Journal - Going cold turkey today

[Mesaja]

So,i`ve read this forum for a while,and i`ve decided that share my story here.
I`m taking Tramadol for two years know,and i think i`m very addicted to it.
Every morning i woke up,and craving to take some right away,even before i eat anything.Its like,my life depends on this pills.
However,i felt realy good as soon as i take it,i`m very active,talkative etc.
But,this last days,i`m taking about 1000mgs/day,and it almost not working for me,the effects are so weak and it makes me all nervous.
So,i figured,this is because of my tolerance to it.
I want to get of this shit.
I doesnt changed my life pretty much,because its very cheap and easy to find(so i dont have to steal money to get it),but i dont wanna be addicted to anything.
I want my personal liberty of choosing how to live my life,and this addiction puts a limit on it.
This makes me very depressed.
Today i`ll go cold turkey.
The first day withdrawal from Tramadol is fucking awfull.
Its like,you dont have the will,neither the force to do anything.
But,i`ve been trough withdrawal once and made it clean for two monts,so i pretty much know how the things are going.
The first and the second day is the worst.
The third day,you get some releif,but its still hard.
Once the forth and the fifth day passes,you are 70% cured.
I have the will,and i wanna quit,but still,i`m a bit afraid,because of the pain.
My mom was always there for me,when i need her(she doesnt know about the addiction,so when i`m going through withdrawals,i`m telling her i`m sick,cause its almost the same simpthoms).
I saw some people on this forum get cured,and i wanna be to.
So,i`m hoping for the best.
peace

Reputation Comments on this post:

	very interesting post! swim is very interested in learning of the real negative effects of drugs, becasue there is so m...
	good luck

[AvidFan]

Well best of luck to you - let us know how it goes. Just a reminder that on this forum, it's safest to tell us what your friend is doing (SWIM is probably hard to translate!) rather than yourself, as it avoids getting into trouble

You can make it - from one of the ones that's made it (for two months, anyway!)

[Mesaja]

Thx for the tip,but i think i wont get in any kind of trouble,cause Tramadol is a legal substance,but whatever,i`ll use swim.
So swim is now about five hours into the withdrawals.
His feelin fine so far,no pain in the stomack.
I think that the pain(phisical addiction is not very much of a problem).
The real problem is in the cravings.
There is this moments,that swim just wanna go into the pharmacy acros the street,take the pills,and forget about this shit.
But i`m still hangin on,thats good probably.
Also,reading this forum helps swim alot.
Swim has Ketonal(for the stomack pain),and Persen(valeriana root based pills),to help me relax and have some sleep).
Swim just hopes his friend wont come around and bring him the pills.I dont know if i can resist that temtation.
The four day Hell is starting.

Mesaja added 115 Minutes and 9 Seconds later...

Hi forum.
Swim has relapsed.
Again...
And the worst part is, swim doesnt eve feel bad about it.
Actualy,swim is so happy his not into withdrawals anymore.
You know that feeling,when you are withdrawing,and just can take it anymore,so you go,take the shit,and in half an hour,you are experiencing that intence euphoric opiate hign,sitting in front of your PC, having a ciggarette(which feels so goooood,btw)and suddenly all the bullshit is away from you and you can concentrate on whatever you want...well, swim have that feeling right now.
And it feels even better when i write about it.
And even better when swims knows that his addiction costs only one euro a day,so swim doesnt have to spend alot of money on it.
Still,swims tappering the dose.
Today i took only 250mg,which compared to my regular dosage(1000mg),is very good.
Hope swims not a pain in the ass with all this posting,but i gotta write my thoughts somewhere,since they are to heavy to stay in my head.
Peace,forum.

[AvidFan]

Originally Posted by Mesaja

Hi forum.
Swim has relapsed.
Again...
And the worst part is, swim doesnt eve feel bad about it.
Actualy,swim is so happy his not into withdrawals anymore.
You know that feeling,when you are withdrawing,and just can take it anymore,so you go,take the shit,and in half an hour,you are experiencing that intence euphoric opiate hign,sitting in front of your PC, having a ciggarette(which feels so goooood,btw)and suddenly all the bullshit is away from you and you can concentrate on whatever you want...well, swim have that feeling right now.
And it feels even better when i write about it.
And even better when swims knows that his addiction costs only one euro a day,so swim doesnt have to spend alot of money on it.

Patient X did that many times with OXY - such a relief to relapse, and not have to try any more, just get back to "normal" and feel safe and well and whole again.

But look to what you wrote earlier and the reason for trying to quit in the first place - obiously opiates have a euphoric effect, but you reach a stage where you have to take them to feel normal, and that's the the danger point where you are indeed slave to the chemical. And X knows from experience, if you keep giving up and relapsing, you are in for a see saw of hey, this is great, aw, my tolerance is up again, it's not even working, better quit again - oh boy, this feels great after 3 days of withdrawal. ETC.

Have to dash but best of luck in what SWIY decides to do.

[Dickon]

Have you considered tapering down, rather than just going cold turkey? It might be easier.

Keep posting; we are here to help! It seems to me that you need to make a hard decision if you are actually going to quit.

Whatever you decide, all the best

Dickon

[Mesaja]

Swim decided to definetly listen for Dickon advice on tappering the dose first,than going cold turkey.
However,there is some interesting thing about his addiction,that swim would like to mention.
When Tramadol became prescribed medication(it was OTC for a long time),swim couldnt find it nowhere,so swim was forced to quit,there was no other option.
So swim quit.
Without any withdrawal simthoms,no craving,no pain.
After two days,i was a normal human being,not an addict.
Swim didnt even had the need for the pills.
The thing is,when i know i cant get any tramadol,is so much easier for me.
Swim doesnt have no need for it,because i know that i cant get any,no matter what i do,and swim must concentrate on other things in life.
When swim quit,he was clear for two months,making plans about his life,and feeling so happy.
He had about 50 grams of high quality weed(his real drug of choise),and enjoyed life so much.Those were very happy times,just knowing that ur not addicted to anything,and living your life whatever you like.
But sudenly,swim found out that there is a way to get the pills.
And outta nowhere,the need for it pops up.
In AvidFan`s words,the Bad Angel told me to take some,just recreationaly,just to feel that euphoric rush once again.
Next thing swim knows,two weeks later,he had the prescription for Tramadol in his hands,and the drug habbit back in his life,but still,he beleived the he can quit any time he want.
And maybe he could,as long as the doses were up to 400mgs a day.
But when he got above that number,he knew that he`s back in his old habbit,once again,this time with a presription and a right to take the med anytime he wants.
And he so did it.
Day after day,night after night,continiusly feeling the opiate rush.
Till one day,he discovered that,500mgs a day isnt enough anymore.
So he got to take more and more.
Good thing about Tramadol is that when tolerance is built-up,it tends to drop every time you dont take it,even for a day.
So,if 500mgs are not enough today,it will be more than enough the day after tommorow,if you skip one day intake.
But that way,you can constantly feel euphoric,and saying to yourself:U see,the same dose effects me so nice,i`m not that addicted.
But you are actualy...very deep.
Maybe i shouldnt complain this much,because from what i read,Tramadol is a weaker opiate from all the others(like codein,oxys or heroin),so my addiction is not so big of a deal compared to the other.
But still,its an addiction.

Mesaja added 1088 Minutes and 38 Seconds later...

Swim is happy today.
For one time,he is actualy realy tappering the dose.
Yesterday he took 500mg.
Today its only 150mg and feels very good.
Swims hoping that he will stay on this dosage for some time,without a need to increase it.

[Mesaja]

Hey.
Swim is in his first day of withdraval.
Turns out,tramadol is not so hard to quit after all.
Just a little bit of will power,and ofcourse,the most important thing,swim mentioned:
There is nowhere to find any.
Supllies of tramadol were cut down here,and no one sells it anymore.
This happened yesterday,so swim had no option but to quit.
And my god,its so easy now.
Swim doesnt even have a withrawal simthoms,cravings and things like that.
Today,swim got up,stated writing on his laptop,and he noticed that he dont need the pills,he feels just fine without.
Maybe its just the first day,but swim knows,(from experience),that if the first day is like this,quiting is very easy.
But,not to rush things up,swim will keep writing on his condition.
peace and love.

[youdontknow]

Yeah tapering is the best thing. Cold turkey has such a high relapse rate its pretty much just pointless.

And im not trying to make your addiction sound less-serious by saying this, because by all means its a real addiction, but just be glad its tramidol and not OC or dope man.

But good luck brotha man

[Mesaja]

Originally Posted by youdontknow

Yeah tapering is the best thing. Cold turkey has such a high relapse rate its pretty much just pointless.

And im not trying to make your addiction sound less-serious by saying this, because by all means its a real addiction, but just be glad its tramidol and not OC or dope man.

But good luck brotha man

I dont even wanna imagine how will that feel like,beleve me.

Mesaja added 197 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...

Swim is now at the end of day one.
He is generaly fine,even got out with his friends,and didnt touch any drugs,exept for some weed,but nothing opiate-like.
However,he do feels the fatique that comes with withdrawals,and his stomack hurts a bit(not something that cant be handled),but emotionaly and psychologicaly is good.
Swim knows that the second day will be easy to handle,because there are no cravings,but is a bit afraid about the third day,because the phisical simpthoms are gone by than,and the person thinks that its over,so its easy to relapse.
But,swim hopes non of that will happen,since he knows how bad is to be addicted to something.
Also,swims hopes that there will be no one around to offer him tramadol,and put him in temtation he cant,and propably wont resist.
Till tomorow.
Swim hopes that he will sleep some hours.
peace and love.

Mesaja added 941 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...

Half of day two withdrawal.
Phisical simpthoms are gone,swim almost doesnt feels the pain anymore,but the fatique is still here,and he can tell that the body is getting back to normal,but most of the GETTING OFF process is over.
Now,the hardest part comes:Staying off drugs.
Feeling the depresion that comes with this stage of withdrawal.
Swim dont wanna do anything,dont wanna talk,its kinda boring.
Swims afraid about tomorow,since he`ll have to go out and meet people.
Just hopes those people wont have any pills with them,the tempation will be huge.
Thats it for now.
Peacce

[youdontknow]

You said you hope no one is around to offer you tramidol.

In rehab and NA groups they tell you:

You HAVE to change PEOPLE, PLACE, AND THINGS.

Meaning you have to change the people youve been hanging out with, the places you usually hang out, and the things you usually do.

It seems like a drastic measure but not doing those things almost guarantees relapse.

[gmeziscool2354]

yeah bud, try listening to dickon, he is one of this boards best members. he knows what he is talking about

[Mesaja]

OK,thanks for the advice,and swim actualy did that today.
He hung out with people,and the only drug present was cannabis,nothing more.
Swim knows that he got to change the habbits,and the people around him,but thats not very easy.
Anyway,this is almost the end of the second day,and writting here about this crappy period of his life called withdrawals is becoming a habbit,a healthy one he supose.
He took some anti-inflamatory non-steriodial drug(called Ketonal),a this helped him alot,and dont know why,but swim feels almost normal at this point.
Reading the other threads about about opiate addiction,swim is feeling like a fuckin pussy whiming about this on a public forum,cause compared to the others this looks like not so big of a deal,but anyway,its always nice to write somewhere how fucked up your live is,and knowing ur gonna be heard.
And its nice to have a place to complain all you want,and know that you are not bothering anybody with your stupid junkey stories.
Come to think of it,swim fuckin loves this forum.
Its the only place he can write and tell about his addiction,and not be judged by anyone.
Thanks.
Write u later.
Peace.

[youdontknow]

Dont feel bad about it.

This forum for opiate addiction and support.

And your addicted to an opiate, and you need some support obviously.

So no sweat brotha man

[rokman nash]

Swims not a pussy,just admitting that there is a problem,is a huge step.Swim can whine all he wants if that's what it takes to keep him focussed.

keep fighting good thoughts

[chillinwill]

Red Rock just saw this thread and don't know why he hasn't seen it before but anyways he is just going to offer some quick advice before he has to go to class and then he will post some more. It doesn't matter what kind of opiate one is taking....Withdrawal is a horrible process to have to go through. Red Rock used this forum to remain clean after he stopped using heroin by writing his feelings and thoughts on here kinda like what SWIY is doing. He also used this forum to help others going through the withdrawal and addiction cycle and this worked wonders for him; more so than anything else he has ever tried. If SWIY finds it helpful to write on here about how their feeling or the process, then by all means keep it up! Do whatever it takes to get and stay clean!

Red Rock will post more later but keep fighting the battle!

[Mesaja]

Thx for the support Red Rock.
Swim would like to hear from you again on this thread.
Its the fourth day now,and its not so hard from now on.
Only some depression now and than,but nothing major.
Swim is not feeling normal yet,but manages to stay out of trouble and living the day day hour to hour.
He is going out of town tomorow,in a small village and maybe he wont have access to the internet,but feels that countryside is best for him right now,as he likes the nature very much...that will propably help him regain his energy.
He`ll write on the forum as soon as he comes home.
So far,so good.
peace and love.