Journal - Relapsed...Moved on past the 18 month mark of recovery...Now what?

[chillinwill]

So Red Rock has been hanging out with some old friends lately (it's always the people, places, and things) and one of their friends came over and Red Rock caught a few needles on him and this triggered him greatly. So being the addict that he is, he asked dude if he did heroin and he said yeah and he had some. He ended up having a couple grams on him and Red Rock bought some off him. Now being over 8 months clean, he thought he would be fine in this type of situation and not relapse. Well he has been holding back on not telling this community this because he feels really ashamed of himself as he knows several people have looked up to him on here and he is most ashamed with himself though. Red Rock ended up shooting over 0.6g of heroin just like it was back in his old days except now, he has the naltrexone Vivitrol shot in him which caused him to not feel a great high. It also caused him to puke and feel shitty and not even enjoy a high.

So basically Red Rock did all of this for no enjoyment. What a load of shit. Anyways, he doesn't really know where to go now. He can't tell his parents of basically any of his really good friends what happened because he with either get kicked out of his house or these friends basically will abanden him because they told him if he fucked up one more time, that they have had it with him. The only people he feels like he can trust are the people on here as this feels like home to him and he just kinda doesn't know where to turn now. Luckily he doesn't have to put up with the withdrawals and all of that shit since it was a one time mistake and nothing else has happened since then (been about a week now). He knows he shouldn't have been hanging out with those old friends but one of the people he was hanging out with was his ex-girlfriend and basically he just wanted to get with her since it's been a little while since he has fucked. A guy has guy needs you know. Well this girl and Red Rock used to do heroin together and Red ROck thought it would be alright to be hanging with her since she is on methadone and not using. Well she is fine but not her friends.

But in all honestly, Red Rock knows he shouldn't even hang out with that crowd anymore as it's not worth it if it's going to cause him to relapse. Red Rock has WAYYYY to much going for him to risk losing such as going back to school in a month, many more freedoms by living at home than when he first came home 8 months ago when he was homeless and his parents took him in when he had nowhere to go. He really wishes he could be honest with him but knows if he does, then he will be kicked out immediately and that they only places he could go live are old associates that are still doing heroin.

Anyways, Red Rock just wanted to get any feedback/helpful hints, pointers, etc. He would really appreciate any help people have at this

Reputation Comments on this post:

Don't tell anyone, don't reset your timer, and take it for the educational experience it was. Looking at it as a test, y...