Helping friend addicted to meth

[KezMak]

Hi guys,

Hoping you can give swim some advice: swim’s good friend “Pete” is addicted to speed and ice – mostly injecting. Pete and swim started using speed recreationally about four years ago; at some stage the way they approached the use of amphetamines parted company. Pete uses every weekend and sometimes during the week. He has an advanced kidney disease which isn’t helped by the drugs* and he’s on immune suppressant medication as well as a high dose of cortisone and sometimes a diuretic as well. The drugs have caused Pete’s illness to return and he was hospitalised earlier last year when his kidneys failed. The trouble is, if Pete doesn’t get the drugs out of his system, their presence will be detected and swim is told Pete will be unlikely to get a kidney transplant if he needs one.
Pete wants to quit, but the trouble is this: he’s gay, and there’s a lot of ice and pills in the gay scene. He’s naturally very shy and getting on gay chatlines and meeting up with guys and scoring is pretty much the only way he knows. Swim feels as a straight woman, not sick, and not battling addiction, her advice is pretty lame, although it’s well meant. Swim doesn’t want Pete to feel he has to hide from her but at the same time swim doesn’t want to think she’s encouraged Pete’s addiction. Her gut feeling is that making sure as much as possible that Pete is safe and as healthy is the main thing (not sure how to manage this either, however).
What are SWIYs thoughts?

*Meaning speed/ice etc

[Dickon]

The following is a hypothetical situation, not to be believed or taken too seriously!....

I have some experience of amphetamines (the old fashioned kind, not methamphetamine, but they aren't all that different), and have injected them a fair bit along the way. I know how difficult they are to stop using, especially when injected. The rush is very intense, on a par with crack cocaine, and stimulants do really strange things to your brain. They induce a kind of madness and irrationality that is nothing like the relatively benign mental state induced by many other drugs including opiates.

Have you had the conversation with "Pete" yet about the kidneys? You say Pete wants to quit. How has this expressed itself? "I think I'd like to stop using some day" is a different thought from "I am utterly fucking sick of this. I am going to find a way to stop if it kills me." I imagine Pete is somewhere between the two, but often with drugs it takes reaching a state where the latter is closer to what is felt before the motivation to change is really there.

The idea that being gay makes it more difficult to quit is frankly absurd. If he's saying this, tell him it's an excuse and really won't wash. Although there is, as far as I know, a fairly hard core drug-using element to gay culture, surely this is only one aspect, and there must be places where he can socialise without feeling pressured into using drugs.

If this is as you say, all he knows, maybe it's time he learnt some new things! He's very unlikely to quit if he spends all his time around people taking drugs. Addiction is a difficult enemy to fight, and it requires drastic measures, and a reassessment of current life-style. It can be scary, and he might need some professional help.

One idea, assuming you've got the time and are sufficiently good friends would be to encourage him not to use in the week, and for one weekend plan something you could do together. As, from what you say, he's still using mostly at weekends, it might be good to try to break the cycle. That way, you might get Pete to go for 10-12 days without using. At the end of which, maybe he'd be more clear-headed, and you could talk to him seriously about the kidney situation. If a transplant is likely to be needed, and he won't get one unless he stops and he wont stop, you are dealing with a true case of addiction.

Your power in such a situation is limited by the willingness of the person you intend to help. What sort of help do you think you might be able to give?

Dickon

[Ilsa]

Dickon pretty much covered it, but i will say that there are some very hard-partying types in that particular scene--more so than elsewhere really. but there are also openly gay communities that are way more constructive and positive. as with ANY addict, it's all about social surroundings and if your friend really wants to quit (and it sounds like he needs to) he need to get away from those kinds of ppl, gay or not. it's a lifestyle change and an emotional and social overhaul. he MUST get away from the people and places that trigger his desire to use. First and foremost though, as Dr D mentioned, the cycle of use must be broken, so if you can feasibly get him away from everything for a couple of weeks, this will do several things to help him get clean:

1. prove to himself that he can go without
2. begin developing a new daily routine that does not involve the people, places or things that trigger him
3. provide him with time to really think hard about his priorities here--this situation sounds like it's on the verge of becoming very dire, if it isn't so already

i wish him all the best, keep us updated if you can and would like!

namaste.

[SmokeRings]

Good luck!
SWIMs family on both sides has a long and sorted history with substance abuse. SWIM is just gonig to be honest and tell you that unless Pete is truly ready to quit, there is NOTHING you can do or say to get him to quit. Addiction is a bitch.
Just don't beat YOURSELF up if he doesn't quit, you can be there for him as a friend, but it's ultimately up to him to choose if he wants to live or die.
SWIM also thinks the whole "because I'm gay" is the worst reason she's heard in a long time. Uh, is he stereotyping himself into "all gay people use drugs" that middle America so loves to believe? SWIM is going to agree with Dikon that it's just an excuse, addicts are FULL of excuses and reasons why, that's what SWIM tends to work our in her head when she is tweaked out of her mind. Those kinds of thought happen when you are laying in bed trying to catch a few hours of sleep!
You came to the right place for help, but unforunately SWIM thinks most will tell you the same thing. Pete will only sober up if HE wants to. You can be there for him as a friend, but also be weary of him taking things out on you, especially if he chooses to stop and start withdrawling. Not fun to do, not fun to be around either. SWIM suggests you start researching rehab facilities where you live and have a presentation of sorts for him regarding the places. That will not only show him that you ARE looking out for his best interests, but he also won't be able to quickly say "but I don't have anywhere to go, I'm gonig to have to look into that", great way to stop at least one of his many excuses!
SWIM could probably write a book titled "Addicts and the Excuses They Will Give You"! SWIM can certainly admit she's got about a million excuses ready to go at any time one is needed! lol