SWIM needs some suggestions, badly....

[MarkyMayhem]

OK, quick backstory....
SWIM used heroin from 16-21, even moving cross country to get to a better/cheaper/stronger city for dope. Got on methadone @ 21, did speedballs and shot coke for a while on it. Then SWIM got run over by a car, was almost killed, gained 5 lbs of metal in his leg/hip and didn't walk for a year. SWIM ended up tapering down to 10mgs methadone, then to rehab, back to town, used dope 2 or 3 times, got on suboxone and got clean after about 5-6 months. SWIM was then clean from opiates for 2 years. SWIM even fell down 100' of stairs, broke a hip, got more metal, and a diluadud pump in the hospital, and didn't relapse. Then, some shit happened and SWIM replapsed. At this point in time, SWIM was running a business, and had a lot of savings, etc. SWIM didnt wanna loose all that, got on suboxone. worked OK for a year, then SWIM tried to taper, ended up using dope and suboxone for a year, more dope than suboxone. It wasn't working for SWIM, so SWIM got on Methadone again.

That's where SWIM is at now, on Methadone again since September. Hasn't had a clean drop the whole time. SWIM is using on top of the methadone. He's upped his dose to 80mgs, but can still get kind of a decent hit of dope over it. He's been using much dope over methadone, and now has a sort of double habit, and can't seem to go more than 2 days without doing dope over the methadone.

What's really got SWIM bothered, he's almost stone broke, just barely getting by, runnig his biz and taking in lots of money. SWIM almost lost his ass, had a huge $$ windfall, got out of the situation, and blew the rest on dope.

OK ok.. what's got SWIM REALLY REALLY bothered, is yesterday he didn't go to the clinic. Spent way to much on dope. and knows
SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE....

Just looking for some non-cliche words of encouragement, have you gone thru this, any ideas etc...

thanks for yer time

-M

[chillinwill]

SWIY's story sounds eerily similar to Red Rock's. He was on the same path of destruction that SWIY was on. He was using slightly over a gram a day of heroin and then got put on methadone for a while and then eventually switched over to Suboxone. Now he was still using while on the methadone and Suboxone and even though he couldn't get the full high from shooting up heroin that he was used to, he could still feel somewhat of a rush and got somewhat high. Then he discovered that he could use heroin and avoid the withdrawals by taking the Suboxone the next morning. He thought this was a miracle.

Eventually, he realized that the Suboxone wasn't keeping him clean so his doctor recommended that he switch to something called Vivitrol. This is an extended release once a month Naltrexone (opiate antagonist) shot designed for alcoholics but is used off label for opiate addicts. Since Naltrexone is an opiate antagonist, he helps with the withdrawal and cravings as well as completely blocking any opiate high if one decided to use opiates. The only problem with Vivitrol was that he had to be opiate free (including from heroin, methadone, and Suboxone) for 7-10 days in order to get on it or else he would be thrown into immediate withdrawal when the shot was given.

Now Red Rock is 10 months clean from all opiates and is still on Vivitrol. He thinks that Vivitrol would benefit SWIY since it seems like methadone and Suboxone are not really working and SWIY is still using heroin on top of them. Even if SWIY couldn't get on Vivitrol, there are Naltrexone pills that one can take every morning but the only disadvantage of them is that if someone wanted to get high, they could just skip their dose for a day or two. With Vivitrol, once one gets the shot, there is no way to skip a dose until the next month. Red Rock thinks SWIY could ask around the clinic or from their Suboxone doc and see if they have heard of this and if so, how does SWIY get on it.

Don't give up the hope man. Overcoming addiction is one of the hardest things to do and it can be done! Keep us updated on SWIY's progress

[thebige]

This would fall in the been through this ,any ideas catagory......................... Swim dosen't think he can suggest a treatment or med that you might have not tried at one point or another ......so swim can only offer this.
Swim has been in a similar spot ........minus the metal and ......some of the money.
He got his body screwed up at a similar point in his life and has to deal with a handful of physical pain because of it.After learning to cope with his lot in life,he realized that he needed to be on some medication to improve his ability to be physicaly active again.At the same time, swim enjoys the buzz..............
So where did that leave him...........Well it took a long time to for him to come to grips with the fact that they are two diffrent things (even though it sometimes seems that they go hand in hand with each other).
For swimayhem if he feels he is more concerned with getting high........then treat that for what it is,and ask for help with it ..............
If he feels that the underlieing problem is physical pain,swims doctor should be able to understand what is happening and treat accordingly.........
With all swim has on his plate,he may have depression(swim belives this to be another one of the bodys defense mech.).....caused by physical pain....leading to self treatment....getting high......and causing other problems....
Swim is not saying you have any of these problems,and can only relate what has happened to him.Swim dosen't belive given your circumstances that someone in the medical field would find this unreasonable and not offer you or steer you to getting the right course of treatment.
A treatment swim, his doctor,and family and friends can live with......
Even though swim is ultimately the only one that matters the most .........

[MarkyMayhem]

Let me clear up a few things, timeline and injury wise..
I was a heroin addict before I had the run-in with the car, and was on 60mgs methadone at the time. In the hospital, they gave me 360mgs a day for pain. Once I got out, I got SICK for a day, then went back to 60mgs / day, with no other pain killers at all. SWIM didn't walk for a year... SWIM has no insurance, and so never got physical therapy or even any sort of pain mgmt at all.
When SWIM broke his hip, he was clean from opiates, and so left the hospital with one script for "The weakest thing you've got, Doc, don't wanna get addicted" (Tylenol 3) Used said #3 only 3 times, then threw the rest out. Once again, no insurance, no physical therapy, no pain mgmt etc.

When SWIM got back on H [before the subs, the 1st relapse] he told himself it was from pain. and SWIM is/was in great pain! But it was for the high too...

SWIM had pain all thru the suboxone treatment, lots and lots of it.. until he started with the H again...

The methadone keeps SWIM's pain level pretty damn manageable, actually.. If SWIM could get on a pain mgmt place and not deal with the klinik, WOW that would rock...
BUT - SWIM feels that, at least right now, he needs to be supervised while drinking his daily dose, or he will double dose, or save doses, or not dose and do dope or whatever...

Ideally, SWIM would like to get a pain mgmt script for methadone, along with some oxy or something for breakthrough pain, but has no idea how to go about this with no insurance and little to no money...

SWIM does know he wants/HAS to stop the H, if only because of the money aspect of it.. SWIM's broke as hell, and makes a GOOD hourly wage, real good.. Plus, the H hardly does a thing over the methadone. SWIM did a shot today of 1/4g of pretty good white rock raw, and got a nice little rush - for a few minutes... And SWIM hadn't even dosed methadone in 48 hours. it just sucks, SWIM isn't getting jack shit hardly from his dope, and is STILL spending all kinds of $$... It's like fuck, SWIM should just get back on dope only... But then - SWIM remembers being sick, can't get ahold of the man, no $$, or whatever, and doesn't want to go thru that, no fucking way..

SWIM got a naltrexone script the very first time he went to rehab for opiates, those many moons ago... He took one while not quite clean, and was fit to DIE. fuck it was bad... And then SWIM couldn't STAND being on the shit, and just didn't take it.. It was like it blocked all the natural feel-good stuff going on, and made it HELL on earth for PAWS etc.

How's the vivitrol on you know, depleting natural opiates etc. ?
How much does it cost, ballpark?

I dunno how or if I could go cold turkey for 10 days or whatever to get on the shit though, I've never been able to make a cold turkey from anything unless physically locked up/down....

-m

[chillinwill]

Well Red Rock had just woken up this morning and apparently didn't comprehend the full message of what SWIY said because he didn't quite understand that SWIY needs pain management (weird as he comprehends it now he must have been half asleep still) but Naltrexone won't do shit for the pain management but will help in getting off opiates. It sounds like SWIY had a bad experience with the Naltrexone because they weren't clean when they took it and it will precipitate withdrawal if that happens. As for the natural feel good stuff, some people have said that it blocks the natural endorphins and such and Red Rock even went through a period of time on Vivitrol where he believed this. However, he has come to find out this isn't the case. He still gets the natural joys and pleasures of everyday life such as having sex, running, etc. Red Rock doesn't know all that much about the subject of pain management and what to do for that, but he does know if someone wants to come off opiates, Vivitrol has worked wonders for him. This is just for him though and it might not work for everyone else. If SWIY has more questions, please don't hesitate to ask

[MarkyMayhem]

SWIM's problem, I think, on some level anyway...
Is that the pain mgmt is just an excuse to get fucking HIGH...

SWIM really need to lay of the prscription speed and booze, I think..

I've noticed whenever SWIM gets feeling shitty from a hangover or being up for 3 days, he HAS to use to feel OK, ya know?

[ColdInCanada]

Originally Posted by MarkyMayhem

SWIM's problem, I think, on some level anyway...
Is that the pain mgmt is just an excuse to get fucking HIGH...

The distinction is pretty easy to blur. I'm struggling with the same issue right now. Trying to decide if I can learn to tolerate a certain level of pain without meds. Time will tell.

Good luck.

[MarkyMayhem]

Thing is, I KNOW I can tolerate the level of pain, I've done it before....

SWIM is REALLLLLLY bummed out today..
he just met a nice, smart, totally fucking stacked & sexy woman who for some reason really likes SWIM....
Well, the first night they were together, SWIM was so loaded on booze, he had whiskey dick....
The second night.. a) SWIM was uptight about the whiskey dick and b) SWIM's methadone pretty much kills his libido, he hasn't even jacked it for... months? and long story [ok, not so long..] short, nothing doin in SWIM's pants again...

Now, this woman made it pretty clear before we got together, no drug addicts..

So, today while she was sleeping, SWIM wrote her a letter, telling [most] everything, esp. the methadone..

and now SWIM hasn't heard a damn thing back...

Usualy, SWIM would say to SWIMself "Oh well fuck it get high"

But not today..... at least, not yet. So, SWIM is bummed out, and sober. yech.

But hell, that's life for most people, right?

[rocco_blitz]

Well Swim knows well what MAYHEM is going through along with many others. Swim is currently in mmt on a 110 mg a day dose of the cherry liquid,Swims problem is that while on mmt swim is pulled into this vicious cycle every other month on duragesic patch wich is 75 mcl,Swim has tried to apply them as prescribed but felt out of control,memory loss which in swims type of work this is a problem. Well one day Swim decides to drink the stuff knowing of the poor oralability of the fentanyl but found that he to now has created a bad self-inflicted new habit.Swim finds that after a month or so he's been out of fentanyl the first one is a great blast even with the mmt, But on the other hand as with other drugs this is like chasing a ghost cause swim never feels that euphoria that he does after being off fentanyl for a month or so. But anyway swim now feels that he needs an increase of methadone when he runs out of fentanyl. Swim thoughts were to ease off methadone by using fentanyl but found that the combo couldnt be beat...SUCH A VICIOUS CYCLE........................
' ITS A WAR ON THE PEOPLE NOT DRUGS'

[Spucky]

For "Pain-Managment" look at Google for "Vitamin D, Pain and Recovering"

Study`s showed that the Dose of Opiates/ Opioids can be minimize by
a strong Vitamin D. Supplement!
Also it works wonder in the Withdrawal!

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good call w/ the Vit/ D

[MarkyMayhem]

Thanks Spucky! That's one I haven't heard, I'm gonna check it out right now!

Oh yea, in case ANYONE were to give half a shit....
SWIM didn't get blown off by previously stated woman!
She said she had to "Think about this...." and her ex / childrens father is a hard ass undercover DEA motherfucker, and if he found out would aparently make my life and hers hell on earth. douchebag.
So SWIM'm thinking "OK, well, there's one to check off the list"
SWIM missed his phone, but she called, and sent a cutesy little txt message last night...
Yay!

[thebige]

Sometimes a good woman can be reson enough to clean up,and stay clean if she is worth it and from what you described she sounds like she is worth it....it's unreal how a woman can have that effect on a guy.........who needs rehab!

[MarkyMayhem]

Ha!
We'll see what happens....
SWIM never tried replacing dope with sex, but also doesn't know if he could HAVE enough sex, ya know?

[youdontknow]

Hey brotha man. Me an you have talked before and you gave me some advice so now ill try to do the same, though i dont know what i could tell you that you dont already know, ya know.

Ever since i got on the methadone (which by the way, i still havent seen you at the clinic?) ive been sober man, it just takes away my physical desire to use ya know, i still have a mental desire to use sometimes, but im not physically sick so i can handle it. Ive had two drops already, both of which were clean.

I dunno man, maybe you should go up on your dose, maybe at least a higher dose will give you a good feeling so you dont have to use dope, and then you wouldnt have a double habit ya know. Better to be on 200 mgs of done than 80 mgs plus 3 shot of dope a day man.

youdontknow added 1 Minutes and 55 Seconds later...

good to hear about the woman man. And the reason im cleaning up is for a woman too...maybe a pattern emerging there huh guys..?lol

youdontknow added 0 Minutes and 28 Seconds later...

Oh and marky, whs your counselor?