more of the same

[kaloochi]

Why is he finding it so hard to stop the opiates [mainly smak]. It's been about 26 years now, and although he isn't as bad, in some ways, as he was when he was a real hardcore street junkie, he's still taking heroin.
He'll spare you the details and history as much as possible but will tell you that he's on a suboxone script and is still using street gear.
The point of this post is to say how terribly desperate and despondant he feels. So fucking weak and dishonest and selfish cos his family think he's doing ok on the subs but he's not. He doesn't want to be addicted to this shit but can't seem to find the will or GUTS to stop. Why can't he just do it? He's detoxed countless times but here he is in the same boat once again. It all started when he was about 14, turn those numbers around [41] and that's how old he is now and he's still at it. He needs to turn his life around.
He knows there's no magic formula and doesn't really know why he's posting here tonight, or maybe he's hoping someone will reply with something eureka-ish or something completely mindblowing will happen next time he logs on and everything will fall nicely into place and the nightmare will end.

[rokman nash]

The nightmare cannot end w/o a lot of hard work on swims part.My friend cannot comprehend that amount of time,but know there is no easy way.Dave wishes there was a magic formula,but there is not.

Good luck ,good thoughts

[Dickon]

I'd just written a long post and then did something stupid so it's gone. <sigh>. Such is life. Let me think. I was saying that I'd approach this problem from the future, as it were. You say you have done detoxes before, but have not managed to stay clean. I'd try and look at why this is the case, because there's not a lot of point in doing a detox if you're going to simply pick up heroin again shortly afterwards.

You would almost certainly benefit from getting support. I think NA would be a really good thing for you, unless there is some strong reason why you'd not get on in it. When my cat cleaned up for the first time round, about 11 years ago, he went to a residential rehab and then got into NA. He stayed clean for about 2 years, and learnt a lot of valuable lessons. He later got another stretch of clean time of about 17 months, and again was going to NA, although he detoxed at home and for a few days at a friend's house. You've been using an awfully long time, and a rehab facility can be a really good breathings space and a chance to turn your life around. I don't know what the situation is now, but I found it quite easy to get funding, and get in fairly quickly, and I was really impressed by how nice the places were, especially where I first went, a place called Clouds. I was living in London at the time, so with luck, you might have a similar experience.

I also said, in my (far more eloquent and elucidatory!) first draft, that I'd advocate aiming to get off the buprenorphine (suboxone). My cat was never on this, but he was on methadone for years, and he never felt right. He quit using 200mg+ a day methadone a few months ago, and details can be found here: Screaming in the night air. Help emotional and technical for methadone withdrawal - Drugs Forum. There are other good threads on here, that are worth reading as they describe how various D.F. members have quit. Rokman, above, has a thread, Decent into oblivion, and there's Patient X's story by avid fan. They are easy to spot as they are in this section and are tagged by the prefix "journal".

Roc is right in saying that there will be a lot of hard work involved. But it can be rather fun, and certainly very fulfilling. OK, so a withdrawal is never a picnic, but, with the right attitude, it can be got through with a smile, or at least a grimace!

But it really is important to realise that although the first step is to quit the drugs, that is only a beginning. I will repeat (and you might find me saying this often if you hang about on DF!) that most people in the "addiction industry" say that getting clean is easy and staying clean is hard. Personally, I don't agree. [Try quitting 200mg methadone with one day of 100mg before hitting 0, and doing a concomitant benzodiazepine detox and then tell me staying clean is harder! Even this time round when my cat tapered and didn't quit benzos it had its moments]. That said, you have to stay clean far longer, and it's only in death that you can ever say you've succeeded! Twenty six years is a long time of using. I was at it for 20 years or so (with 3 1/2 off for good behaviour; by far the happiest ones), so I sort of know where your coming from.

I discovered a really good aftercare service where I live. So I get one-to-ones, relapse-prevention groups, I've started a little college course centred around addiction, and best of all I get free massages and reflexology, and auricular acupuncture. One thing I can say about England is that it does seem to have quite good things available to people getting off or trying to get off drugs.

There are a lot of us on here who have experience and might be able to help. If you're looking for a magic bullet there is always ibogaine, although it can be fatal. I've written a long post about detox methods, which you can find here: A how-to guide to opiate detoxification. - Drugs Forum. I don't know if that will be of any use.

Most importantly, you are not alone. Here's wishing you all the best! Get some support!

Dickon

[kaloochi]

Thanks for your replies. He has been to NA and never really got into it. Rehab isn't an option he could take even if he wanted to. He's been in 4 rehabs, two of which he completed. Like Clouds both of these were NA, Barley Wood and Promis.
Things changed a lot about 4 or 5 years ago on release from his last prison sentence, he started a subutex script and stuck to it for 2 1/2 years. He changed a lot in that time, started work and most importantly got to know his son who was 3 whom he didn't even know. He wanted off the subs because he didn't want to be dependent forever, so cleaned up and stayed clean for a good while. Clean from opiates, that is, which are definately his problem. He likes to smoke a joint and feels fine about that and has an occasional drink but is by no means a 'drinker' ( there lies the problem with NA) Until just over a year ago he 'picked up' as they say in NA.
Heroin is very devious, he'll sit there and think of all the reasons to stop and what's the right thing to do and know that whatever other problems he has in his life heroin is only making them worse and then use to cover those feelings up. He used this morning but hasn't tonight {took 3 8 ml suboxone} and is smoking a joint or two. He needs to level out and get stable on the subs again.

[Esmerelda]

Originally Posted by kaloochi

Thanks for your replies. He has been to NA and never really got into it.

Swie had a similar problem. It's defnitely helpful to have people around who are in the same position, but the thing that she found difficult about NA was all the assumptions. Whilst she acknowledges that there are a lot of commonalities between addicts, it bothered her that if she talked about a way in which she differed, it was taken to mean that she was still in denial.

After her second meeting she was talking with a couple of other members about a particular thing, and said, "that's not true of me - I've never been that way".
The person replied, "Oh don't worry - we all feel like that. We all come here thinking, 'I'm special, I'm different' You'll realise after a while that you're just the same."

I understand the rational, "look for the similarities, not the differences", but there often are differences, and they should be acknowledged where appropriate. We're individuals after all.

Anyway, rant over. I'm sure there are a lot of open minded NA members - Swie just finds it hard to shake off the bad feeling she now has about the group.

Anyway, rant over. Kaloochi - how are you doing? I really feel for you having read your posts.