Culture - Remember back when Requiem For a Dream was disturbing?

[dyingtomorrow]

Back when SWIM was in college and an E -head, he saw Requiem For a Dream and thought it was the most disturbing shit he'd ever seen. He probably swore an oath at the time never to do heroin, and didn't understand or think it was realistic how people could do that to themselves. SWIM perceived the world painted by the movie as possibly one of the most depressing and fucked up things that could happen in life, and it scared the shit out of SWIM.

3 heroin addicted years later SWIM is pretty much in the same place as the characters in that movie, except they probably actually ended up better off and had better prospects for the future. LOL. The weird thing is it is not really as scary or disturbing as one would think. SWIM wouldn't really care if he lost an arm or got AIDS or ended up in jail anymore. SWIM always used to think that withdrawals were the worst kind of pain, because no matter how much you go through them you never "toughen up." They are always excrutiating and can always get worse and worse. You don't get even the slightest bit immune to them, on the contrary, you get more scared and desperate not to have them the more you go through them.

On the other hand, upon reflection and thinking about Requiem For a Dream, SWIM realized that he has toughened up in other ways. Honestly, there's really nothing that can scare SWIM or disturb him anymore, and he has to attribute it to all the pain and fucked up shit from his times as a broke heroin addict.

Anyone see the movie, and/or feel the same way?

[PsychoActivist]

SWIM is very grateful that he never really got to know the spots to go score some H.
He has made a decision to not search it out but if the oppurtunity ever presents itself he would'nt think twice about it.

He has banged coke a few times and ice once. He has only let someone else hit him as he is too scared of missing a vein or somehow either fucking up his arm or losing his dope to ever hit himself. He fucking loved the rush he got from it but he could never try to maintain a habit like that. So once again he never sought out to do it; only when oppurtunity arose.

But yeh he remembers the first time he watched requiem he was twacked the fuck out on some meth and it was VERY disturbing to him.

[fiveleggedrat]

Swim has never experienced addiction, but he's seen it firsthand plenty times. The main way was Swim used to flip coke, and he had one junkie work for him as a middleman. The man was insane; he'd steal, lie, cheat, and fuck over everyone he found, just to get a .1 or two to shoot up with. He was a heroin addict in the past, and still shot it, and anything else he found. E pills, Pharms, coke, crack, heroin, any and everything. He was also a bad alcoholic. Drunk every day on hard liquor/beer, shooting up coke.

Swim also met tons of junkies and fiendy users. Some were decent people. Most were human filth. Don't interpret this as all users/abusers are human filth; just the ones Swim met.

Swim saw that movie before he even got into drugs. It was interesting, good, and definately something to talk about, but it definately did not scare Swim from drugs. All the barriers Swim said would never fall have, except the addiction one. Swim has shot up, used heroin, and used coke/meth. All of them were...underwhelming to Swim. Swim also won't be getting addicted to opioids since he can't feel euphoria any more, the main thing that drew him in.

Swim has self control, but it has holes in it. He can't control himself with pot, and he can't not eat his favorites if he has them. He spends a little too much on substances too, as is mentally obsessed with them, but able to not seek them. At least not the really big ones.

So yup.

[ScorpioSunshine]

Swim loves that movie, despite the fucked ending.

She thinks she loves movies like that because she still gets off on watching other people get off.

Gawd, Jared Leto was so hot in that movie. Heroin chic ...mmm.... yeah, until he lost his arm and all. :/

And Jennifer Connelly is gorgeous.

Swim never experienced scoring the way they did and never went through the shit they went through. Her scene was quite different. Swim was rooting for them.

Swim can't express all her thoughts right now --she's back and forth from the computer.

[JarvyJarvison]

except they probably actually ended up better off and had better prospects for the future. LOL.

All of them had pretty good prospects of living a decent life at the end of the movie except the mother. Her brain was permafried and she was fucked forever. There's nothing stopping you from having a decent life. You're young and you've still got a lot of life in you and its all a matter of making the right decisions. Maybe you're in debt and out of school, but guess what. I guarentee you still have a better life than a lot of people in this world and you sure have a lot of prospects. To me, it sounds like you're a very fortunate person and you have a lot going for you than the vast majority of people on this earth. I dare say anybody on this forum does. We live relatively comfortable lives with air conditioning and internet access.

SWIM wouldn't really care if he lost an arm or got AIDS or ended up in jail anymore.

I think SWIY would care. He's just really got to think about what it would be like to wake up every day knowing he's dying slowly; watching his body waste away; being stigmatized marginalized. Or think about waking up every day in some stinky, dank jail surrounded by predators and cockroaches knowing you can't leave; having to kiss the ass of some sadistic fucking prison guard who doesn't give a shit about you; eating luke-warm, sloppy shit every day. I've never been to jail but I've been in a holding cell and just knowing you're stuck in a room and you can't get out is bad enough. Just hearing that "click-clack" as you get locked in gives you a irrepricable, sinking feeling in your gut. The guy in the next cell over couldn't handle it and he broke right there.

I'm sure heroin withdrawls *are* really bad but just remember that things could always be worse. Sometimes you don't realize just how lucky you were until it's all gone.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Good outlooks, very nice post
	Very good post!

[dyingtomorrow]

Originally Posted by JarvyJarvison

I think SWIY would care. He's just really got to think about what it would be like to wake up every day knowing he's dying slowly; watching his body waste away; being stigmatized marginalized. Or think about waking up every day in some stinky, dank jail surrounded by predators and cockroaches knowing you can't leave; having to kiss the ass of some sadistic fucking prison guard who doesn't give a shit about you; eating luke-warm, sloppy shit every day. I've never been to jail but I've been in a holding cell and just knowing you're stuck in a room and you can't get out is bad enough. Just hearing that "click-clack" as you get locked in gives you a irrepricable, sinking feeling in your gut. The guy in the next cell over couldn't handle it and he broke right there.

I'm sure heroin withdrawls *are* really bad but just remember that things could always be worse. Sometimes you don't realize just how lucky you were until it's all gone.

SWIM's little brother did a stint in one of the worst prisons in the country for moving E, and from what he told SWIM about his time, prison seems well suited to SWIM. Just chill, work out, and read all day. Nobody really fucks with you as long as you aren't a bitch (and it's no problem to get swoll in the couple weeks in county before you are sentenced), and you hear a bunch of hilarious fucked up stories all the time. SWIM likes being alone anyways, and spends most of his time in a dark small area. SWIM has seriously considered getting thrown in prison; it sounds better than working to him. As for not knowing what you have till it's gone, SWIM lost it all and would do it all over for heroin, because it is the only thing that's ever cured SWIM's depression and made him actually want to be alive. The only thing SWIM really has left to lose now is a place to live, if his girl ever kicks him out, but honestly SWIM isn't the least bit apprehensive of being homeless.

Thanks for the silver lining attempt though.

[teddybearpicnics]

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow

Thanks for the silver lining attempt though.

you kill me

[teddybearpicnics]

Originally Posted by dyingtomorrow

Back when SWIM was in college and an E -head, he saw Requiem For a Dream and thought it was the most disturbing shit he'd ever seen. He probably swore an oath at the time never to do heroin, and didn't understand or think it was realistic how people could do that to themselves. SWIM perceived the world painted by the movie as possibly one of the most depressing and fucked up things that could happen in life, and it scared the shit out of SWIM.

3 heroin addicted years later SWIM is pretty much in the same place as the characters in that movie, except they probably actually ended up better off and had better prospects for the future. LOL. The weird thing is it is not really as scary or disturbing as one would think. SWIM wouldn't really care if he lost an arm or got AIDS or ended up in jail anymore. SWIM always used to think that withdrawals were the worst kind of pain, because no matter how much you go through them you never "toughen up." They are always excrutiating and can always get worse and worse. You don't get even the slightest bit immune to them, on the contrary, you get more scared and desperate not to have them the more you go through them.

On the other hand, upon reflection and thinking about Requiem For a Dream, SWIM realized that he has toughened up in other ways. Honestly, there's really nothing that can scare SWIM or disturb him anymore, and he has to attribute it to all the pain and fucked up shit from his times as a broke heroin addict.

Anyone see the movie, and/or feel the same way?

Swim watched this movie on acid and it totally fucked his head up, and he too swore that he would never be a heroin addict blah blah blah...4 years later he's waking up at 6 am needing junk...what a wonderful life. swim is scared about the fact that you never build a tolerance to the sickness, and this also makes himself scared that there will never be a way out...swim has been to jail, in the holding tank, eating morphine pills that the feds didn't find in the corners of his pockets, and it didn't scare him. swim would probably not be scared of anything thrown his way because what else is there to endure? dope makes swiy-me grow up fast. too fast. and swim wishes that anyone reading this doesn't go down the road of "requiem" because all of us swimmers that did, already are a spitting image of those characters in the movies. this is probably the reason swim is writing a book. crazy. anyway......happy thanksgiving.
.teddy

[Junkhead23]

Spoiler alert!!!!!!!!!

[maletwickenham]

Requiem for a Dream Swim feels is a very important movie to watch for any one to watch with any interest in trying heroin. Swim watched it and although it did not put him off of trying it. It has reminded him that if he gets the chance to try it, not to buy a lot.

[sylenth]

a rough but awesome movie... the reality of what drugs can do & does to people. as for the feelings of fearing nothing, smurf can relate & it is a good mutual feeling to have in life as it provides a satisfaction to knowing you can handle anything thrown your way in life. some have it tougher than others which adds to it all feeling easier.

unfortunetly/fortunetly things happen that make us feel this way & change us from being the innocent sweet naive people we were in to less caring more self destructive people we become. oh well it all adds character i guess... when ever smurfs are getting out of control & things are being sold, bodies suffering & there's no money etc smurfs always have requiem for a dream in the back of their minds, it's always a reminder of how far it should'nt ever go.

the tv scene being rolled on the trolley to be sold, smurfs have been there done that. lol.