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hey whitespider...
just wanna say i know exactly how u feel, i used to be a lot like what u describe, ie i felt very self conscious all the time and felt like i did not have a real social life, and therefore was uncomfortable around people, its a bit of a viscious cycle.
ive pretty much got over that problem now in just a few years, maybe not entirely but now i rarely worry about it. now in no way am i advocating heavy drug use but over the past few years it seems the more drugs swim has done, (mainly weed and xtc) the better his social life has got. im not saying its a causal link but its food 4 thought.
my advice would be give the love pills another chance... swiy seems to be a lot more careful about getting the best experience and least danger from E tham swim was...which is a good thing. of course you cant expect a drug to cure your problems whatever they are but E could help. i love the way that on xtc swim feels entirely at ease talking to anyone. but swim would never actually describe the feeling as talkative or chatty and it is not the aggressive verbal diahorrea that alcohol gives people. swim just feels at ease, and incredibly open and honest. i think after trying E a few times swim did begin to remember, to a certain extent, how to be open and honest and relaxed, when sober.
also from swim's own experience at least this idea that the first time will always be the best is misleading... of course the first time you dont know what is coming so it will be unique in that respect but that is the same with any drug.
swim's fiirst 3 times got respectively better each time. the first time he made a few mistakes... 1)being incredibly pissed 2)being probably the only person in the club who was taking any and 3)being with people he would call friends but not really that close. although he still had a great time it was improved upon in a lot the future
swim's second time was better, he took 2 beans in a flat with close mates, and felt a LOT of empathy, and just felt great.
the 3rd time was swim's first psy-trance rave and if you have ever been to a psy-trance rave and taken E you wil understand why this was probably swim's best ever E experience.
after that swim went raving weekly and took ever increasing numbers of pills, and it was always great but started to get less great every time
but recently swim has once again had mind blowing experiences from small doses of pills, which do compare with the first few times. he achieved this by taking E at home with very close friends, in combination with some skunk. by changing set & setting swim has recaptured some of the magic of the first few experiences.
bottom line: i think 'set and setting' is far more important than how many times u have done X in the past. try a change of people or scenery. and dont necessarily wait til your life is perfect b4 u try Es again, cos it could help you on your way!
edit: i would not by the way advise dropping X on a weekly basis but swim doesn't practice what he preaches
safe
Last edited by dnb warrior; 20-04-2006 at 16:24.
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11-06-2005, 00:42
Edited by: sg43
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