Journal - OMG I finally feel GOOD again!!!

[Gappa]

Day 19 off EVERYTHING and finally feel great again. I have converted to rather of a purist. That's what they call it in AA/NA when someone goes completely clean of all foreign substances. Excluding blood pressure meds and an antidepressant which are vital to my existence/health.
I actually started restoring my 69 Chevy tonight FULL of energy.
I am still going to meetings [AA] got a sponsor 2da and getting serious about working the steps.
I don't give a shit what anyone says... Those rooms are full of people who have MANY MANY MANY years of good honest clean sober time, and of that I am respectful. They wear their years like a badge of honor!
I have also started to experience a clarity of mind,body and soul I have not known since I was young.
I have suffered immensely along with a close few others who have been with me here on DF. You guys know who you are THANKS!!
My miracle has finally started to happen!!!

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Positive message, plus practical information about recovery.
	inspirational.. thanks

[Jasim]

Congratz! Swim loves the feeling of being clean, but usually doesn't have the willpower.

[Dickon]

Congratulations Gappa. I'm so glad you're through the yuckiness and are on the right side of the monkey-mash! I'm also glad you've found the 12-steps. You are doing 100% the right thing by going for total abstinence. I'm following the same path although I have so far forgone meetings. I think a lot of people miss the true pleasure of cleaning up because they have not tried a stretch of abstinence. It really helps with clarity of thought. I've started a new thread on NA, AA etc. in the generalised recovery and addiction section. I'd be interested to see what you think. It's an attempt to dispel some of the myths that are spread about on here about the 12-steps. It's called "Narcotics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous. About the 12 steps".

I spent several years going to, predominantly, NA meetings (feline section. I escorted that naughty cat!) and learnt an awful lot about recovery there, as well as making good friends and having laughs. That is not to say I don't have dificulties with the "NA message", but it is one of the best tools available for people who want to recover.

Right now, I am at my mother-in-laws, having driven 200-250 miles down to Atlanta, Georgia today, and almost wish I had the excuse of a meeting to go to to get out of the house! I find her dificult; and that's an understatement, but I've only got to survive until Sunday! Thinks: deep breaths; calm, happy thoughts! Same advice to you Gappa. Again, well done. The fellowships will give you the tools and support to make your short-term victory into a longer term one. Relapsing is the norm not the exception, and although I do not hold that "getting clean is easy, staying clean is hard", there's a lot more time of staying clean than getting clean, at least if you succeed. I'm really glad you're posting what's working for you. It's both useful and encouraging to others!

One huge positive side to being clean for me right now, I'm on day 75, is my relationship with my wife and son. I am so much more present. I've also been much better able to handle the really difficult situation with my uncle(-in-law) who's had a stroke; the reason we're in America. My father-in-law and former PhD supervisor is somewhat of a panic merchant, and it's funny that I am often the voice of calm. Dickon, calm! lol. Must be all that deep breathing (shhh....don't tell the phone companies! Oh no that's heavy breathing. Silly me)

Happy new year

Dickon

Reputation Comments on this post:

dickon is a total inspiration

[Gappa]

Dr D, my dear friend. I will not even consider relapse an option, it cannot be. What SWI Gappa has been through, I have looked the demon square in the eyes and almost paid with my life. WTF Atlanta Georgia??? Dickon you in the US now??

[Ilsa]

congratulations!! NA is a great tool (I have my points of contention, but it does work for ppl, or it wouldn't be around), and a great way to get that all-important support. but i preach to the choir. i am excited for you--getting to the point where one feels productive again is very rewarding. good for you!

i highly recommend Dr. D's thread--you may be aware of host of the points he makes, but i'm sure you could add something informative

[Gappa]

The great Dr's "Screaming" thread?????

[Ilsa]

oh, the one entitled "NA or not NA:..."

sorry

[Junket]

Originally Posted by Gappa

Dr D, my dear friend. I will not even consider relapse an option, it cannot be. What SWI Gappa has been through, I have looked the demon square in the eyes and almost paid with my life. WTF Atlanta Georgia??? Dickon you in the US now??

Congratulations. I'm very happy for you Gappa.

Swim had to face the demons too, and when you win its a victory beyond words. Swim is in the same boat as you where the word relapse doesn't even come to play.

I believe after a certain point one just realizes that its simply not worth it.

Good for you and stay strong

[Gappa]

The near death hospital visit was a rape beyond words! Not in a sexual sense but getting stung several hundred times with shots and IV's and being poked and prodded then having water thrown on you fun fun.
I have been posting HEAVILY in the "NA or not to NA" by dickon, Ilsa, have you followed it? I found it quite entertaining and enjoyable.

[Ilsa]

i haven't checked that one in a minute--still catching up from having been in california. i shall head over there now though...glad you've made it through the scary stuff, well done

[witchychick]

Originally Posted by Gappa

Day 19 off EVERYTHING and finally feel great again. I have converted to rather of a purist. That's what they call it in AA/NA when someone goes completely clean of all foreign substances. Excluding blood pressure meds and an antidepressant which are vital to my existence/health.
I actually started restoring my 69 Chevy tonight FULL of energy.
I am still going to meetings [AA] got a sponsor 2da and getting serious about working the steps.
I don't give a shit what anyone says... Those rooms are full of people who have MANY MANY MANY years of good honest clean sober time, and of that I am respectful. They wear their years like a badge of honor!
I have also started to experience a clarity of mind,body and soul I have not known since I was young.
I have suffered immensely along with a close few others who have been with me here on DF. You guys know who you are THANKS!!
My miracle has finally started to happen!!!

gappa, truly.. well done on this ! swim too used NA for support and found the 12 steps to be a really emotional journey. i read the stories of other swiy's on here with amazement sometimes. for although swim has been clean from heroin since 1992, swim is now prescribed morphine for her illness and has had to do a lot of soul searching on this. swim still recognises her addict behaviours ( ie reading the cwe forums and drooling lol ) but swim also makes sure to focus on what is needed in the now ( swim is pregnant ) for swims health and her babys.
you have swims admiration and all wishes of strength as do others going through the same as you.

[ScorpioSunshine]

Swiy seems so happy and excited! Wow!

Swim is very happy for you! Awesome :=)

[chillinwill]

Congrats man....This is what its all about when getting clean. That wonderful feeling you feel after being clean for a certain amount of time and it only gets better. Keep up the good work!

[teddybearpicnics]

Swim is always glad to hear when someone makes a decision to get clean, some people need to go the route of complete abstinence from all substances. If that works for swigappa then that's a good thing, it is pretty much whatever works. Swim feels very torn about the N.A. program, but will not post about that in this thread, this is a victory lap for swigappa, even though he's not completely out of the weeds, it sure feels like it when your attitude is like his. So CONGRATS!

.teddy

[AvidFan]

Just adding a round of applause

According to Patient X, it gets even better too

[Gappa]

day 20, thanks and clean warm fuzzies to my inspiration from you all. Every day seems to get better and better. AA [I haven't been to NA again yet] is all they have here mostly.
This is an interesting story guys:
When SWIM was prepped to leave the hospital 10 days after his OD and detox, the social worker and the SWIMs Doc came to his room.
The Doctor wanted to put me into a voluntary State run prison/rehab work program for a year, AWAY FROM MY FAMILY! FUCK THAT! I was really pissed.
Now, the Social Worker really had her shit together, she knew every answer to every ? I asked her with paperwork and phone #s to boot... I asked her straight up what action SHE would see me take..
She gave me a few telephone #s and one in particular and said call him. I called right away.
No shit! within 40 minutes two guys from the AA/NA order were there in my hospital room and pulling for me to join. GET THAT two guys I never even met were there fighting the doctor for me to get into the program.
That's all this guy does is go to jails and hospitals pulling for them to join and get clean. He told me on the day of my release that 8 more ODs were coming in.
SWIM has been "high" and now he is clean. Clean is the only way to fly guys. Drugs really suck and have cost me so much $ and freedom and almost my own life. RR hang in there buddy. My prayers go out to all of you still fighting the suffering. Stay strong and it will pass, I never thought it would end but it finally did. S

[witchychick]

you are doing great !! it makes me happy