then, I wonder, if he tried to lie to me about that, what else did
he lie about? Maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought.

[BrugmansiaBrujo]

Well, if you are going to split up, there is definitely a healing
process that you must go through. And it is best to pass through
that healing time completely before searching out another relationship.



I'm over my troubles. Neither of my two meth-girl relationships lasted
more than 3 years. My current one has lasted 16 years, and still
going strong. So I guess you could say she's a keeper. I
guess she'd say I'm a keeper too. She came from a similarly
troubles relationship before we met, except with her ex it was
alcoholism. I wound up raising flange-head's 3 kids for him,
because he wouldn't do it. He refused to visit with the kids
anywhere except in the bar, right next to the stool that had his name
on it. Needless to say, she didn't take them there to see him.



And yet, every once in a while, just briefly, I still think about the
old relationships, and wonder how it would have went without the drug
addiction interferring. But yea, I'm over it. Have to be for my
own sanity.



And the other thing you need to worry about, with him hanging around in
those seedy places, is hepatitis and AIDS. Are you sure he's not using
intravenously? Just sticking to the crack pipe? He could get
hepatitis or tuberculosis hanging around in those joints, even if not
using intravenously. Unclean things everywhere, and hanging
around in close proximity with other people surely not in the best of
health.



There is more than just your emotional health to worry about here.


Edited by: BrugmansiaBrujo

[Wyldeflower]

Well I talked to him on the phone. He called and wanted to see
me just before I was leaving (I am now on) a three week
cross country trip. To try and make a long story short I told him
I was going on the road for at least three weeks. That I am very
afraid for him and I can't go on this way because I can see a definite
pattern emerging with the situation rapidly deteriorating. He
agreed it is getting worse and he realizes it is a problem and admitted
that it he has done it again since I last saw him. Whatever we
did up about it up until now is not working.



I read this thread to him and the posts in the "how to quit meth" thread and I
could tell it scared him, but the time to pretend it is not so bad and
the problem will fix itself is over. I know all your comments all
made an impact on both of us and are helping us face many realities.



We will meet and try to get some resolution to this when I am back in
the area he is working in. I told him I couldn't give him any
answers or solutions because only he can know what will work for
him.



I don't know what else to do. I am glad I have to go away and
don't have to see him right away. I think this will all take
time, but I have time....(???)



Edited by: Wyldeflower