Why does someone choose cocaine over everything?

[Wyldeflower]

Hello. I haven't read every topic in this forum, but have seen
enough to realize that some very intelligent people post here from all
walks of life.



I am trying to understand how someone can basically sell their soul and choose cocaine over everything.



I have been with this man for almost nine years. We get along
fabulously and seldom disagree. We are in our late forties, we
have a beautiful house and an income property together and money in the
bank and stocks and bonds. We both have management jobs with a
major very successful company. He was recently promoted.



The only thing is, he will disappear about every month or month and a
half and go on a coke binge. He goes to very seedy areas and
associates with lowlifes that have stolen his banking card and ripped
him off for almost $3000.00 dollars before he realized his card was
gone and called the bank to have it frozen. He has taken out over
$800.00 dollars on our line of credit in a single night. The list
goes on and on. When he disappeared like that I was always so worried
that this time maybe one of those lowlifes had killed him for his
credit cards or something. One time he was gone for 2 days and
they found a body in the Bay where we live. I was so afraid it
was him but luckily it wasn't. Every time he is sorry and it is "the
last time". The next to "last time" when he came back he cried
like he was broken hearted and I really thought he had reached a
breakthough, I had never seen him like that. He seemed like he
genuinely doesn't want to do this. I gave him one more chance.



Well he blew it. It was about a month and a half after the time
before. We are working in a huge and dangerous city right now, and
almost 2 weeks ago I had to work late and around 8PM he told me he was
just going out for a few beers, and would be back in a couple of
hours. The next morning he still wasn't back. He had taken
the car and disappeared. All day I worried that maybe this time
maybe something really did happen to him and debated if I should call
the police and report him missing. He finally called me at 6PM
all strung out and sorry again. When he came back he lied to me
again, giving some lame excuse about where he had been. I kicked
him out.



Well enough is enough. I loved him very much but I can't take
this anymore. When I love someone, I am very loyal and it
takes a long time, but I will reach the point where I will walk
away. I just can't take the lying and worrying if he is dead or
alive. I haven't spoken to him again, I don't want to at this
point. I suppose we will have to at some point because if
anything we will have to discuss the dissolution of our assetts.



I am seeking some kind of insight as to how someone can behave this
way. He doesn't use coke every day, but can't resist doing this
every now and then. Should I have ended it long ago? Maybe
all those ultimatums rang hollow after awhile and he thought I would
put up with it forever.



Sadly I still love him, except for this we were best friends and things
couldn't be better. However I don't respect him or trust him
anymore, I am afraid it is over.



Can someone ever stop doing this, or was I fool to hang on for so long?