Addiction - OPIATE-ADDICTION GUIDE: MUST-READ....Are You HURTING or DESPERATE??

[Richard_smoker]

this is a little weird, and probably out of the ordinary for me. This should probably be moved--mods feel free to move it. But, I truly believe this topic belongs somewhere visible to all those searching for opiate-info because of reasons inherent to the drugs themselves. But, if it must be moved, I certainly understand.

Opiate Addiction is a very unusual animal. As most users know, this is a drug-class that makes addicts out of people who are "not drug addicts." I firmly believe this to be fact. And while SOME PEOPLE who are hooked are inevitably the "addictive-type" personality, I honestly believe that ANYONE can fall powerless to the lure of the opium poppy.

There are all kinds of posts in the opiate addiction thread regarding recipes for quitting, tapering schedules, personal accounts of quitting, issues about relapse, relapse-prevention, and lots of information on ways of quitting--rehab, 12 steps, AA, NA, Rational Recovery (this was my favorite--no religion, and NO MEETINGS!).

Additionally, there is a wealth of information regarding how to optimize the withdrawal process using various drugs, sedatives, clonidine, and plenty of tales of methadone & buprenorphine being used to end the repetitive intra-day cycles of addiction... followed by suggestions for getting off methadone & bupe. My best advice to anyone is to seek out and find a physician willing to help you. This should include buprenorphine therapy, clonidine or guanficine (if needed), and willingness to give you the time you need to make your own decisions regarding how long you'll stay on maintenaince, whether you really even need long-term treatment, and the reassurance that the dr will be there to help you anytime you experience withdrawal or cravings. TRUST. You will require it...

This post/thread is more of a culmination of ideas that I want to share with EVERYONE currently or previously addicted to heroin/opium/pod tea/oxy/hydro/kratom/whatever about SWIM's experience with recently kicking what amounts to an 8 year addiction to opiates. The last 2 years were on buprenorphine, but it was definitely abused, snorted, plugged, etc. and taken at rel high doses, 2-3 times/day, everyday (NOT recommended!).

Here is my list of NON-MEDICAL, NON-DRUG-RELATED, NON-VITAMIN, NON-SUPPLEMENT, NON-DIETARY CURES for your addiction. Please feel free to add, criticize, or ask questions.

• BEHAVIOR: your trying to essentially break a habit that is one of--if not THE MOST rewarding thing you've ever tried, on a neurological level. It is ABSOLUTELY VITAL to your success to begin NEW HABITS. healthy habits... This is like trying to push a school bus by yourself at first, but with each passing day, it gets easier and easier. Soon you will probably find that there are some things that you once took GREAT INTEREST in doing or learning and those passions will mysteriously begin creeping back into your life. Go with this.
• ENDORPHIN DEPLETION: If you're addicted to heroin, fentanyl, oxy, hydro, or any other opiate, this is what you've done to yourself by becoming addicted. Sparing the details, you've basically shut down your natural endorphin production. WHY? because the drug-high that you are kicking is simply synthetic endorphin.
  • EXERCISE: this is the quickest way to release endorphins... unfortunately, it can be like pulling teeth to really get that all-out "runner's high" on a consistent basis. The reason is because you still have a HIGH TOLERANCE for your natural endorphins.
  • SOLUTION?: Establish a daily habit of doing something active. Many people swear by yoga, but this might be impractical for some. The best rec, yoga or not, is to literally FORCE YOURSELF TO WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR! As I was told, just start walking--in any direction. The first 100 yards might seem like you're killing yourself, but then the next 1000 yards is EASY. TRUST ME. Repeat this every day, always choosing a new & different route when possible. soon enough, you'll be jogging 2 miles, considering joining a gym, and thinking about healthy 'highs' like sex. yes, even sex.
• REINFORCEMENT: It's already established that you've got an addictive personality. so, why not record all your thoughts in some form of a journal? this could be hand-written, typed, or even presented in the form of a blog. Subconsciously, you will begin to believe that you are no longer addicted. This takes a very short time to realize the powers this technique. Other very similar ideas include prayer, meditation, playing music and artistic endeavors.
• REACH OUT TO AS MANY LOVED ONES AS POSSIBLE: This is important, perhaps the MOST important step. your body/brain has forgotten the opiate effects that come from being loved and supported. For your own benefit and future peace of mind, i recommend using a forum such as this one to reach out. There are plenty of people here who have been there themselves and they LOVE helping people out of these rough times--if nothing else, it helps THEM to control their random, fleeting urges to ignorantly fall back into the junk. You will be experiencing a great variety of high's and low's during the detox process. Simply having someone to talk to about all your emotional and mental issues, worries, concerns, conflicts... this will bring you GREAT HOPE! Trust me on this. Frequently, just talking about a negative emotion will 'release' it from your own bundled energy field. Then, the replies, advise, comfort, reassurance, and awesome positive advices that you get back from your internet--drugs-forum-support-group will impart UNBELIEVABLE SELF-CONFIDENCE. Not only will you realize the importance of staying on course, but you will probably feel excited when you see how good and 'normal' these ex-junkies really feel. The sincerity in their tone will do WONDERS for treating the self-defeated, confused, alienated, exhausted feelings that characterize the first stages of detox. Another GREAT THING is that you will learn to trust your own feelings--and believe me, there is an EXHILARATING EUPHORIA that will creep up on you at the most random times of day or night during the first few weeks. IT'S OK to TRUST THIS FEELING AND LET IT CARRY YOU WHEREVER IT MAY!

Never forget that although at first you will find yourself focused obsessively on how you're FEELING inside your body. This can be nerve-wrecking, and it is essentially what MAKES US ADDICTS--our FEAR of Experiencing this SHIFT!!

Remember the following. Read these over and over when needed.

1. These negative, obsessive thoughts about how you "feel" are TEMPORARY! Soon enough you'll begin to find healthy outlets for a new energy, new passions, motivations, even hopes and dreams.
2. No matter HOW shitty you THINK YOU FEEL, as soon as you take your last dose (or begin a taper),Your BODY BEGINS REPAIRING ITSELF IMMEDIATELY back TO PERFECT HEALTH...
   1. i don't think there's ANY amount of heroin usage that will permanently alter your brain/mood/physiology.
   2. Sometimes it really helps for you to UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BODY IS HEALING ITSELF CONTINUOUSLY.
   3. THIS IS AUTOMATIC AND YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TO EVEN BELIEVE IT. IT JUST HAPPENS AUTOMATICALLY!
   4. Remember how long it took you to develop a raging addiction? Well, you can consider this as being your body recoiling after being "frozen" for a long time. Give it time to thaw.
   5. The restoration of your mental and emotional well-being is INEVITABLE.

Hope these tips help someone. These are the most important non-drug/non-supplement/non-dietary advices that I can give.

TRUST YOURSELF.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR EVERY WAY YOU'VE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE IN YOUR PAST. Remember, in the future, you are going to feel MUCH better, like a brand-new person!!! There's no time here for continuing to cycle downward in a slew of negative emotions like guilt, regrets, etc. EXPECT THESE TO MANIFEST THROUGHOUT THE FIRST MONTH OR SO! Best advice is to learn from your mistakes by admitting them to yourself (HONESTLY), if it's safe & you absolutely MUST apologize then call someone and tell them you're sorry... alternatively, you can reach out to someone-ELSE, or perform a 'random act of kindness.' Most importantly--FORGIVE YOURSELF. That's the old you anyways, the new-future you will thrive off your interactions with others.

You were blinded on dope.

That's what dope does and that's what it is used for--closing someone down to the realities of life and the outside world.

Coming BACK to reality is probably the most amazing feeling you've ever experienced... i couldn't believe how many aspects of my life i had allowed to deteriorate.

Soon enough, I was exploring my universe not because I was pushing myself or doing anything unnatural. I was simply using my nervous system as it was intended...and believe me, the rewards that I get from the world around me make all the dope in the world look like DEATH.

Even the temporary highs of opiates really have no comparision to the variety of beautiful moods, the depths of happiness, the rewards of creating, the boosted self-esteem that comes from KNOWING that you're doing something that you thought was IMPOSSIBLE for many years.

It might sound hokey or religious or nerdy, but my mind has developed in SO MANY DIRECTIONS since "plucking me head from me ass", that I have also embarked on a 'spiritual quest'--the last few days i've been reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead--and find it incredibly profound with a truth that only comes from seeing past labels, ending the lazy routine of making judgments by listening to another person's interpretations, and realizing that our amazing mental capacities did not appear in the 1900's as we westerners seem to think. These writings reveal a mastery of mind...a mastery of learning to live now and know...a master OVER negativity...and EVEN mastery over DEATH. It's like nothing I've even dreamed of before.

REMEMBER: I REFUSED TO ACCEPT GOD OR RELIGION IN ORDER TO QUIT. I had my reasons... mostly I felt like I had seen 'too much' to ever REALLY have faith in something hokey or unproven. I felt too intelligent. I think this may have something to do with the power of dope to numb someone down completely until there's nothing left but hungry dope-receptors...just a thought. but tbh, i've never really accepted organized religion, and still have my doubts...

TRUST ME: If you can figure out a way to quit, DO IT!!!! Even if you have kilos of pure heroin, free for life. Even if you have suffered absolutely no adverse effets from the drugs...TRUST ME that quitting will bring about a vast psychological/spiritual/metaphysical experience!

For me, this came in the form of DREAMS. Deep, meaningful, wild, unbelievable dreams that I kept track of in my journal. This was where I found my GOD... and although it seems like time is dragging on forever sometimes (at first), & sometimes these profound dreams can be very elusive (like sleep), THEY WILL COME!

YMMV, but I found myself having to get outa bed in the middle of the night several times and smoke a cigarette just to take in the significance of these revelations. My subconscious mind was more intellligent and powerful than i'd ever realized prior.

I literally re-experienced the ENTIRE GAMUT of emotional development in 2 months...I continue learning every day.

Sometimes I find myself overcome with emotion--sometimes crying like a baby--not because i'm upset. It's usually because I'm overwhelmed with beauty and love and HONESTLY feel like I've died, shed my old blinded life, and been RE-BORN!!

For those who are curious, swim started detox by conversion to buprenorphine (suboxone/subutex) which became a full-blown buprenorphine addiction (8-16mg daily, snorted, etc.) that lasted a little over 2 years. Coming off consisted of conscientious tapering, using a plan and a schedule... but I had no idea how long it might take to completely jump off. The taper lasted 2 long months. SWIM experienced real w/d symptoms every time he decreased his dose which would more or less resolve within 2 weeks--then, he'd drop the dose again. After doing this for 2 months, swim had been through pergutory, hell, self-loathing, suicidal ideations, despair, despondency, no motivation (to do do anything BUT quit), but these emotions very quickly began to fall off like rusted-out shackles. soon, i was shedding negativity and increasing my span of positive influence DAILY!!

Final quit date was Oct 22, 2008.

Any Relapses? Yes. Being sober makes one very productive as well as curious. I cleaned out every nook & cranny in my once-cluttered house. SWIM found some kratom and poppy pods that he didn't really think about as being 'opiates' because he never really found those 2 to be worth a shit...so he made tea from both. yes, he felt the opiates. yes, he repeated his actions later that day and into the night. But fortunately for him, he had someone to talk to about what he'd done, and this friend encouraged him to THROW AWAY THE KRATOM. THROW AWAY THE PODS. NOW. Apparently swim thought he could maybe maintain a 'tiny' or occasional habit. Luckily, the devil never made it past the back steps!! So, I never say that I'm perfect or that I will never use again---only that I would be a FOOL to give up what i have now. especially when i can still recall vividly lying on my couch for 8 weeks, shaking, cold, hot & wet, cramping, sick, mentally ill, disturbed, defeated, obsessed, and selfish...but enough of that.

I've managed to reconnect with many old friends and started making new ones. Fortunately, no one has tried to 'punish me' by treating me like I'd abandoned them for the last 8 years.

Instead, I feel welcomed and loved. At first, they will be very skeptical. You are, after all, a very unreliable person...Right? So, the consistency and diligence that you show by your actions will be unmistakable. The love that you feel for them and your new appreciation for LIFE will be addictive and they will show you love and support in return!

EVERYONE OUT THERE WHO IS HURTING!!!



PLEASE--EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT QUITTING OR ARE TOO SCARED TO EVEN CONSIDER IT... I WANT TO TALK TO YOU AND LISTEN! HONEST! SEND ME A P.M. NO NEED TO INCRIMINATE....TALK ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

THERE IS A PEACE & LOVE & JOY FOR LIFE THAT I'VE FOUND (without religion!!!) WHICH COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

YOU MUST KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE. YOU NEED AT LEAST 1 PERSON TO TRUST WHO WILL NEVER JUDGE YOU OR TREAT YOU LIKE THE WORLD ALREADY DOES.. In fact, I NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PAIN...

This offer is NOT really for you. it's for me.

p.s. as i said earlier--i dont' have all the answers. i.e. i don't even know if I believe in God.

Here's a quote that summarizes my position. It is a gem from my wife. Michelangelo's dying words, reportedly--after catalyzing a new era in Western culture, "Father of the Renaissance," master artist, scholar, genius, admired in his day by even the pope,"Ancora imparo..."

translated: "I am still learning..."

-DICK

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Good post
	jeeze
	mega rep points for you Dick....thanks for this comprehensive post
	great post, Dick. informative and compassionate. thanks, man.
	Good post, actually read it all
	A really good harm-reduction post (at least if anyone listens)! You'd get bonus marks for good formatting but that's not...

[Richard_smoker]

um, yes! that's it. wow.

i dunno how swim has overlooked this important idea/principle/philosophy/whatever for essentially his whole life!...?

i honestly believe that there might be some truth in the current theories on neurological development in adolescence being sensitive to disturbance by toxin-overload in otherwise still-formative years...

supposedly, when we're born, there are trillions and trillions of "extra" neurons that exist, in essence, over-populating the brain and nervous system... this is one explanation for the exponential growth of learning, coordination, behavior development, language and personality in such a relatively SHORT period of time. also--probably why it's so much easier to teach a young kid 2 or 3 languages (at the same time) rather than simply learning 1 language, then trying to bulldoze & memorize thru a 2nd or 3rd in high school or college.

so anyways, as the data shows, the neurons and circuits that are actually NEEDED and used by the child will be reinforced, and alternate pathways will develop connecting the same ideas, actions, behaviors, thoughts to each other (asymilation and organization of concrete thought which can later be abstracted into higher, less-literal thought).

As the child enters adolescence, the numbers of EXTRA neurons undergo a PRUNING process whereby trillions of unnecessary neurons and lifeless circuits are essentially killed off in favor of the healthy, existant circuitry that actually serves a purpose.

So, the theory with drug interference of neurological development states that if a child begins using drugs during this period that the pruning process is disturbed somehow. alcohol and neurotoxic drugs will influence the patterning of cell-death in such a way that supposedly leads to maladjusted thoughts and emotional disturbances as well as vastly increasing the likelihood of developing drug or alcohol addictions that carry over into and throughout adulthood.

it is my belief (from swim's experience) that prior to developing addictive patterns, he had experienced only selfish, self-centered, self-serving, self-oriented emotions... and thus, had been very successful in preventing others from disturbing his otherwise "happy" world.

Now, in reality, it appears that maybe the addiction simply DELAYED the inevitable conclusion that life can be LIVED being selfish and self-serving, but it cannot be ENJOYED to its fullest potential without utilizing the very principles that he spent most of his life discrediting--aka Christianity & other religions.

Take Christianity, for example. When Christ was cornered by questioners and forced to state what the most important commandment was, he basically said that we should LOVE.

suddenly, this concept is most intellectually and emotionally intriguing to me. the idea that one can deduce that wherever He/She/It is, and whatever His/Her/Its name is, God must therefore be Love, resonates with a certain distinction in my heart, mind & soul.

i'm still not totally convinced that this isn't some kind of 'estrogenic or progesterone-related overload' from swim's hormones still seeking their equilibrium-point without the drugs to continuously beat them back down.

if i remember correctly, the reason that opiates destroy one's sex drive is mostly due to some kind of relative testosterone deficiency that is brought on by an increased concentration of progesterone (pretty sure, but possibly estrogen is increased also). This causes a RELATIVE testosterone-deficiency--in other words, you still have testosterone, but you've got a whole lot more of this 'anti-sex' hormone tipping the balance.

since most of these changes are brought on by enzyme-loading brought on by the drug, it makes sense that it would take much longer to equilibrate fully than one's dopamine supply, nor-epinephrine, serotonin, and i'll bet that even the endorphin levels start coming back before the hormones regain normalcy.

I think we're at week 6 if this matters at all to anyone... perhaps we should consider adding a hormonal-equalizer to the current regiment for detoxing...something like a low-dose progesterone-blocker (don't know if this exists...), estrogen blocker (tamoxifen), aromatase-inhibitor (there are a few), or potentially a LH (leutenizing hormone) agonist like Clomiphene or HCG to stimulate the man-parts to speed up their race against the female parts... btw, all these drugs are used by bodybuilders and atheletes who do steroids in 'cycles.' These drugs all assist with PCT (post-cycle-therapy)---yep, little testicles, crying, feeling emotionally drained, etc.

Hope this doesn't discount or discredit anything i've said in this thread. I wouldn't personally change anything about my experience. Everything happened at its proper time, in its perfect sequence. I hope no one thinks i'm discrediting these thoughts by suggesting that they're caused by low testosterone. I am not. I have combined 2 topics into 1. Went from suggesting that i sounded like my wife, for example, when she tells me that she's feeling 'hormonal'---into a totally different topic, and that was regarding how to optimize the post-withdrawal experience...

perhaps someone should attempt a clinical trial of "PCT" in early-phase recovering addicts...then we'll KNOW how much benefit if any will be had from trying to alter the normal progression of things. (same logic as taking phenylalanine, vitamins, ALT, SSRI's, clonidine, etc for w/d)

just some thoughts...sorry they're so scattered. -DICK

[ihavequestions]

good info for steps to recovery. alot of the things SWIY mentioned in there post are the same principles for CBT (congnitive behavioral therapy). basicaly rewiring your brain. CBT is considered one of the most succesful (if not the most) in recovering from anxiety, depression, etc. so other swimmers may also want to check into CBT for addictions as swim is sure they must help.

Reputation Comments on this post:

cool...thanks.

[ScorpioSunshine]

Originally Posted by Richard_smoker

just some thoughts...sorry they're so scattered. -DICK

They're not! Keep them coming!!

[Richard_smoker]

hey--just an update...

still going strong on the no-opiate kick. --well, still not using, but maybe don't feel quite as strongly about the wonderfulness of being quit. THIS IS SIMPLY A TRICKY, DECEPTIVE FORM OF EMOTIONAL SABOTAGE!!

I will say that thoughts of using opiates have slowed down almost completely--maybe actually will CATCH myself thinking about them in some capacity once per day (and it has now been 4 months clean).

Another thing is that I'm beginning to re-think some of my initial conclusions about opiate-addiction being entirely separate beast from ADDICTION-addiction... There is obviously considerable overlap between the two. Anyone who has learned to extract their happiness COMPLETELY out of a repetitive, bizarre behavior like taking drugs is BOUND to be forever tormented by the eternal nature of learning on the mind's awareness, memory-assimilation and recall, and the mind-body link from neurotransmitters and hormones (i.e. serotonin-depletion = basic depression in normal people; in the recovered addict, serotonin-depletion will FEEL LIKE *NEED* for a DRUG! See?

Some people might be ok with just quitting opiates. Others might eventually prescribe to the total abstinence techniques of NA/AA/Rehab just to keep the guard up and boredom and mischief at bay.

Hope this helps. -DICK

[thebige]

Wow,another quality post from Sir RichardSmoker........but then did you ever expect anything less?
bige has had to read your post a couple of times to wrap his head around your well thought out ideas and concepts.........and agrees.I would hate to put a label on your thoughts,and call it cognitve behavioral therapy.................mabye it is a form of rewiring your brain if you want to call it that.But it seems that you have put together a list of tools to use to change your method of thinking.
Change your method of thinking....................well that is what swim has used to shake off opiate "needs" or "wants".....in learning to cope with living opiate free.That is something to use after the acute withdrawal period.
For swim.....never say that you are a junky or once a junky always a junky,that is only setting yourself up for failure in the future.You are a person that has used drugs,but that was then,now you are a person that does not use (remember what it was like to live your life without drugs) and that sometimes has to overcome feelings to use drugs..........it is now part of your life,and accept is as you would any other problem that you must deal with in your daily life.........it will fade/pass.
That is one example of of swims way to change his daily method of thinking while switching to "living straight"........I will not drag you down with any other examples for now.......But I feel that changing your overall thinking/outlook is a key tool to getting and staying clean..........
And thank you again for including that in your post.........
pig
Swim wishes that he was able to relate his thoughts and ideas as well as you Dick!

Reputation Comments on this post:

this is a great way of thinking...thanks for sharing

[Swing]

Swim needs help... he's been on opiates for a LONG time and now he's on subutex which he mostly shoots because he finds it's the only way he can do it. Also there are the SEVERE GI problems caused by bupe which make swim have to take breaks sometimes while on vicodin or something just so he can shit, it's horrible, hoping to see if his doc will give him proproxyphene to use so swim won't be in total whithdrawls while he takes breaks from the bupe to be able to take a shit. Proproxyphene I found out is another opiate they use in detox besides methadone and bupe so maybe swim can convince his doctor to get this for him... BUT after coming straight off of H swim has no "will power" to do anything... Swim just sits in front of the TV without being able or capable to excersize or allow interest in anything else... even with bupe... PLEASE HELP!!!

Reputation Comments on this post:

every one of your posts seems to be urgent "I need immediate help" comments, about things we can't really help...

[thebige]

Swim swing I am no expert but depression and P.A.W.S. seem pretty common after getting straight.....go see your doctor and come clean with all of your symptoms,mabye he might send you to a shrink..........now I'm no fan of brain-scramblers but one of them may offer something that helps.And if your doctor can't come up with a decent treatment plan for your signs & symptoms find a new doctor that can and will..........just trying to offer you something that might help. bige