Craving methamphetamine even though I have never used it

[asystole]

This is pretty lame, but I feel the insatiable urge to do meth, AND I'VE NEVER EVEN TRIED IT BEFORE! Seriously, it's on my mind all the time. I work very long hours, and very unpredictable hours... on call 24/7 for 2 weeks at a time. We have to stay in the building for the entire 2 weeks, unless we get called out, so I have no energy whatsoever. Speed just seems like such an easy solution, but I know if I go down that road I'll go waaay down that road.


I dunno why I'm even posting this, it's just frustrating. We have to drive long distances when we get called out too... and it's highway driving. I've fallen asleep behind the wheel more times than I can count... not to mention the fact that you start to doze off and there are TONS of deer this time of year (and everything EXCEPT deer look like deer on the road when you're tired). I've tried every crappy herbal remedy there is, and ma-huang is hard to find, and was the only one that sort of works. Caffiene is crap. Ephedrine worked (I got 2 boxes while in the states) but I won't be getting that again any time soon...


I dunno. lol.