Second attempt to get clean and can one use occasionally?

[brumbird]

Okay so about 1.5 months ago SWIM decided that his/her habit was getting out of control, it was no longer a pleasurable activity rather than a necessity and the quantity needed to cope was getting greater.

SWIM was off work with depression but still getting full pay so had £1k a month all of which went on H for him/her and their partner. (That is not counting the £500 from the partner which also pretty much all went on H). SWIM would wake up in the morning run over the foils from the night before, knock through the toot which often provided a bags worth of gear to keep him/her going until the evening when more could be purchased (which would usually be a teenth, between 2 people that lasted only the night)

Anyway with the help of some clonodine SWIM managed to stay clean for 10 days thinking this would be enough to be back at baseline and promised his/herself a treat 3 bags of 10/10 scabby gear to be precise. (Word of warning 10 days is NOT enough!!!!) This put SWIM back a couple of days, so in order to get a good night sleep for a new job SWIM had another couple of bags of the same stuff. Before SWIM knew it its a month later and usage became daily although not as high!

SWIM was very pissed off with themselves for letting it get to this state again! So SWIM is now on day 6 of withdrawal, ran out of clonodine on day 4 and only had to take 1 or 2 a day this time around as oppossed to the 6 or 8 on attempt 1.

SWIM is proud of themselves for this even though it is my second attempt because it has not been easy again, dealers have been ringing offering to tick SWIM if they dont have the money etc so temptation has been there throughout!

The problem is SWIM isnt sure he/she wants to stop completely, they just doesnt want it to become a problem again. Does anyone think it is possible to just use occassionaly?

This is just the rantings of someone trying to get through the day, Im sorry if I have bored with the story of my friend but writing this has given her something to focus on for the last half hour.