My daughter is addicted to crack

[horsepad]

Hi everyone,

4 months ago my daughter told me she was addicted to crack and unable to care for herself or her two girls. She asked me to take the girls for a month or two while she went into rehab and got her shit together. Since then she has been beat up by her boyfriend (he claimed she was having sex with his friends for crack), kicked out of her apartment, arrested a few times (numerous misdeamonor and felony charges), spent a few weeks in jail. The court said if she went into in patient rehab they would drop felony charges. She lasted one day in that rehab. Checked herself out and is now living with her dad and going to out patient rehab. She says she is not doing crack but yet she is selling personal items and her dad thinks she is buying booze (I think crack). Her numerous boyfriends having lengthy criminal records including drugs. She no longer tells me there last name so I can't obtain criminal records. Her dad believes she is not doing crack because she is drug tested. My son says it is very easy to pass a drug test because they tell you when you will be tested and crack only stays in the system a few days. Is this true? I am lost as to how I can help my daughter. Any suggestions/advice is greatly appreciated. Also, she resents me and seems to feel I "stole" her girls because I obtained full custody.

[flinky76]

Hello. It truly is a very difficult situation you find yourself in. smurfette's fiance's cousin was 17 year's old & had the same addiction. This little boy's dad was an addict & the two of them spent many many years smoking crack together. Although the little boy realised that being with his dad was bad for him, he just couldn't pull himself away from his father or the addiction. It took many years for this boy to finally pull himself away from the grip of his father & the crack & book himself in to rehab. He has subsequently finished 6 months of rehab & has only recently been re-introduced to society. Who is to tell where his path will take him from here, but ultimately the decision had to be his. Nothing anyone said or did in the past could change where he found himself, he ultimately made the decision to change himself. smurfette can only imagine as a mother it must be exceptionally hard for you, but sadly more than you have already done you cannot. smurfette does hope that your daughter will come to her senses, if just for the sake of her children. Stay strong horsepad, all good things are rewarded in time. Love and light.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	That is the truth. The person has to want to quit to have help work for them.
	good honest reply keep it up moog...

[youdontknow]

Damn. SWIM feels for you. Just know that she doesnt resent you, the person that she has become does. Shes no longer the person that you knew before. I know this because i am a recovering opiate addict. Most addict seem to have a split personality. The addict will do anything to get the fix, steal from family, lie, do whatever. Try not to take it personal and know that if she had any control over herself she wouldnt be doing the things shes doing to herself and her family. Because shes not stealing because she doesnt love or respect the person, shes doing it because shes an addict and has lost all self control of her drug use


As for the drug tests, not all places tell you when there going to test you. The rehab that i attend does it randomly. But either way if shes selling her things and stealing things to sell, shes probably still using.

The best thing to do would be for you and the whole family to just drop her completely. Cut off all ties and let her hit rock bottom. Then come back offering help.

I hope she gets through this and doesnt lose all her family in the process. This hits very close to home with me as im going through it right now too.

[Pope Albacore]

Love and patience. That is what you will need to deal with your daughter's addiction. Many of us know what this addiction is like from both your aspect and your daughter's. Sadly, you can not dictate her actions but you can remind her that there are people who depend on her.

SWIM was in the same situation(for the most part) that your daughter is currently in and he will tell you that if his family and loved ones had abandoned all hope on him, he would most likely not be here typing this now. She may be difficult and deceiving now but you are not dealing with just your daughter, you are also dealing with the drug. Try to stay involved everyday in her life. Remember that your daughter is still there. Don't give up.

Let her see that life is enjoyable again. Talk to her as a friend and daughter. Take her to job interviews. Spend time with she and her children. If the court has ordered the rehab, she needs to get back in. Her children should always be a reminder of what she needs to be. A mother, a friend, and a daughter.

What it all boils down to with an addict is this: They are only going to quit, when they want to quit. She needs to start anew. She has temporarily lost her way. Keep loving her, always.

-Pope Albacore

Reputation Comments on this post:

	This is the most outstanding advice I have heard in a while. Thank you!
	great advice

[flinky76]

Pope Albacore,

So very true. Fantastic advice pope! smurfette is truly moved by your honesty and sincerity.

[ai]

SWIM's been there. it's a tough thing to take out. she might actually WANT to quit but it's not called the devil's candy for nothing. it's tough.

with that said, the sad thing is, there is nothing you can do execpt not enable her. you have to let her hit a bottom and realize that it's not worth it.

what really helped SWIM stay clean was there was a point where I got tired of the consequences of using, and not using seemed like a better option. it takes a while to get there, that plato is different for some people than others.

best of luck

[isolampg]

I just wanted to leave a name of an organisation that helped my family through similar things as you are going through now.
"Families anonymous"
If you get the chance they might be worth looking up

It might not be for you, and that is ok. But it is worth a try.
Good luck, I am sorry your daughter is putting you through this right now.

[youdontknow]

What legend and AI said id right. They dont mean abandon her completely they just mean drop her for a month or two and let her hit rock bottom. By letting her stay around while shes stealing your just enabling her. Drop her for a month or two until she hits rock bottom. Ever heard the saying "an addict has to hit rock bottom before they can start recovering"? well its true.

[ex_crack_addict]

Well hey I was a full fledged crack addict for a stint. I'll be the first to tell you to begin from now on you should always quietly assume that your daughter is doing crack. Once you are an addict you are always an addict. I have personally watched an ex-addict clean for eight years slip back into full blown addition over the course of two weeks. You see crack is such an intense high that no other high matches it; all other highs will not be as good, usually not even close. I have heard stories of people chasing their first real hit (usually the best hit of your addiction) for sixteen years. In other words this is a highly addictive substance that will call your name the rest of your life. The only way I cleaned up was - my mom (who unknowingly saved my life) paid off all my debts and bought me a bus ticket to a different state where I could not find it. To this day I couldn't be around it with out doing it.

Look just know that many ex-addicts recall "seconds of clarity" where literally for split seconds we recognize we need to stop - some of us take action on this others do not. Just know most crack addicts cry for help but for one reason or another do not seek it (in my case I was simply too embarrassed to tell anyone what I was doing). You need to find a way to take you daughter away from the area all together so she loses her connects and is forced to come down. Beware however, unlike with most drugs your daughter will hardcore fiend through her entire come down so watch closely. Best of luck to you ...

[blackpen]

i can see ur going throu a hard time, but the truth is, no matter how much u want her to stop and how much u try to get her to stop, shes not gonna stop unless SHE wants to stop

my dad says that most addicts dont realise their addicts until they hit rock bottom, his brother was a heroin addict who died of aids, try telling her that and maybe shell see where shes going

try just telling her that if thats the kind of life she wants to live, theres nothing you can do to stop her, then tell her that you love her and your sad things had to turn out the way they did

it probably wudnt work unless her father did it too, but if he did then it wud make her feel alone, which might make her realise she needs to take control of her life, that no ones gonna do it for her. if u force resposibility on her, it may force her to be responsible

other then that theres not rly anything u can do, ur her mother but that doesnt mean u have mind control over her

but if shes able to go even a few days without crack, then shes probably just slightly addicted, so there may be hope

im sorry that this had to happen and i hope for the best

[lusterwings]

<3's heart goes out to you and your family. She is also going through a difficult time, and she has become a different person because of the drugs. I would seriously consider alternative treatments... I heard that DMT does the trick, but that was only because I heard something about it on NPR radio. Do a lot of research about it, because they seem to be using DMT treatments in other countries, and as far as I know, it works...

[anonuser30500]

My sympathy for your predicament.

Firstly, you ought to find some kind of support group, likely as not there are many grandmothers in your area who have custody of children of addicted siblings. It really is common, more so than people think. I know of MANY grandparents who raised children because of addiction. Heroin and crack the main illegal drug culprits but booze takes a lot of kids from their parents also.

As for trying to win your daughter back, others here have stated that a person addicted is NOT the same person you know. Take alcohol, we all know people change when in drink. It is impossible not to notice and its usually done in public. With crack its worse, as they are generally not 'in crack' (using it) they are looking to use it. Use is easily hidden.

As stated, chasing the high becomes the obsession. Nothing else matters when they are in this phase.

Do not despair though, because one thing your daughter has in her favour is a mum who loves her. I think the addicts more likely to succeed will need love to overcome the self hate which a crackhead or any addict who hurts people surely goes through?

Either way, someone on your side counts a lot. Even if you have to push them away for a while.

Maybe you could print this thread to show her you care and that people here who have been through this have come out intact. You care for the children until such a time as your daughter gets her life together.

I know a lot of kids who have had big disadvantages all their lives with addicted parents. The lucky ones have grandmothers and granddads or aunts and uncles and so on to care for them. The unlucky are either forgotten, live in nightmarish conditions or get sent to be adopted or put into care.

Keep lines of communication open, but bear in mind that with crack, or heroin (many crack users will use heroin also), sometimes you have to cut the apron strings for a while until they recover.

Even more so in your situation.

Your daughter needs treatment. Crack addiction IS a road to nowhere, but like any road, you can turn back or come off it. She is a mother, and that is the most important job in the world. That she can turn her back on it for crack is not a sign she is evil, just a sign of making stupid mistakes and letting things get out of control.

It is a true sign that crack is real bad news.

I hope she makes it.

Good luck.

[ai]

as long as the want to quit is there, she will eventuelly get there. it may not be on your time table or even hers, but as long as she honestly wants it, she will figure it out sooner or later.

[ex-junkie]

surely the more time she spends apart from her children, the more she should come to realize that she needs to fix up. if shes getting beaten up and locked up, then surely shes already hit rock bottom. after all she cant look after her kids.

shes lucky shes got you to look after them for her. i think all you can do at this point is to give your grandchildren the love and the care that they deserve. children dont understand addiction in the slightest. theres no way to explain it to them really. they sorta compare it to eating chocolate- eating chocolate is cool, and they like eating chocolate, and want to eat chocolate again. they dont understand the physical or psychological aspect of it.

worse still, if she doesnt fix up quick, her kids will grow up to hate her. im not sure if the kids are of age to understand, but if they are asking where mummy is, gently remind your daughter that she has kids who need her, and who are scared, lost, upset that shes not looking after them. kids see things so differently. they will see it as her rejecting them. knowing this could help her along in her recovery.

unfortunately shes got a long road ahead of her. sometimes it helps to pack up and move out to woop woop to escape the desire and the contacts.

hope youre coping alright. sounds like you need some support. dont shrug off counselling. there are many free services who can help you to deal with things on your end.

edit: this an old thread. i wonder how the OP is doing...